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A lifelong friend and me

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
893
High Peak
So sorry today is such a bad one. Have you got a few hours to yourself this week? Can you plan for something nice that you can look forward to?

I sometimes listen to this when I'm feeling low. Not sure if it helps but it's a beautiful song:

 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
So sorry today is such a bad one. Have you got a few hours to yourself this week? Can you plan for something nice that you can look forward to?

I sometimes listen to this when I'm feeling low. Not sure if it helps but it's a beautiful song:


Thanks @Jaded'n'faded , I thought that was agreat song and video interesting how you get the feel she is almost drowning. I'm working long days all week apart from Weds and that will be fun sorting mum out after two days of not being here.

I get so fed up with colleagues and friends not getting how this really is, its not some quirky past time where mum has a few moments, its hardwork, letting her comments and actions fly over my head while at the same time driving in all seats none stop. As sure as I am tolerant and loving outwardly, internally my patience runs dry with moments of complete despair and then on top of that are people who mean well but have absolutely no idea what goes on behind the scenes. The constant babble, the constant reorganising, the constant and the constant bad judgements and comments by friends all makes me feel worthless.

I get sick of people who think things are so simple and straight forward, who have a family to support them unlike me with the invisible cold hearted brother I have and I get sick of having to explain it all over and over and over again, and I get sick of people who are lucky enough not to have to live this nightmare telling me how to live my ******* life
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,350
Thanks @Jaded'n'faded , I thought that was agreat song and video interesting how you get the feel she is almost drowning. I'm working long days all week apart from Weds and that will be fun sorting mum out after two days of not being here.

I get so fed up with colleagues and friends not getting how this really is, its not some quirky past time where mum has a few moments, its hardwork, letting her comments and actions fly over my head while at the same time driving in all seats none stop. As sure as I am tolerant and loving outwardly, internally my patience runs dry with moments of complete despair and then on top of that are people who mean well but have absolutely no idea what goes on behind the scenes. The constant babble, the constant reorganising, the constant and the constant bad judgements and comments by friends all makes me feel worthless.

I get sick of people who think things are so simple and straight forward, who have a family to support them unlike me with the invisible cold hearted brother I have and I get sick of having to explain it all over and over and over again, and I get sick of people who are lucky enough not to have to live this nightmare telling me how to live my ****ing life
I've said this on another thread, but unless a person sees dementia in action, that person, no matter how well meaning, simply has no idea what it entails and the impact the illness has on family members
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,418
South coast
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Simon
Unless you have dealt with dementia you have no idea and the comments of others can be really annoying.

Im sorry you are feeling so down. I do hope things are better soon
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Thanks @Starbright and @canary

I have to go and sleep work tomorrow and weary is the path of the traveller.

I am going to bed with this music in mind and to meditate on. To be clear as a Humanist I am not religous in any way but I love this music and the young musician who makes it:


Night everyone, and above all like me I hope you find some peace
 
Last edited:

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
554
I hope you had a good nights sleep and a reasonable day on Monday.

You are so right that most people have no idea of what its like to look after a parent with dementia. I know I am so lucky to have two siblings who also look after mum and support each other as well. But too many people here battle on without that support and I have such admiration for you.

I've had a good week regarding mum but my son ( going through a toxic divorce in the US) is reaching breaking point and I'm having sleepless nights worrying about him - I've had to give him another £6k to pay legal fees and I suspect that will not be enough! Life is pretty ***** sometimes!
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,967
East Sussex
Until you have lived it ... they have no idea @Palerider :( I got so sick of friends of mums saying “but your mum is lovely”. Yes she was ... TO YOU :rolleyes:

It’s relentless when you are dealing with it solo :( When people have an image of a slightly confused old lady who loses her glasses on occasions, when the reality is finding a book, glasses, plate, money ..etc etc etc .. all ... day ... long.

Tomorrow is another day. Somewhere, you will find the strength to pin on a smile and get through it. Cuz, you have to. Keep moaning in here, we listen, we understand and we will hold your hand while you do ;)

You are doing a grand job. Now focus on getting the other grand job, with less travel and hopefully less bureaucracy :D
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Well I felt lots better the following morning when driving to work after my rant the night before. I think I needed to say what I felt to someone, even though it was on here.

Today I'm trying to sort out a hair appointment for mum and also the chiropodist to get her bad foot done again, which is proving difficult as its Saturday.....will have to revisit this on Tuesday when I'm next off after the weekend.

I am arranging an informal visit for the new post I've seen, and they have very kindly re-advertised the job as I missed the deadline in getting the application completed due to working long days consistently (these forms are very long winded and ask for clinical evidence etc). There are others but again it would mean a commute of an hour in morning traffic, so I will think those ones over -I'm unlikely to apply for anything that requires an hour commute now.

Mum has been ok'ish on her own, the carers have there ups and downs, one minute she's ok with them the next she won't let them in. I'm sure its all very confusing for mum sometimes, but at least there has been a change for the better, it will take time but I'm sure she will let them in more and more.

The new back door lock has worked well, no problems with mum using it and no problems with being locked out anymore.

I don't know how much longer mum will continue here but with winter coming and another Christmas I'm hoping we get through it all ok, thats my outlook for the next 4 months, although the reality is that I take it day by day. We shall see. Mum is due a care review, but again pinning down a time when I and they are free is difficult.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
I have learnt a few tricks to reduce mums wine intake at family get togetherness - she enjoys a glass or two in the evenings when at home but as we do her shopping, we know she is not drinking too much.

But at Christmas or other special occasions, we have found it best to celebrate at my sisters house ( big enough to entertain the whole family!) as mum gets so argumentative in restaurants, mainly because she drinks wine as if it is water!

What we do is either add soda water to white wine and call it Prosecco or give her non alcoholic red wine with her meals. Personally I think this non alcoholic stuff is revolting but mum does not seem to notice! My brother in law makes himself copious cups of tea so he is under instructions to give mum one whether she has asked for one or not!

It's sad really how many tricks we have to learn!
Lidl Baywood lower in alcohol & tastes fine to me!! Don’t know if that’s a good recommendation but it’s pleasant!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
I was looking back today at how things have changed, before dad died I had always wanted to enter Masterchef, and decided to go for it and started practising, here are some of the things mum has enjoyed over the last 4 years
21432886_1808973259392804_1937614713191525827_n.jpg
21462659_1808986402724823_6997309886252988784_n.jpg
24174135_1841782772778519_2439490204666195940_n.jpg
53495584_2106139296342864_3322645090265989120_n.jpg
21557553_1808970992726364_3273560214631093081_n.jpg
21462818_1808972429392887_2998477996184702204_n.jpg
21430629_1808977109392419_7283461952376126145_n.jpg


I never got to enter Masterchef in the end, but the journey cooking at home was worth it, mum has eaten well and on some days my sanity has been preserved
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
893
High Peak
Wow! You kept pretty quiet about this hidden talent!

I particularly like the look of the lobster - more info please! What is the flavouring?

And is it meant to look like a dinosaur? :eek::D

Making me hungry now! Tonight I am planning a risotto (but with orzo instead of rice 'cos I hate rice) with mushrooms, garlic, shallots, spinach, creme fraiche, parmesan and basil...

So not a risotto really! :confused::D
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Wow! You kept pretty quiet about this hidden talent!

I particularly like the look of the lobster - more info please! What is the flavouring?

And is it meant to look like a dinosaur? :eek::D

Making me hungry now! Tonight I am planning a risotto (but with orzo instead of rice 'cos I hate rice) with mushrooms, garlic, shallots, spinach, creme fraiche, parmesan and basil...

So not a risotto really! :confused::D
I have learned over the years not to volunteer my cooking talents as people forget the poor cook also likes to have a drink and engage in the event they are cooking for.

The lobster dish is fantastic, it looks very simple and it is. Its grilled with a homemade butter, it looks like a dinosaur because the claws have been removed for another dish.

Finely chopped red chillie, juice of one lime, corriander, garlic and unsalted butter shove it all in a food processor and blitz, paste over the lobster and grill.....its that simple
 

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