A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Yes it was, but in the room it was my secret.......wish I could have stayed but mum although enjoying every minute needed to go home after the hour.
     
  2. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    427
    Female
    High Peak
    Glad you were able to join in, Simon. Sounds like it was a really good evening for you both - hope you will be able to repeat it. :)
     
  3. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West

    I don't know how long it will be before we go again, work gets in the way and Fridays I can be fairly certain I'll be working in my job. But if I am free and mum is willing we'll revisit the karaoke slot
     
  4. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Tomorrow is graduation day, and I am not feeling the love. The weather is bad and to be frank I could quite easily sleep in and do nothing tomorrow other than keep mum company....and change her bed and do her washing ...and clean upstairs....and if dry mow the lawns...plus cut the hedge......etc etc

    I don't understand why I feel this way about it, but I do....but I will go and probably something will spark a memory of what it felt like to do something for me
     
  5. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Up showered and....wait a minute this new shirt I bought doesn't fit -wrong size :mad:. Mum is still in bed so thats a postive while I get ready and drive off. Mum won't be coming with me today I made the decision based on her recent behaviour changes, I don't think anyone would be able to sit with her for nearly two hours and keep her orientated and her anxiety low as to where I have dissapeared (sat at the front) for that length of time and she wouldn't understand what was happening with all the people around her in funny gowns and hats. I feel quite sad about it, but I guess the point comes when these decsions have to be made, without including the person concerned. :(

    Well I'd better get a move on, I have a drive to do and want to stop for a coffee on the way....I hope it doesn't rain
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,438
    Female
    Dundee
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,251
    Female
    South coast
    Im hoping the day goes well.
    No-one will notice the shirt under the gown. Get someone to take photos
    Congratulations

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    441
    I'm sorry your mum can't be there, but enjoy the day and time with friends. Congratulations on your masters.
     
  9. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,067
    Female
    Chester
    Hope all goes well and you enjoy the day
     
  10. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    116
    Congratulations, I hope you enjoy your day and take lots of photos to share with your mum on your return.
     
  11. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    427
    Female
    High Peak
    It's a brilliant achievement. Your mum may not be there but your friends here on TP are all virtually cheering for you :):D:):D:)

    Hope the rain holds off...!
     
  12. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    All done. Thank you everyone for your good wishes. Nice to have the certificate finally and read the award formally. I do have some pics, but they won't be available till later. And guess what ...it rained and rained and rained.....and.......

    Glad I went, but was very busy. I've never been to such a large graduation day before, much bigger than my degree one in Liverpool.

    Somone I knew graduating today asked if I would be doing a PhD next, my answer -never say never but at the moment I'm somewhat pre-occupied, remembering the long nights writing my last dissertation and working full-time in order to accomodate mum. Truth is I haven't caught something that interests me yet, when it does I'll revise my answer.....

    Back to reality :)
     
  13. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Arrived home 11:15pm, having worked two long days. Got to the back door only for the door handle to come off in my hand???.......what the.....?

    By deduction, and finding a screwdriver (philips) on the ktichen side, mum had clearly taken to DIY and unscrewed the door handle from the inside.

    11:56pm door handle repaired and closing. All screw drivers locked away out of sight. One problem -missing keys. If I can't find mums keys has she wandered off somewhere?? No changes on the tracker (attached to the keys). Physical check, is she in bed? Yes sound asleep.

    Will search for mums keys on the morrow, too tired now. Back door locked and feeling irritated :mad: -need to sleep
     
  14. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,251
    Female
    South coast
    Back to reality indeed :rolleyes: I guess she took to DIY because she had lost her keys and wanted the door open..........
    Still, Im glad the day went well, even if it did rain
    Tomorrow is another day
     
  15. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West

    Yup you got it, she couldn't find her keys. To be fair however, this shows some level of cognition to think of unscrewing the door handle to get the door open. Just a pity she'd forgot to re-screw the door handle when finished ...rolls eyes.
     
  16. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    A largely uneventful week. The highlight of my year will probably be the masters graduation. Mum has somehow coped this week despite getting a few things wrong such as cooking all of her ready meals in one night thinking that all of her family were coming home. It sadens me to think she stands looking through the window, waiting for everyone to come home like they used to. No one comes and the table is left with only mums memory, laid with knives and forks for 6 and a cake sliced for 6, with on slice missing, which she had eaten while 'waiting' and finally gone to bed. It's an insidious disease, and at times like this, the anger I feel wells up inside.

     
  17. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    414
    Female
    @Palerider ..Me too I hate this vile disease and how it’s affected my husband for many years now...

    ((((( hugs))))). A x
     
  18. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    361
    Female
    I loved that musical clip @Palerider.
    Your mum setting the table for 6 & waiting.... really tugged my heart strings. The thoughts in their heads wondering why no one comes home, it's heartbreaking X
     
  19. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    #279 Palerider, Jul 21, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2019
    Thanks Moggymad and Starbright.

    I don't have any words that really capture the feelings (hence the music), but if there was ever a way of being cruel it is to bestow dementia on a person and completely strip them of any human dignity, knowing and presence in the now.
     
  20. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,438
    Female
    Dundee

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