A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Lynmax

    Lynmax Registered User

    Nov 1, 2016
    208
    You are doing a brilliant job caring for your mum!

    We are just about to get broadband installed at mums house so we can install some security cameras and a camera doorbell. The last straw was last week when a man knocked on the door at 6.30 pm with a sob story about needing money to visit a sick relative. Luckily my brother was there and gave him a right mouthful but it was apparent that he had been there before. I do check her bank account on line each week so I know that there has been no unusual spending but she does get cash out regularly so I reckon she has given him some of that.

    Mind you, I can just imagine mums reaction if she was opening the door just as I was interrogating the person stood there, my remote voice would freak her out!

    Also my sister will be starting to work as mums carer next week, she is going to do 20 hours over four days which means me and my brother can easily cover the other days, especially during the football season when he takes her to all Manchester City home matches! She is going to take mum out to a couple of activities for people with dementia ( walking, a keep fit class and a coffee morning) and get her doing more things around the house - to give her more stimulation and also tire her out!
     
  2. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    476
    Hi @Palerider
    This discusses the issue, if you haven't already read it
    https://www.quora.com/Can-I-control-my-TV-from-a-distance-using-a-smartphone

    Brilliant idea controlling TV from a distance - wish I had thought of that when Mum was living independently. One night she somehow accessed a programme full of naked bodies, and then she managed to switch the signal from normal TV viewing to the monitor on the gates of the car park where she lived :eek:. With the gates, she couldn't work out what it was that she was viewing, but knew it was something familiar. I am not sure how she did either!
     
  3. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Lynmax most days I just go with the flow and see what comes, we learn slowly but surely to take it one day at a time ;)

    Mum has already had cold callers at the door, one cost her £250 for nothing very much. Now she has no cheque book as a result (removed and locked away), as her LPA for finances I was ok removing it. Mum has her debit card but the limit is set at a figure I know is reasonable and her current account is not allowed to build up it gets moved to her savings account so if anyone does get her card they can't spend very much.

    Mum is lucky I have lived here, plus when dad was alive I used to stay over to give him a break, so the WiFi is spot on top notch and capable of running anything SMART. There are lots of things it can't help with, but it can help me intervene on some things when I am at work. This is always my biggest worry as I commute some 53 miles from home.
     
  4. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Toony Oony I had looked at other methods but they were just to complicated. This looks great so I've ordered the hub and we'll see how we go.

    I also have Alexa. Mum wouldn't engage with it initially but now she has twigged to say 'Alexa what's the time?' she can't stop. I'm expecting to come home in the week and find that poor Alexa has exploded from repeatedly telling the time :rolleyes:
     
  5. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,484
    East Sussex
    Is this the version you want ....



    It’s good for a laugh :D
     
  6. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West

    Chuckle :D
     
  7. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Well the Harmony control for the TV works @Toony Oony, but was more complicated than I expected to set up.

    Things are changing at work and as always it comes down to staff shortages and greater service demand we can't meet, our times are being changed as from October, which will make it difficult for me as mums main carer. I have decided that with the new changes to our shift patterns and the 100 mile round commute its time to start looking for a new job closer to home. All good things come to an end in one way or another, its a sad decision as my colleagues are fab. Important to not rush into anything, look around see whats out there :), there are a few very good possibilities.
     
  8. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    476
    Brilliant @Palerider - so glad it works. I am in awe of those, like yourself, that are technically savvy. I still need my daughter or husband to set up new phones, laptops etc, but am ridiculously proud that I set up my remote printer all on my own.

    A 100 mile round commute is not great is it? Throw in shift patterns too and responsibility for your Mum and it's obvious that a change of workplace needs to be considered. It's always sad to leave friends and jobs we enjoy, but who knows what may be round the corner? Hope you find the perfect opportunity and things work out well.
     
  9. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,597
    West Midlands
    Sad about job news, but don’t give up the day job - I think you know you need it, not only financially but for the time away from home

    Hopefully you can get something similar nearer home

    You are an important person doing two important jobs, work and mum, just make sure you don’t loose yourself xxxx
     
  10. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @2jays and @Toony Oony

    I actually don't want to leave, I like it where I work and there are future opportunities to do other things, but as matters stand with a certain senior person throwing their weight around I don't have the energy, time or inclination to fight our corner and neither does our lead clinician, but she's stuck as she can't commute elsewhere. Its easier for me as my base is in the North West anyway.

    We'll see how things turn out, I may hang on for while and see if the problem goes away or until a decent alternative comes up -which it already has (today)
     
  11. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,484
    East Sussex
    That sounds promising :):D
     
  12. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Mum was an only child so her uncles and aunts became my adopted first uncles and aunts. I have this week found out what happened to Uncle Jack (John) who ran away to Blackpool in the 1930's. I have written about this before on here. Sadly he passed away in 1947 by which time he was married, I had assumed he would still be alive, but I have since found he was the eldest of 5 children and would have been well over 100 by now in any event.

    Mum was delighted that I had found him but also upset that he was no longer in this world. She remembered him even now.

    I have requested a copy of his death certificate as I am curious to know whatever happened to Uncle Jack?
     
  13. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Tonight I made a spontaneous decision to take mum to see the Lion King (the new Disney version) as I am sick of seeing the same four walls day in, day out.

    Mum enjoyed it, but couldn't stop chattering with phrases like 'ah isn't he cute' and so on followed by me going 'shhhh' followed by mum chuckling saying she forgets not to talk loudly. The cinema was quite empty so it wasn't a huge problem.

    We left having enjoyed the film and mum has managed to have a late night, something she hasn't done in along time (late meaing being up after 8:30pm)

    Its strange how sometimes these things can bring a sense of normality back even though short lived.
     
  14. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Well I am working all weekend 12.5 hr shifts. I hope everyone finds something in their bank holiday this weekend, if not here is something I want to share: May It Be (Enya/LOTR)

    Believe and you will find your way ;)

     
  15. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,597
    West Midlands
    That’s beautiful

    Not that you are working 12.5hr shifts, that’s tough xx
     
  16. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Interesting development over the weekend. Mum has started to let the carers in and has been having chats with them. This has been for the last three days -long may it continue. I'm pleased, one of the carers did alot of damage and its taken weeks for mum to come back round.

    Its getting harder for me to stay on top of things, so I am hoping eventually they can get to hair washing and showering as I have given up trying of late. It definately gets harder trying to do basic things. I'm off today so at some point I will do a sweep of mums room and also strip her bed. Desperately need to whizz the vacuum cleaner round as well at some point, though that may go to the bottom of the list -the front garden needs sorting. This is probably the last time I will make up hanging baskets, as mum now forgets to water them and I also forget due to being pre-occupied with everything else.....
     
  17. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,597
    West Midlands
    I’m glad to hear that the carers are able to support you. Roll on the day when they can get mum showered and hair washed - one less battle for you

    When I can’t get the housework done, I keep in mind that the dust is there to protect the furniture as too much polishing rubs away the wood

    that works for me, until I can’t see for the dust kicked up when walking through the room then of course I vacuum... :)

    You are doing amazing job, even though it might not feel like it.

    Can the front garden not wait for a full makeover and just clear a little bit every day, just to tidy it it as you walk up the path
     
  18. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,432
    Female
    Dundee
    That’s good news that your mum is accepting carers more readily. I hope that continues - for your sake as well as hers.
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,326
    Kent
    That`s a bit of a tall order for one day off. :eek: How about a few hours doing something of your choice?
     
  20. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,484
    East Sussex
    Hi @Palerider

    Well done on getting your mum more settled with the carers, fingers crossed that continues. I don’t know if it wouId work for you, but I got a cleaner in, just an hour twice a week, I told mum it was to help me, not her ;)

    The cleaner did the “bottom half”, so she did the hoovering, mopped floors, bathrooms etc, in other words, the hard graft part. I did the “top half”, wiping work surfaces, washing up etc, the easy bits. Initially I got her to come while I took mum out for an hour, later, as she commented on the clean smell (very strong lemon floor cleaner), mum liked to be there, so I got an extra hour to run to the shops, or sit and look at the sea

    If you want to keep the hanging baskets going, but forget to water them as I often did ... get some small plastic bottles, cut the bottoms off and invert at the back of the flowers. You then fill the bottles with water and they will drip feed the flowers for several days :D It’s not totally fool proof, but it does help.

    I’m with @2jays on doing a bit of the garden at a time, rather than several hours in a day. It’s amazing how much you get done in thirty minutes and not nearly as tiring. Try a half hour a day, just you and the clippers, dead heading, cutting back or trimming one bush. By the end of a fortnight you will see a massive difference without being completely wiped out from seven hours hard graft :p As always .... just suggestions :)

    Remember... you are doing a grand job ;)
     

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