A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    972
    Male
    North West
    I wish I could cry I really do, I so want to, but I am dry eyed and I know I will be until I get mum into respite. Its like I can't let her see me upset at all right now
     
  2. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    479
    Bedford
    It all seems to have happened so quickly. I am glad that the day has ended peacefully and maybe given you 5 minutes to catch your breath. I too hope that tomorrow goes smoothly for you
     
  3. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    449
    Female
    :):)The hidden chocolate bars made me smile @Palerider I too have a secret stash A x
     
  4. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,323
    Female
    Chester
    Made me smile too, my mum hid chocolate bars, even though she lived alone, and when she came to stay she hid them in her bag.

    I didn't at the time realise this was part of dementia behaviour and got very cross with her, as our dog kept finding them (chocolate poisonous to dogs). She kept saying she didn't think the dog could possibly find them, and didn't believe me when I said she had (good old dementia logic which I knew nothing about at the time - although it was clear she wasn't making sense in the real world). She did keep her bag zipped up after that - but only when I got very very cross - didn't care about mum's feelings at that point, just my kids if the dog had died.
     
  5. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    389
    Female
    South East
    Glad today has gone ok for you @Palerider , hope you get news soon on respite . I can’t believe just how quick it has changed. Wishing you both peace. X


    @jugglingmum my dog ate 3 very large boxes of posh chocolates ,milk, dark, white. With nuts etc ,about 100 chocolates in total last Christmas, she luckily passed it herself and vet decided no action needed . My mum too leaves chocolate laying around and stashed in every drawer . :(
     
  6. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,323
    Female
    Chester
    Ours had had the chocs of the xmas tree twice within a couple of weeks, first time the cleaner left the door open, the second time I did, first time we only knew about it when we got home from work, so vet said she'd be ill by now if a problem second time, OH discovered her and took her to vet. I bought aldi tree decs with a high choc content so worse from a dog point of view.

    Mum knew about this as it was only a couple of years before I found the chocs in her bag, so I couldn't understand why she was so blase about it, saying the dog couldn't possibly get ill etc, it is only with hindsight that I understand it was the dementia.

    She went through a phase of saying 'couldn't possibly' to various things, she was so convinced she was right that no one else could possibly be right - at the time I had no idea it was the dementia.
     
  7. Lynmax

    Lynmax Registered User

    Nov 1, 2016
    268
    The salad boxes in mums fridge are stuffed full of chocolate bars and the bread bin now contains biscuits - over a dozen packets last time I counted!

    I told mum off a tad yesterday for putting two pork pies in a cake tin rather than in the fridge, as I was explaining about food poisoning, mum kept asking me what people used to do before they had fridges! I gave up at that point and threw them away when she wasn't looking.
     
  8. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    484
    Hope you hear about respite soon Palerider.
    I would say get your Mum to the respite place and then worry about clothes and such after if you aren't able to pack before.
    Give yourself time to be sad afterwards. It really hit me when Mummy first went into her care home. She was very happy and like to you strived to keep a happy face but it really hit me afterwards.
     
  9. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,323
    Female
    Chester
    Hope you hear some news today. Pester SS if you don't as I think you are struggling being in limbo, waiting.
     
  10. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    630
    Thinking of you @Palerider , hope you hear today, and if not chase them up.
     
  11. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    972
    Male
    North West
    Thanks everyone.

    Difficult day, still waiting. Just called the SS for an update no place yet. I'm not feeling great right now, and have maded an appt with my GP for this afternoon.
     
  12. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    532
    Female
    High Peak
    They have no idea how stressful - for both of you - these delays are.

    Hope your GP is a good 'un. :)
    (Waiting list to see mine is about 3 weeks....o_O )
     
  13. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    389
    Female
    South East
    Just popped in to say hi, thinking of you both and hope you got on ok with gp. Hugs sent if wanted /needed . Take care . X
     
  14. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    972
    Male
    North West
    I have been waiting now for a week for help with mum, and I am fed up with this. Anyone else with a physical illness and terminal stage would be treated far better than this, but once the label of 'dementia' is attached no one gives a ****
     
  15. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    972
    Male
    North West
    I am ******* furious right now
     
  16. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    972
    Male
    North West
    Thought I had better apologise, but this is where I am at. Up and down, round and round. tried myself to find somewhere, but SS said no I will have to go with their brokerage at first. Now we wait and wait and wait. I go over it and over it in my head, yes then no, then yes again. Am I right am I wrong?

    There is no respect here for being human and there is no respect for what we have to deal with, it is a constant fight until we become tired, or blinded by emotion or even worse pushed to our knees, and I am sick of it.
     
  17. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,062
    #737 Rosettastone57, Oct 23, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2019
    I would be fed up as well. It's an unacceptable wait. No magic answers I'm afraid.
     
  18. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    972
    Male
    North West
    My parents had a good retirement fund and they spent it enjoying their time together, rather than being miserable waiting for a rainy day. Now mum is on her own, the money rightfully spent with a disease that is no different to any other terminal disease, and quite frankly if you are lucky enough to be in the position you are in good luck to you, but many of us aren't and not through our own fault.
     
  19. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,809
    Female
    South coast
    I too am fed up with being messed around.

    After OHs spell in hospital his mobility has declined - he is much more unsteady on his feet. We have had grab rails put in the shower, but OH needs an OT to assess whether he is safe to shower and Im waiting for them to contact me. In the meantime OH has not had a shower since he came home from hospital.

    I will also need carers to come in and help him shower and dress and Ive contacted several care agencies about this. One was supposed to be coming this afternoon to assess him, but didnt turn up. The rest havent even phoned back.
    We will be self-funded (at least for a while), but even so it feels like no one can be bothered and Ive wasted a whole afternoon.

    I guess they are simply overwhelmed with numbers, but it doesnt make me feel better.
     
  20. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,519
    This is really tough, I hope you hear something soon, as you say dementia is the Cinderella illness.
    The symptoms are as complex it not more than other illnesses.
    Like many we planned for retirement but no one can plan for dementia on a normal income.
    It should be a shared risk.
    Look after yourself if you can. X
     

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