To try to help myself I found this last night, which made me think about things a little more. Thought I'd share it, as it did ake me realise I am really struggling with this, no doubt as many have done:
When you suffer from caregiver guilt, feelings can come on strong and last for a long time—unless you take healthy steps to cope with them. Here are some tips for dealing with guilt over care home placement:
When you suffer from caregiver guilt, feelings can come on strong and last for a long time—unless you take healthy steps to cope with them. Here are some tips for dealing with guilt over care home placement:
- Give yourself time and permission to grieve.
- Acknowledge and accept your emotions for what they are.
- Seek reconciliation with your parent for unresolved conflicts or old resentments.
- Shift your focus away from feelings of obligation and toward feelings of unconditional love.
- Remind yourself frequently that your mom or dad is safer, less isolated, and better cared for.
- Take comfort in knowing that you did not cause your parent's physical or cognitive impairments.
- Remember that you're doing the best you can under difficult circumstances that are largely out of your control.
- Acknowledge the fact that nursing home care is a necessary reality for millions of people, including your parent.
- Give yourself permission to have a life that isn't totally focused on your parent.
- Establish healthy boundaries by steering conversations away from attempts to guilt-trip you.
- Make each visit with your mom or dad as fun or meaningful as you can.
- Recognize that you still get to be a caregiver, just in a different way.
- Set up new ways to connect with your parent when you can't be there (such as phone calls, texts, or video chats).
- Seek emotional support from your friends or close family members, your spiritual community, or groups such as the Family Caregiver Alliance.
- Consider one-on-one counseling or therapy if your guilt persists despite your best efforts to let it go