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Well done @Palerider! Nice attitude by the invisible rather than think about your Mum's best interest more concerned with his own convenienceI gave him mums SW phone number and told him if he can do better then talk to the SW and not me. He as usual has not called me back to tell me the outcome of that conversation which I am assuming didn't take place
what a difficult time for you again and then invisible brother adding to the problem rather than helping with a solution. If he is asking for a home that is more accessible for him does that mean he will visit more or is it just one of those ‘power’ comments.Well still no sign of any other places, one of the homes that is 3rd choice is going to give the bed away today if I don't decide. I'm torn on this but at the end of the day I have also thought that mum probably wouldn't notice too much given the stage she is now at. I think I am hanging onto what she would have wanted before the dementia advanced, instead of realising that it probably isn't so important now. In terms of distance the home isn't ideal, but I have the problem of my invisibile brother who after doing nothing to help is demanding mum is closer to him and insists there must be a place available. I gave him mums SW phone number and told him if he can do better then talk to the SW and not me. He as usual has not called me back to tell me the outcome of that conversation which I am assuming didn't take place. I am going to ask him to visit this CH today and let me know, if he hasn't then he forefits any further decision making and I will make the decision on my own.
Edited: I forgot to say I have arranged to meet the manager of mums current CH, as she hasn't communicated with me I am going to communicate with her
Totally agree with youThanks everyone, I could literally weep at the current situation, but that wouldn't change a thing. I am going to raise the settlement fee though, although I am wondering if mum was ever fit to sign the equity release agreement in the first place.
Today I have been searching for nursing/EMI CH's and found there are a number of terms that add to confusion when calling homes to discuss and ask for an appoitnment to view. I have found the best thing to ask for is "residential EMI" as all other terms confuse the care homes (yes I know). I think we need to seriously review the whole care home/dementia thing and have a national standard of care and care home registration i.e. if it says dementia then that means all the issues that come with it and not as many places advertise 'specialist dementia nursing/dementia care' when clearly they don't want residents with challenging behaviours. This would save my phone bill at the very least!
It’s so hard this disease, I am numb after Dads passing & trying to cope with Mums slow steady decline down the inevitable path !Hi @Palerider I think your patience and compassion you show for your mum is amazing. And as for the jealousy, I’m only 6 months in and I find myself getting jealous at the obituaries, at the people who’ve passed away “after a short illness” and I think you lucky b*****d. my mum passed away from bowel cancer and used to say she was glad she had that and not dementia. And now I know what she means.,
Yes I was thinking might be a good idea to get my name down early at this place, just right for me
Yes treat her to some daffs . I can appreciate not having a car, when my old one broke down it was a nighmare trying to get things done wth mum in tow. The home I took mum to is a village complex and very nice, they have lots of options available dependent on type and level of care needed. I already have a new quilt and bedding, just need to label it. And the rest will come as mum moves in.Coffee shop and hairdressers on site are really useful for me and my mum, but then I don't have a car to take her to such places elsewhere easily. The fact you can personalise the room and it's on-suite are far more important. I was looking at my mum's room the other day. It's very nice, but could do with some cheering up. I noticed tubs of daffodils in Marks the other day and one of mum's more poetic statements a year or two ago was 'I've lived another year and their are daffodils in Marks again.' I'll take her some next time I visit.
The home sounds fine @Palerider, and glad your brother actually went to see it. Hope she settles well.
I am waiting for her to agree a date, but already word is out in the CH -why they are so worried I don't know?? I have refused to comment and said I will speak to their managerHi @Palerider, if it is any solace, I had to opt for the third choice too (due to availability) but it actually worked out well in the end. I had no real complaints (the usual minor gripes) and Mum was happy, which when all is said an done that's what it is all about.
When are you planning on having your 'little chat' with the Manager of the departing home?