Good morning @Palerider - thanks for the reply to my novel length post to you last night.
I am pleased that your Mum is doing better today - but realise how that will make you feel and how it will make you question the point that you have come to. I think that the vast majority of us who have been in your position have experienced the same. You feel so desperately sad about the state of things that one good day starts you questioning and doubting all that you have planned and your mind has started to come to terms with.
It's a bit like knowing that you should really go and have something checked out at the doctor (or dentist!!) - it gets bad enough for you to make the decision to bite the bullet, you make the appointment and then suddenly the symptoms all go away. You question your decisions, you cancel the appointment and then the pain rapidly comes back with a vengeance.
It's like you wrote last night - those of that care will have these doubts and will cling onto anything we can to retain the status quo for our loved ones. Dementia is a cruel mistress though and gradually those we love become diminished to the point that we have to make a new normal for them.
In my heart of hearts I knew that it was the right time to put my lovely Mum into residential care, as much as I felt I had let everyone down by doing so. 2.5 years on and I know that she could not and would not have survived if I had retained the status quo and bolted on even more Care visits and help. Despite her being in care during that time, I still had her and she had me! I am so glad that she entered the home able to join in and become known and loved as a person, rather than arrive further down the line, as a very sick, incapable and confused lady that rarely leaves her room.
Sorry Palerider - another novel from me ...... I write as I speak ..... a lot!!!!
It's a difficult time and I am thinking of you. Try and enjoy this good day with Mum and (easier said than done) try not to stress about what will happen.
Cx
I am pleased that your Mum is doing better today - but realise how that will make you feel and how it will make you question the point that you have come to. I think that the vast majority of us who have been in your position have experienced the same. You feel so desperately sad about the state of things that one good day starts you questioning and doubting all that you have planned and your mind has started to come to terms with.
It's a bit like knowing that you should really go and have something checked out at the doctor (or dentist!!) - it gets bad enough for you to make the decision to bite the bullet, you make the appointment and then suddenly the symptoms all go away. You question your decisions, you cancel the appointment and then the pain rapidly comes back with a vengeance.
It's like you wrote last night - those of that care will have these doubts and will cling onto anything we can to retain the status quo for our loved ones. Dementia is a cruel mistress though and gradually those we love become diminished to the point that we have to make a new normal for them.
In my heart of hearts I knew that it was the right time to put my lovely Mum into residential care, as much as I felt I had let everyone down by doing so. 2.5 years on and I know that she could not and would not have survived if I had retained the status quo and bolted on even more Care visits and help. Despite her being in care during that time, I still had her and she had me! I am so glad that she entered the home able to join in and become known and loved as a person, rather than arrive further down the line, as a very sick, incapable and confused lady that rarely leaves her room.
Sorry Palerider - another novel from me ...... I write as I speak ..... a lot!!!!
It's a difficult time and I am thinking of you. Try and enjoy this good day with Mum and (easier said than done) try not to stress about what will happen.
Cx