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A lifelong friend and me

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
796
High Peak
There's a lot of it about :(

I'm also feeling sad and really angry too about everything-dementia. Not sure if it's a delayed reaction to my mum's death in October but I just can't seem to shake it.

Hoping everyone finds some brightness on the horizon soon. (I pick my kittens up on Monday so I will be relying on them to improve my mood!)
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
There's a lot of it about :(

I'm also feeling sad and really angry too about everything-dementia. Not sure if it's a delayed reaction to my mum's death in October but I just can't seem to shake it.

Hoping everyone finds some brightness on the horizon soon. (I pick my kittens up on Monday so I will be relying on them to improve my mood!)
It must have been a shock for you when you got that call. Nothing is glam about dementia, we just have to find a space in hearts and minds for it and carry on as best we can.

Yes lets have some light @Jaded'n'faded . Enjoy the kittens ;)
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
These January blues are just stretching out for far too long aren't they?
I feel the same as you, very low in spirit and I can't seem to buck myself up. Mum's dementia goes on (silly me, of course it does); some days are better than others. Work is work with another office assistant to train up, the last two lasted a few months then left. I'm too old to think about a change of employment, not that I dislike my job, but there is no challenge any more, I can do it with my eyes closed. My oh is having two big operations this year and I think that's at the root of my bleak outlook. The first is next week and then in three months time. It's impossible to make any plans until we know the outcome, so I can see the January blues becoming the February fed-ups.

Sorry to moan @Palerider, I was just going to say I really hope things pick up for you soon, instead it's turned into a pity party for me!
Its not moaning its offloading @Dimpsy -nowt wrong with that :)

Funny thing is I like my job and where I work, but I feel I need a new start -is that odd? My colleagues don't want me to go, but I fear I am done as this whole chapter slowly closes and I have to carry on with old memories and feelings of the last several years, dads drinking and cancer to mums dementia. I feel I need a new chapter to begin -but who knows.

Hope all goes well with the op @Dimpsy, let us know how the OH and you get on
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,416
Bedford
Apologies if this is a stupid suggestion but if you feeling flat and maybe restless (based on you thinking of changing place of work) could you book a short break away in the next few months or perhaps theatre ticket or whatever floats your boat so that you have something to look forward too.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
Apologies if this is a stupid suggestion but if you feeling flat and maybe restless (based on you thinking of changing place of work) could you book a short break away in the next few months or perhaps theatre ticket or whatever floats your boat so that you have something to look forward too.
You may be right @Bikerbeth maybe a short break is needed -it might put everything into perspective
 

MrsV

Registered User
Apr 16, 2018
168
Northamptonshire
Ironically today being New Years Day I took mum to see her parents in the grounds of the crematorium and see the book of remembrance, as her father (my grandad) died on 1st Jan 1967. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea but when we arrived mum popped into realising where she was and knew she had come to see her parents resting place. We looked at the book and then went out to see the plot, and there was a little wreath (planted by me before xmas), mum was pleased to see someone had cared enough. We got back in the car, and by the time we had turned out of the driveway she had forgotten. Its a beauthiful spot and took a quick picture of the winter sky

View attachment 61951
What a beautiful photo, I guess we just have to be thankful of happiness in 'the moment'.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,409
Its not moaning its offloading @Dimpsy -nowt wrong with that :)

Funny thing is I like my job and where I work, but I feel I need a new start -is that odd? My colleagues don't want me to go, but I fear I am done as this whole chapter slowly closes and I have to carry on with old memories and feelings of the last several years, dads drinking and cancer to mums dementia. I feel I need a new chapter to begin -but who knows.

Hope all goes well with the op @Dimpsy, let us know how the OH and you get on
The kindness of strangers.
@Palerider, I read your reply last evening and your simple sentence of care made me weep, but knowing that someone, somewhere, has sent a message of hope must have worked away in my brain overnight and I woke calm, happier and more positive than I've been all month.

OH are going to look past his operations and think about a holiday in the autumn, we haven't been away for a few years, so just to believe we can go is exciting. There are a lot of hurdles to jump, not least what-do-with-mum, but the fact we are looking forward has helped us both focus, so come on February, we're ready for you.

On your employment predicament, no, it's not odd at all. With what you have coped with it's no wonder you feel unsettled and if you are undecided, maybe don't be too hasty for change, don't think about leaving or staying for a while, empty your mind of decision-making and concentrate on other things and I guarantee, something will happen and then the way ahead will become clear.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
The kindness of strangers.
@Palerider, I read your reply last evening and your simple sentence of care made me weep, but knowing that someone, somewhere, has sent a message of hope must have worked away in my brain overnight and I woke calm, happier and more positive than I've been all month.

OH are going to look past his operations and think about a holiday in the autumn, we haven't been away for a few years, so just to believe we can go is exciting. There are a lot of hurdles to jump, not least what-do-with-mum, but the fact we are looking forward has helped us both focus, so come on February, we're ready for you.

On your employment predicament, no, it's not odd at all. With what you have coped with it's no wonder you feel unsettled and if you are undecided, maybe don't be too hasty for change, don't think about leaving or staying for a while, empty your mind of decision-making and concentrate on other things and I guarantee, something will happen and then the way ahead will become clear.
You may be right about not being too hasty -we shall see what comes over the next months.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
I visited this morning and had to leave to sort of a few things out for myself and returned tonight having noticed mum was low on chocolate :eek: and a few other items -err yes the tissues (ongoing saga).

I walked in to be told mum was so tired she had got undressed and gone to bed and wouldn't move, which is understandable but in the wrong room (here we go again). I popped in to see if I could gently wake her, but no she was flat out -bless her she looked restful.

I had a long chat with the nurse on duty today (the false eye lashes saga) who was lovely and explained a few problems that are arising when mum needs direct care i.e. changing her when wet -she gets very agitated and is convinced she is fine, when clearly she needs to change. So finally we talked about the use of lorazepam and we agreed a small dose at the time mum starts to sundown should help the carers do their job abd also allow mum to be less restless -she is very hyper when sundowning. So here's hoping this has some effect :cool:
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
506
Sorry but I smiled at the thought of your mum enjoying a sleep in someone's else's bed!

I've just booked my first holiday for three years and feel so much better with that to look forward to. I've put off holidays because of my arthritis problems but I'm going back to a hotel in Crete that caters for independent ( not necessarily single ) travellers. It will be my fifth visit, I first went in 2000, so I know what I am facing physically and I think it will do me good to get away.

My son in the US has been going through a very toxic divorce which has just been settled in court and I've been subjected to a bombardment of offensive, vitriolic and nasty messages from his ex wife and her mother - in their eyes I am the devil mother! They got my son arrested on the day of the divorce and are trying to overturn the settlement and child custody arrangements so you can imagine how my level of stress has escalated!

So together with sharing the care of my mum with my two siblings, my mind has been elsewhere recently.

But today I have contacted some care agencies to see if we can arrange visits for mum over the weekend to lighten our load a little. We're having a home visit next week!
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
506
Meant to add, if you fancy a holiday in Crete, I can send you details, it's not cheap but worth every penny!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
Sorry but I smiled at the thought of your mum enjoying a sleep in someone's else's bed!

I've just booked my first holiday for three years and feel so much better with that to look forward to. I've put off holidays because of my arthritis problems but I'm going back to a hotel in Crete that caters for independent ( not necessarily single ) travellers. It will be my fifth visit, I first went in 2000, so I know what I am facing physically and I think it will do me good to get away.

My son in the US has been going through a very toxic divorce which has just been settled in court and I've been subjected to a bombardment of offensive, vitriolic and nasty messages from his ex wife and her mother - in their eyes I am the devil mother! They got my son arrested on the day of the divorce and are trying to overturn the settlement and child custody arrangements so you can imagine how my level of stress has escalated!

So together with sharing the care of my mum with my two siblings, my mind has been elsewhere recently.

But today I have contacted some care agencies to see if we can arrange visits for mum over the weekend to lighten our load a little. We're having a home visit next week!
A difficult time @Lynmax and family courts aren't the best of places, but in the US I imagine worse in some repsects, they seem to have a much looser idea on grounds for arrest and long distance away to give or gain reassurance how things are.

I once went to Ibiza on my own and had a smashing time, I would recommend it -but not to myself now I'm 52. Thanks for the offer of Crete, as things stand its going to be a while before I can think of a holiday
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,271
South East
Morning @Palerider , I am sorry to say I too had a wry smile at mum like Goldilocks asleep in someone else’s bed . I can completely understand the want to start afresh and a change of challenge and scenery , agree that a few days away could be just the tonic , work wise take time and don’t rush in to anything. You are doing brilliantly for mum as you always have, please cut yourself some slack, be kind to you . Good luck with the appraisal , sounds demanding and intense . What things have you got planned for you ? Take good care .
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
Well its been a busy week and things are moving slowly.

Mum is ok and is more lucid on the lorazepam and it seems to be helping her relax and enjoy her time rather than constantly being hyper when sundowning -she isn't too drowsy at all which is good. I just hope its used correctly and for the right reasons -I will be keeping an eye on that.

I have realised with where mum is it might be difficult to get there quickly. The other night the M62 had been closed and Warrington was at a standstill completely blocked with motorway traffic detouring -I had to give up trying to get to the CH and return home -nightmare.

I have now entered into another challenge that of being re-homed -which is a nightmare. I have come to the realisation that people like me don't matter in the system at all. I am more disillusioned than ever at the moment and don't have much positive to write about. It seems I will have to be made homeless before the local housing guys will act. After everything I have done its come to this......what was the point?
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Well its been a busy week and things are moving slowly.

Mum is ok and is more lucid on the lorazepam and it seems to be helping her relax and enjoy her time rather than constantly being hyper when sundowning -she isn't too drowsy at all which is good. I just hope its used correctly and for the right reasons -I will be keeping an eye on that.

I have realised with where mum is it might be difficult to get there quickly. The other night the M62 had been closed and Warrington was at a standstill completely blocked with motorway traffic detouring -I had to give up trying to get to the CH and return home -nightmare.

I have now entered into another challenge that of being re-homed -which is a nightmare. I have come to the realisation that people like me don't matter in the system at all. I am more disillusioned than ever at the moment and don't have much positive to write about. It seems I will have to be made homeless before the local housing guys will act. After everything I have done its come to this......what was the point?
What a dreadful situation to find yourself in, I’m so sorry. ((((((((bighugs)))))))))
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
What a dreadful situation to find yourself in, I’m so sorry. ((((((((bighugs)))))))))

I feel like walking away from all of this -just walking out and going somewhere and starting over and not taking anything to remind me of my past life....but I am not so selfish!

What has finished me off is the persistent want of friends for me to return to my former life, and having to cope with comments such as being told 'I am anti social' these days. People want me to drop everything, and they think now mum is in a CH thats it she's written off that it all just wonderfully stops here and I just pick up the pieces from several years ago -as if -as IF.

I am sick of people judging me for doing one thing in life many don't get the chance to do, and that is seeing this through to the bitter end come what may. True friends will be waiting at the end of it.

As for housing -what one council department says isn't reflected in another department and frankly they can all jog on.

Sorry but right now isn't a high point of my life :mad:
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,271
South East
I’m sorry things are hard :(, nothing is made easy for a carer at all . It’s all battles . I find some people so careless in their comments, I’m sure no ill is meant but a flippant remark can have such a big impact. Hopefully they will never have to know just what it’s like . Hope next week brings better days . Take care .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,416
Bedford
Glad to hear that your Mum is more settled and lucid.
Sorry to hear that all the other is tough going whether it is traffic snarl ups or incompetent council departments and everything in the middle. Not surprised that this is not a good point in your life. Some times we don’t need anymore challenges (hassles/problems) we just want a bit of peace to have a breathing space and build up reserves to start fighting again. Take care