1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

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Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    969
    Male
    North West
    Yes I have decided to return to work next week, its time and life has to go on.
     
  2. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    969
    Male
    North West
  3. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,960
    Be kind to yourself, & enjoy the routine of work & a semblance of normality xx
     
  4. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    969
    Male
    North West
    The new slippers arrived (pink tartan so easy to spot) and so did the labels for mums specs. So now the specs are labelled properly and also the slippers in two ways.

    Popped to the CH. Mum was in someone elses room when we found her wearing a mans shoes -I could have died when I saw her. Anyway got her sorted and her new slippers fit her and are comfy and she can't get them off like the old ones (thank god). She was in good spirits and as I left she was drinking tea and eating biscuits. She thinks I'll be home later after she's gone to bed bless her
     
  5. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,960

    Dad often said to me don’t be late back home, I just gave him a kiss & cuddle & said “I won’t!”

    then howled like a baby in the car before driving home!
    It’s the little things that just get you....
     
  6. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    252
    Male
    Good Morning @Palerider, good stuff re labelling the specs and slippers! I very occasionally found Mum attired in something that wasn't hers (e.g. a cardigan) where the laundry had got muddled up, but this was when she first moved in, and it did improve. The only time I forcefully complained was when they hadn't put Mum's slippers on (for some unknown reason), as she wasn't terribly mobile and quite frail (on a frame) it did present a risk. The Supervisor apologized saying it was an unacceptable error and she would look into it....it didn't happen again.....that said, the same thing happened with Home Care too, so my best guess is Mum told them she didn't want them on, but who knows! It does sound as though your Mum is much happier which is obviously what you want to see, although I do really appreciate it still a difficult period of adjustment for you. All the best.
     
  7. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,343
    Nottinghamshire
    I think my dad thought I lived in the carehome too @Palerider .

    I never said that I was going home - just that I was going to work or shopping. I think he was happy there - he was certainly less anxious than he had been at home. But it broke my heart
     
  8. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    969
    Male
    North West
    This time it was mum who had done it, we found her in someones room and she had got a mans shoes on and put her old slippers in her handbag, they were sticking out and she pottering. It was quite funny when I saw her, but I also wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. The CH staff have a lot to contend with I guess.
     
  9. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    969
    Male
    North West
    Yes I am the same, I never say I'm going home, it works well. It is heartbreaking and everyday I wish it could be different
     
  10. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    969
    Male
    North West
    Yes, mum would feel safe knowing I would be coming home, so I let her believe that.
     
  11. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    969
    Male
    North West
    Bumped into mums SIL and BIL as they visited today they are her only surving relatives apart from a cousin who is getting on himself. They know her of old and were happy with how she was and they felt she is ok in herself. I'm glad they visited and mum was happy chatting away to them.

    She had a few vsisitors over the day including my brother and her grand daughter. So by the time I arrived she was agitated, so I kep it short an when I left she was fine. I think we just need to be careful she isn't over stimulated on anyone day as it clealry prompts feelings and a reaction.

    The local MP has written to me regarding her conversation with the SS and enclosed a copy of their response. She has been very supportive and has offered continued support, even though she is currently a prospective parliamentary candidate. I have emailed back thanking her and attached a copy of the Alzheiner's Society Manifesto and asked her how they intend to address the issues nationally. We shall see what comes of that...
     
  12. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,960
    oh bless - it’s not that bad really ! She obviously thought they looked comfy! x
     
  13. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    475
    Bedford
    Sounds good that your Mum is continuing to settle and you have decided to head back to work. All brave stuff so big pat in the back to you
     
  14. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    969
    Male
    North West
    Spoke with the senior care worker today about mum, turns out she is sundowning quite badly at the moment, so she has her evening meal and then they take her to her room. To be fair when mum gets tired and the darkness falls she is better left to sit and watch TV in peace, so I have agreed to this. So I will take her TV in tomorrow for her room. She will settle better once she’s eaten and is tired in her room with less noise and activity than being in the main part of the CH. There is a risk this won’t work, but what I had noticed at home is that with all the activity going on of getting the meal ready and tidying she found it very hard to focus in getting herself settled and became hyperactive. I don’t want mum to be isolated but neither do I want her to become agitated/distressed if there is a way of her settling.

    I’m having a telephone consultation with mums GP on the 20th Nov, so I will raise this, it might be she needs a little help to calm her anxieties as she sundown’s and the anxiety she experiences increases at that part of the day. But despite this glitch, she is much better than before and in the day she is fine.

    Its been a hard week if I am honest and this change has been huge in my world. Ironically mum is blissfully unaware and I am the one struggling with this. I always thought it would be the other way round.
     
  15. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,960
    It’s going to take a big adjustment on your part to deal with all of the changes. It’s emotive & stressful- I hope things settle soon
    X
     
  16. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    475
    Bedford
    [QUOTE="Palerider, Ironically mum is blissfully unaware and I am the one struggling with this. I always thought it would be the other way round.[/QUOTE]
    I guess this is the slightly better way round as you sound like the kind of person who will find a strategy to cope and move forward. It sounds positive that the home are looking proactively to help your Mum
     
  17. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    252
    Male
    Morning @Palerider. it's good that they are getting to know your Mum and planning for her care - and you idea sounds a good plan.

    Don't expect too much too soon, it was always going to take a while to adjust. It will happen, but gradually.

    All the best, I hope you get on ok today setting up the TV for your Mum.
     
  18. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    969
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Pete1 , @Bikerbeth and @DesperateofDevon

    Well mum now has her TV so hopefully it will get checked for safety and then she will have it tonight. Senior carer said she'll love having TV in her room. They were telling me how funny she was today -I said yes when she's in the mood she's quite witty and comes out with some corkers. When I saw her she was very restful and relaxed. Wrong jacket on though (rolls eyes), but at least the glasses have stopped going missing :D
     
  19. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    624
    So glad your mum is settling in well @Palerider. Good luck with going back to work.
    I find the how best to support mum in her care home really tricky, and still don't think I've cracked it.
     
  20. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    252
    Male
    It's really good to hear that your Mum is settling in @Palerider. I meant to say that I love the title of your thread it sums it up very nicely. You and your Mum's story really resonates with me (a lot of similarities). Take care and have a relaxing weekend.
     

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