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A lifelong friend and me

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
In ED got phone call at 20:50 mum low heart rate low BP and blue to the extremities and unrousable ...blue light to hospital.....she's perked up but still blue to her extremities and low pulse rate......its going to be a very long night
What’s happened to cause this .. how awful !
ive just commented on that lovely photo as it made me smile!
((((()hugs()))))))
Thinking of you both
Xx
Hope this morning brings some answers
Xx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,201
South coast
Im sorry you had to nake an emergency dash to hopital in the middle of the night.
Im hoping your mum is OK and you are now sleeping
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
I returned home at 04:25, happier than when I drove to the hospital thinking this might be 'it' and I haven't even had time to say goodbye while having one of those semi teary moments and trying to drive.

She had flipped into slow AF rate of 40 beats per min and dropped her BP. They think this most likely due to heart failure, something I have been saying for months (as if anyone ever listens to the carers).

Anyway I asked that she be returned to the CH if possible rather than admit her into hospital. By the early hours mum had revived and the docs couldn't find anythng significant to keep her in hospital other than heart failure and she is on frusemide already but the dose may need to be increased (probably will be) so the decision was made to discharge her with a follow-up ECHO to asess her heart function. There was some talk of a pacemaker, but that is a decision a cardilogist will make and at this stage of mums dementia I am doubtful as to how it will add to or improve her already diminishing qaulity of life. One thing for sure is this heart problem is only going to get worse on top of the later stages of Alzheimer's.

A rocky road ahead unfortunately.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,228
Sorry to hear that @Palerider. I'm sure you'll make the decision that is in your mum's best interests and in the mean time the care home will be properly aware of what to look out for.
I'm sure they made a big fuss of her when she got back.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,201
South coast
Im glad you both got back safely
Yes, I think it is probably time to have a long hard think about what treatment you do and dont want for your mum. Not easy.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
@Palerider pleased you are home, thank goodness you have a week off! I’m sorry that you now have choices to make for Mum.
Take care of you a little, please.
a lot happening in such a short time period is just so stressful !
((((hugs)))
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
711
Hi @Palerider, I'm so sorry to hear about Mum. I remember you mentioning some tell tale signs, same I experienced with my Mum, although the GP told me at the time what she thought it was. Really feel for you and your Mum - the care home has to be the best place for her. I expect you are absolutely shattered now, those emotional and dramatic hospital episodes really take it out of you.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
Thanks everyone for your messages

Yes all very consuming, and it all seems to becoming relentless as mums general health rapidly declines, much more so than I had anticipated. I am just home having been back at the CH to see how mum is today. I popped to the supermarket on the way home and realised I hadn't eaten since last night plus as I walked to the car I suddenly felt very tired and sleepy.

Today has been one of difficult conversations and I have since spoken with mums GP today who has replaced the one from last week and I have raised the matter of DNAR. This is not easy to prompt by any means but I feel we have reached a very real crossroads now and as much as I love and respect mum I would not want the care staff to find her in the CH unconscious not knowing how long she had been like that and to then call the paramedics who after 15 to 20 mins will arrive and instigate full blown cardiopulmonary resuscitation. The chances of surving an out-of-hospital arrest are low in someone who isn't frail and virtually zero in someone who is with dire outcomes if they should survive resuscitation. I am meeting the GP tomorrow in the CH after they meet with mum and re-assess to have a further conversation around where we go from here and the best way to keep mum as comfortable as possible. This will happen again and next time it might not end well if we don't begin to plan for it. Painful for me to come to terms with, but this is it, it doesn't get any better.

Anyway I left the CH and they had a big activity on and had a live singer in, I watched mum as she boogied in her chair and clapped her hands and laughed and smiled and then left her to enjoy herself.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
687
High Peak
What a lovely, positive end to your visit after all the stress and upheaval. This, if anything, should tell you that your mum is in exactly the right place.
Even though mum had a DNAR set up and I agreed with it anyway, it doesn't change the feelings you have when discussing the 'nitty-gritty' with the GP (or other medics.)

Nothing in life prepares you for this.

Jx
 

Starbright

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
514
Hi @Palerider .so sorry to hear this but pleased you left your mum in a happy atmosphere in CH . In all of this don’t forget to take care of yourself . (((((( Hugs))))) A x
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
There are some things in life that we can never understand only contemplate. I feel a rage inside of me at how this is turning out and I so wish I could stop this and wind the clock back but I can't....

I don't have any answers for my own sake let alone anyone elses, all I can do is share my own experience in the hope it helps others, but this little number by Queen sure is helping me right now....

There's no time for us​
There's no place for us​
What is this thing that builds our dreams​
Yet slips away from us?….....​
 

Starbright

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
514
There are some things in life that we can never understand only contemplate. I feel a rage inside of me at how this is turning out and I so wish I could stop this and wind the clock back but I can't....

I don't have any answers for my own sake let alone anyone elses, all I can do is share my own experience in the hope it helps others, but this little number by Queen sure is helping me right now....

There's no time for us​
There's no place for us​
What is this thing that builds our dreams​
Yet slips away from us?….....​
I love this song and very poignant...thank you for reminding me @Palerider and be gentle with yourself 😔😔😔
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,157
Bedford
I am glad that your Mum was able to go back to the care home quickly and was able to enjoy the entertainment. It must be so hard for you. Take care of yourself. The Queen song is also on my playlist of favourites
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,042
Yorkshire
What an awful day and hard time for you X I'm glad your mum got back to the care home and was enjoying herself today after a horrible night, its a small thing in all this upset and heartache, but a good thing for mum that she could enjoy herself there which is probably much better than being in hospital. I'm so sorry your mums health is declining, lots of love to you both xx
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
Well the meeting took place today and there was agreement on the DNAR. We also talked about other problems that may arise and agreed that mum is not for admission to hospital or any invasive procedures as it would no longer serve any useful purpose. Within that conversation the pros and cons were discussed. An end-of-life plan is now in place, but I am hoping we still have time before the heart issue finally takes it toll and one day it will :(

On the way home I stopped to buy two new duvets 4.5 tog (the room is at tropical temps) as mum seems to get them wet alot and she needs a few now to rotate round. As I drove on home I remembered mum saying ironically that she has always hoped she would go in her sleep if her time came -she may just get her last hope granted
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,201
South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))), Simon
That was a difficult and heartbreaking conversation.
It is done now, so tuck it at the back of your brain until the time comes. Hard though it is, it is better to have that conversation now, rather than in the middle of a crisis.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
687
High Peak
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))), Simon
That was a difficult and heartbreaking conversation.
It is done now, so tuck it at the back of your brain until the time comes. Hard though it is, it is better to have that conversation now, rather than in the middle of a crisis.
Agreed. After a couple of awful (and pointless) trips to A & E, I felt much better after having the same conversation with mum's GP.

I felt it was very much 'doing right for mum'.

Thinking of you @Palerider
 

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