A lifelong friend and me

[Pete1]

Hi @Palerider, that's awful, I'm so sorry to hear that. Surely the property will take quite a while to sell (my Mum's bungalow has taken over a year) can't you stay until it is sold, surely there has to be some sense in that for all parties (for example insurance on an empty property is far higher).

 

[annielou]

Oh my goodness, thats awful on top of everything else. How can they give a time frame for how long house can take to sell??? I'm so sorry I have no practical advice but keep reading your posts and thinking oh no how awful not something else bad. You have so much to deal with at the moment I hope something good happens soon X.
Hope the beer and fags take your mind off it a bit tonight at least X

 

[Splashing About]

Just catching up with your thread and it’s a pile of poo. I feel huge anger on your behalf regarding Social services actions and housing

Regards DNAR: mum had a pacemaker fitted a year ago. I questioned it at the time but the Dr told me they had to do it. The last 12 months have been a long experience of slowly dying. My mother now lies in a nursing home unable to eat with enjoyment, sit up, converse or enjoy life. The pacemaker will ensure she stays like this...maintaining that time keeping which would otherwise have ceased and she would have been allowed a peaceful death. Instead we will watch her die a long slow decline as every other faculty/bodily function cease to work.

We have a society that knows it has a huge problem funding social care. It will however fund a pacemaker to increase length of life ignoring quality of life and trying to absolve themself of any financial responsibility for the mess they have created. Rational? Caring? No

 

[Lynmax]

I would totally panic if I got a phone call like that, I don't have hands free in my car as I have a bit of a phobia about answering the phone so couldn't cope while driving. It goes back years to when my mum phoned from France to say my dad had died and she was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no money and no place to stay!

So I think you did the best thing by trying to stop thinking about the house until the morning - not too much of a hangover though I hope! I suspect it will take a while to sell the house, even if you get it on the market in a week or so and get an offer straightaway, it will still take a while for surveys etc to be done or mortgages to be confirmed. I was a cash buyer, buying an empty house, so was in a position to push for a quick deal but it still took 8 weeks to sort everything out.

Could you consider putting your things in storage for a while and renting a room on a short term lease while you look for somewhere permanent?

I dread having to sell my mums house as she has been living there for over 60 years and the thought of getting rid of all her things makes me exhausted! And I suspect it won't be too long before we will be doing it.

I'm not sure where you live but in most places there seem to be pockets of areas where housing is a lot cheaper than places close by - or at least there are in large towns and cities. My daughter rented in Liverpool and Manchester and because she owns two horses, she's always lived in cheap accommodation - clean enough but not in the best areas! She has just bought her first house, a two bed terrace for only £98,000 in NE Manchester, about £300,000 cheaper than if she lived near me!

 

[Helly68]

Oh no @Palerider its just one thing after another.
I hope that you can talk to the council - I am afraid talking to our council about care financing was a very hit and miss thing. They didn't understand their own rules.
I hope today is a better day.

 

[Palerider]

Thanks everyone I am stressed now beyond belief

Right, well I have asked for a disregard on the property, but thats fairly pointless if I have to sell the property to close the equity release owed on it, because then the LA will see that as a capital asset and the equity release company I am not sure if they will allow me to remain here if there is a disregard (depends on what is in the contract) - so this has become a Catch-22 situation. I am not convinced the LA would use their disgressionary powers (unlikely) and allow me to downsize the property and take any remaining balance????

Its certainly a mess

 

[Palerider]

Oh no @Palerider its just one thing after another.
I hope that you can talk to the council - I am afraid talking to our council about care financing was a very hit and miss thing. They didn't understand their own rules.
I hope today is a better day.

We shall see I'm calling various organisations

 

[Palerider]

Just catching up with your thread and it’s a pile of poo. I feel huge anger on your behalf regarding Social services actions and housing

Regards DNAR: mum had a pacemaker fitted a year ago. I questioned it at the time but the Dr told me they had to do it. The last 12 months have been a long experience of slowly dying. My mother now lies in a nursing home unable to eat with enjoyment, sit up, converse or enjoy life. The pacemaker will ensure she stays like this...maintaining that time keeping which would otherwise have ceased and she would have been allowed a peaceful death. Instead we will watch her die a long slow decline as every other faculty/bodily function cease to work.

We have a society that knows it has a huge problem funding social care. It will however fund a pacemaker to increase length of life ignoring quality of life and trying to absolve themself of any financial responsibility for the mess they have created. Rational? Caring? No

I am stunned that the doctor told you it had to be with the pacemaker given what your mums obvious outcome with dementia will be. When it was mentioned in the hospital I said yes a few years ago it would have been the right thing to do, but not now as mum is in the later stages. Anyway the GP who met me on Tuesday was in agreement that it would not now be in mums best interests and the decision made not to go down that path, I agreed feeling upset at knowing what I was agreeing to (unfortunately I am not ignorant in these matters), but also knowing it would serve no useful prupose at the stage mum is at -it wouldn't add anything to her quality of life as it is now and only prolong a disease that is beginning to unplug things in her body in any event.

The LA and SS are only interested in recouping the finances necessary at this stage, its kind of 'THANKYOU VERY MUCH NOW ****** OFF!'

 

[Palerider]

Hi @Palerider, that's awful, I'm so sorry to hear that. Surely the property will take quite a while to sell (my Mum's bungalow has taken over a year) can't you stay until it is sold, surely there has to be some sense in that for all parties (for example insurance on an empty property is far higher).

I don't know, but these properties are sort after so I am hoping once I jave somewhere to settle it will sell fairly quickly -spring is approaching and people start looking

 

[Palerider]

Just writing to the local MP as well, I don't like doing this but she did say to contact her if I needed help - I am sure there's not much she can do but worth a try in terms of sorting out housing. Mums SW is kindly writing a letter to the housing guys as she said you may be homeless is something doesn't come up soon -which made panic a bit

 

[Palerider]

MP emailed, SW aware and will write letter, LA financial assessor (I'm keeping in the dark for now). Local housing group useless -there really are muppets out there!! Equity release compnay not contacted yet until I know state of play on things moving forward.

Glad I didn't drink too much beer last night, would have been a disaster today ?

 

[Palerider]

Forgot to say I really do feel disempowered and at the mercy of everyone else -this needs to change as I am quite down and utterly fed up. Off to get things done and visit mum as I am AL this week I am making the most of seeing her and just being with her

 

[Pete1]

It's truly abysmal @Palerider, you have been very badly let down when all we read are Local Authority Carer Strategies full of empty words and platitudes ....every carer counts, right (I won't get started). I hope you find Mum in good spirits, enjoy that precious time.

 

[Palerider]

It's truly abysmal @Palerider, you have been very badly let down when all we read are Local Authority Carer Strategies full of empty words and platitudes ....every carer counts, right (I won't get started). I hope you find Mum in good spirits, enjoy that precious time.

Yes I was told that this would all work out, but it seems not @Pete1. Anyway I visited mum and she was content and quite happy in her world -at least I don't have to worry about that now

 

[Woo2]

Glad to hear you have one worry less at the moment and Mum is content , maybe a silly comment but have you spoken to citizens advice ? It is an appalling situation. It’s not ideal but wonder if any colleagues have any room in a house share if it gets down to the wire .

 

[Palerider]

I'm supposed to be meeting up for lunch with Emma and cou[ple of other close friends today, but I don't feel like it -not sure why because they are a great group of people. Need to make my mind up soon as iyts a fair drive to get there on time

 

[Grannie G]

When faced with overcoming so many challenges and when even socialising seems to require too much effort, perhaps your brain needs a rest @Palerider

 

[Sarasa]

I’d go if you can. I know when things are like they are for you at the moment being sociable seems too much, but I’ve always felt better if I make the effort and worse if I don’t. Either way thinking of you.

 

[canary]

I have no advice, but it seems an appalling situation, so Im sending you some big
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
and hope things get sorted soon.

 

[anxious annie]

Oh, Palerider, I'm just catching up on a few threads and sorry to read about your mum and having to have the DNAR conversation with the Doctor. but as others have said, better to have the crisis before, than when you're at a crisis point.
More troubles with SS too about the housing. I've just been in touch with an estate agent to start the process of selling mum's house and i feel it will take a while to get things started, let alone complete a sale, so totally unrealistic to expect this done in 12 weeks. It will take however long it does and i expect SS will just have to wait.
Take care, and I hope you manage to meet up with your friends.