I think the last 5 months have been a real rollercoaster just as I had began to relax a little things have escalated again.
I couldn't see any point now in moving forward with a pacemaker when mums outcome will be a slow death from Alzheimer's disease -a dying brain -why make her endure this with the added problem of a failing heart? There is a time and a place for intervention, and that has now passed. Muim is lucky in that she has someone that knows her wishes and she has always maintianed 2 things about what may come when she had clarity about her Alzheimer's
1. She did not want to continue to the point of loosing completely as she used to say 'her marbles', and
2. She hoped she would leave this world in her sleep
I can't do anymore now, it is time to allow those two things to take place as there is nothing left to offer here as much as I feel angry and upset, its time to face the reality of what nature throws at us.
I will carry on knowing that I have done everything that I can do and
from now on it will all just be about making mum a happy old lady at the end of her life. Tomorrow is another day