A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Bikerbeth

    Just got through to SS they will refer to the day duty SW and call me back in the hour. Also waiting for a call from mums GP
     
  2. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    558
    Thinking of you @Palerider. I hope the SW has some practical advice.
     
  3. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    Just got off the phone with the GP, said she is on the wrong antibiotic for her UTI. So we are going to trial another one for 24 hours. Still waiting for SS to call back
     
  4. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    505
    Female
    High Peak
    Oh dear - looks like you're in for a day of frustration dealing with the various 'service' providers.

    And fingers crossed the change in your mum is down to the UTI and not a general progression. Time will tell... :(
     
  5. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    Hmm unfortunately it comes down to who can shout loudest sometimes @Jaded'n'faded. The GP wasn't mums GP so it was a quick telephone review (no surprise there), but what to expect with services as they are these days? They have many patients to see and problems to sort in a day.

    Another six minutes and I'll be back on the phone to the SS, its nearly two hours now
     
  6. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Sarasa ...its going to be a long day
     
  7. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    505
    Female
    High Peak
    @Palerider Any progress?
     
  8. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    The SS have still not called me back after calling them again
     
  9. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    505
    Female
    High Peak
    What a surprise :mad:

    As if you don't have enough to cope with...
     
  10. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West

    I have just called them again and made myself clear about taking the day off from work to get a review which I was told would happen at 9am within the hour. The poor person on the end of the phone has now been shaken into speaking to the 'manager':mad::rolleyes:
     
  11. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    Anyway we have the right antibiotics now @Jaded'n'faded, by the time I get any input from SS we'll probably be back at square one
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    Hello @Palerider
    Belated birthday wishes.

    Ive only just found this latest crisis because Im having a crisis of my own. OH has suddenly lost mobility and ended up in A&E on Saturday. Hes got a UTI too and ended up with IV antibiotics. He is still in hospital. Ive just had a phone call from one of the doctors asking if I am willing to consent to a DNR..........

    Its all happening, isnt it?
    I hope your mum improves now with the right antibiotics.
    Its all such a worry
     
  13. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    @canary I'm sorry to hear your news. Thanks for the birthday wishes, it was a trying day with mum not being herself. Your OH must have been unwell to end up on IV's. I think its the time of the year (thats my blind reasoning when I don't have an answer). DNAR discussions are always difficult, but they need to take place, hope your ok
     
  14. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    Im a bit shocked, if Im honest @Palerider
    Things have changed very quickly. I was not worried about consenting to a DNR because I know the downsides, but I was taken aback to realise that a) - they thought it necessary and b) - they had to ask for my consent, which means that he cant consent himself.

    Try and have a belated birthday treat when the crisis is over
    xx
     
  15. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    Finally they are coming in the morning to assess mum and see what the best options are. Another day off work -lucky my line manager is understanding
     
  16. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    Fingers crossed for a result
    xx
     
  17. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    374
    Bedford
    More fingers crossed for you
     
  18. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,251
    Female
    Chester
    I'm glad they're coming. In case your mum goes into hostess mode, or because she will go into hostess mode, have you written down what your concerns are and what outcome you consider is needed.

    The concerns are probably obvious, but what do you think is needed to keep her safe, and enable you to continue working, if you want to continue working. You have to decide how you are want to try and balance your mum's needs over her wants, and also your needs and wants are important in this.

    I suspect you need to think this through for yourself beforehand, so just a gentle nudge.

    I didn't really understand when I moved my mum into her sheltered extra care flat when the manager said 'she's safe now and you can relax'. I hadn't really understood fully the danger she was in at home. I also still think that only a crisis was going to solve it and was thankful it was a crisis where no one got hurt (she nearly drove the wrong way on a dual carriageway I think - she kept repeating for days that she hadn't which made me think she nearly did - and all the circumstances point to it).
     
  19. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    After 24 hrs of the right antibiotic and a nights sleep, mum seems more settled and has stopped going to pass water every 5 mins. She must have been exhausted with it especially at night. I'm glad we caught in time as an admission to hospital would have been a nightmare for her, she's very fixed on being at home most of the time.

    Yes I have thought of some options if they will help mum stay at home. The best option is as I said before to put a gate at the side of the house with a lock she has to fathom and also a fathomable lock on the back garden gate, however this invokes possibility of seeking a DOLS order throught the Court of Protection as it borders on deprivation of liberty. Mum is ok in the house and hasn't done anything unsafe yet, plus she is happy here for the moment, even in her increased confusion with a possible UTI. The one problem is the tendency to wander which is now becoming more frequent. Just to be clear, I have thought of this as it was her wish to remian in her own home, and this is the only thing I can think of. I can't say it solves everything, but we'll see what mums SW says about it. It would certainly help me knowing that she is where she wants to be, but safe from wandering off. It may be that she is placed into respite care and assessed for 10 days, and I know for a fact mum will not be pleased about that. But as carers I think we find it increasingly difficult to remain objective and we can loose sight of what is best for everyone all round, so I am open to suggestions from mums SW.
     
  20. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    885
    Male
    North West
    #660 Palerider, Oct 15, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2019
    Well the social workers have been and made an assessment, two this time, but this is now 'best interests' and there is no room left go to. To cut a long story short, they listened to what I had to say and I listened to what they had to say. Then we had a discussion about where we are at with mum and how she has changed. The recent not knowing where home is sometimes is new so we are at an 'inbetween' stage, plus the UTI, where she may recover or may not (I fear this will have knocked her back, and she probably won't go back to where she was before). We all agreed that the negatives for mum remaining at home are now on the verge of outweighing the positives. In the end we decided against the fitting of a gate and fathomable locks, as knowing mum she would in all likelyhood attempt to climb the fence or back gate, potentially resulting in unecessary harm.

    We went back over the options of day care, and how things are going with the carers, which to be honest is a mixed bag. Day care isn't an option as there is no way mum will allow the carers to put her in a taxi to get there when I am at work. We also talked about her daily care needs such as washing, hygiene and eating and drinking, which have become much more difficult for me to assist with.

    I also made it clear that I was happy to care for mum when not working, but when I am working I can't attend to her needs and to be fair to me the burden of worry is exceeding that which it should do when I am work, and this is obvious to close colleagues who know me well.

    I explained that I was now carryng out what mum wanted me to do for her as her advocate if we got to this point. That whilst we are now faced with a difficult situation, what options are left?

    The SW's gave two only options in order, baring in mind mums wish to stay at home:

    1. The fitting of door sensors and a decent tracker with help if she wanders, supplied by social services
    2. If that fails then respite care for assessment with a view to a permanent CH placement
    I have agreed to this as there are now no other options left and all other possibilities are exhausted.

    When dad died and mum had some real insight, we talked about this and what she would want me to do if things got worse for her. I think I have now done everything that I can do in the circumstances. From here on in mums solicitors will now have accept that we on the verge of moving to a CH. It does upset me, but this time round I don't feel the intrepidation I did last time, maybe because I am beginning to reach the point where I know I can't do much more, no matter how hard I try.

    Edited: spelling
     

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