A lifelong friend and me

[Palerider]

Well I took the parcel and one of the carers came down to take it, and said 'do you want to see your mum? Give me a min and I'll bring to the downstairs lounge'
In five mins a got a waive from the window and went over, there was mum sitting on the sofa, completely miffed that she had been put in the lift to go down stairs . She saw me and recognised me. She asked if I'd be back later and what time -tomorrow I said from a window that was barely open. She looked very thin, a huge change from when I last saw her, her arms and legs were just literally bone , but she isn't eating and I guess this is part of the course with late stages.
She was content and seemed very settled, the carers mentioned going back for a coffee and some cake and mum was off, she turned to look back and waived and then walked off with the carers, hunched over and not as agile as she had been bnefore. Very sad to see her so thin but there isn't much anyone can do. I've taken a huge supply of chocolate and some cake, so hopefully it will give some substinance -not ideal, but better than nothing and I know she will eat some of it. Breaks my heart how this disease progresses to see my mum wasting away like this -its just hideous to watch ?

 

[canary]

Im glad you managed to see her and she seems content, Simon, but its hard seeing the progression.

 

[Woo2]

I too am pleased you got to see mum and that she is contented , very painful to see the decline . Sending you a big hug .

 

[Cat27]

I’m so pleased you got to see your mum content & safe.

 

[Palerider]

So today I get another phone call from the care home, turns out mum was nearly attacked by the same resident that pushed her over a week ago in the early hours of yesterday morning. The night nurse intervened and unfortuantely got punched in the jaw, I am told she is alright thankfully, and she saved my mum from an attack. This resident I have been informed is also at the centre of another serious incident concerning another female resident. All of this has now gone to safeguarding. I'm informed this residents SW is slow to respond to the problem of violent outbursts, which sadly has been a recent change in this resident. Its hard for everyone concerned, but I really don't think the home is the right place for this poor soul who was probably the opposite before dementia.

So now I am awake thinking about it and again going over the guilt trip of putting mum into care on top of her decline -not sure how much more I can cope with currently. Anyway, what I do need to do is make voice heard tomorrow about this before some more serious harm is done to someone. I have work today and now can't sleep as my anxiety builds up (once again).

 

[Izzy]

Im sorry to hear about this @Palerider. An extra worry for you. I hope you get some sleep.

 

[Starting on a journey]

So sorry, I can feel your worry and concern and can only wish that you had a good sleep and are able to face today’s challenges.

 

[Sarasa]

Sorry to hear that @Palerider. I hope the care home can find somewhere more suitable for the other resident and that your mother is fine. Hope the carer with the bruised jaw is OK too. My sister in law has worked with elderly mental health patients and has had a dislocated thumb and a hairline skull fracture as war wounds from the experience.

 

[Woo2]

Me too , sorry @Palerider , glad that mum didn’t get hurt but sorry nurse did , hope you managed to get some sleep .

 

[Bunpoots]

Another extra worry @Palerider . I hope you managed to get some sleep.

 

[Moggymad]

At mums home there was a lady who would turn violent in the blink of an eye. My sister took a massive thump to the face just as she arrived at the home & it really shook her up. We were always on edge when she was about & worried constantly that she would hit mum as mum was always so friendly to everyone. We were told the home had called in mental health nurse to look at meds again but also that they were looking to possibly section her.
Hope something is sorted ASAP as its just another worry on top of what's already happening there.

 

[Helly68]

Very sorry to hear this @Palerider.
Mummy went through a phase of hitting the staff, which has lessened a bit now and was attacked by another resident once, I think she gave as good as she got.
Very tough for all concerned, you have my sympathies.

 

[Palerider]

Thanks everyone -I was up at 3 and then 4 and then 5 and my alarm went off at 6 . Anyway I got to work on time feeling absolutely fed up with care homes -yes I know. I was actually thinking through how I could get mum back home at one point -but its unrealistic to think that.

Anyway I spoke with mums case SW as mum is now in a home out of area it will be flagged with the safeguarding team local to her care home. She did some digging and called me back and said the best thing to do was speak directly to the safeguarding team, which I had already done and was waiting for a call back. It came late in the day and I missed the call, so now will have to wait until tomorrow. I also tried to contact the CH manager to discuss why this resident only has a one-to-one for 12 hrs instead of 24 hrs -not surprisingly she didn't return my call. Tomorrow is always another day.

Today I finally explained what this feels like to colleagues, who didn't seem to be getting the fact that this not only affects mum, I explained how we (the carers) go over the same guilt trip each time something happens and generally feel **** that we made this decision knowing there was no other option, that placing someone in a care home doesn't mean it all just magically stops there -I think the penny has finally dropped -BINGO!

I can categorically say that my emotions are all over the place and if one more work colleague tells me how sad it all is with absolutely no insight I will scream at them 'how about asking me how I am?'

Rant over

 

[Starting on a journey]

Try not to scream at them. I have not been in your position I don’t know how to react but actually they do mean what they say. They do care they are sympathetic, they don’t understand and won’t understand unless they are ever in that



My friends mum died on Monday from late stages Alzheimer’s plus Covid 19. All the trite sayings left my lips (from the other side of the road). Yet to my children who were social distancing on the drive with me they were real. (I lost their father suddenly in may 2018).
Having totally lost the thread of my thoughts I will just add be kind to yourself and let others be kind to you too. You are under immense pressure and a wonderful son and professional .

 

[Palerider]

Try not to scream at them. I have not been in your position I don’t know how to react but actually they do mean what they say. They do care they are sympathetic, they don’t understand and won’t understand unless they are ever in that



My friends mum died on Monday from late stages Alzheimer’s plus Covid 19. All the trite sayings left my lips (from the other side of the road). Yet to my children who were social distancing on the drive with me they were real. (I lost their father suddenly in may 2018).
Having totally lost the thread of my thoughts I will just add be kind to yourself and let others be kind to you too. You are under immense pressure and a wonderful son and professional .

No I wouldn't scream at them, thats why I had my little rant at the end on here, I had to say it somewhere to let go. Sometimes well menaing comments can make a person feel 10 times worse. People do mean well, but don't always grasp that what they see isn't what is experienced -if you see what I mean.

Today is another day, and thanks to TP no one has been screamed at

 

[Starting on a journey]

Well done! Hoping that today is better for you!! Yes I rant here, I have to.!

 

[Palerider]

Today was a lengthy conversation with the Safeguarding person, who was very nice and invited questions repeatedly from me. I raised my concerns on behalf of mum and felt listened to. But it is messy as addressing the resident who is now becoming more aggressive is in the hands of that residents SW. No doubt its going be difficult to find a placement that will take them in the current situation, so I raised the need for 24hr one-to-one with this resident. She will let me know any progress, but assured me they're concern is to make mum safe as possible in the home. She was surprised the CH manager hasn't called me, but I explained I had previously challenged her over visiting at end-of-life and it didn't go down well. But, she will have to speak to me sooner or later -best not leave it too long, that never looks good.

 

[Palerider]

And THANK YOU Alzheimer's Society for your support

 

[Palerider]

I was walking past the side rooms a couple of days ago and got a glimpse of this in the corner of my eye (see below) and thought 'OMG there's a darlek in the hospital' I stepped back and took a pic, can anyone guess what it is?

 

[Starting on a journey]

Water cooler?