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A lifelong friend and me

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Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,046
That looks lovely. We live in a small terrace and you adapt, though crawling under the bed to get my shoes doesn't get better no matter how many times you do it.
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
788
Lytham St Annes
It looks really nice, also clean too.....it will be compact and you will have to make some tough decisions but there is a lot you can do now organisation wise in smaller spaces.

I think that kitchen will be fine, smaller fridge freezer and washer next to it, then all your other bits and bobs will make it feel very homely and cozy.

Make your bed up ASAP that way when you’ve had enough sorting at least your bed is ready......I’m sure you’ll have it looking lovely in no time.

I’m pleased you found somewhere nice and that has a nice feel too, you will soon settle in.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,150
North West
Thanks eveyone, its a huge step for me right now.

I spent yesterday just soaking it all up, but today I need to start packing up things here and commit to the move this week as I have taken annual leave to get it done. I am hoping I don't relapse and avoid the task set before me :rolleyes:.

I have had to find more slippers for mum that support her ankles, so will be taking those in today to trial as she is now very weak on her feet and the disease is starting to affect everywhere :(. I just wish I could pop in and say hello and stay for a while.
 

ARP

Registered User
Oct 10, 2020
21
In 2011 I left London to come home to the North West, after a long career as a senior nurse in intensive care. When I arrived everything was normal as far as I could see with my parents. Dad had been treated for melanoma which had spread, but he'd been treated and had survived past the 5 year mark (just). I had secured a job in New Zealand with a one way ticket, but something held me back -my mum. If I could have taken her with me I would. So with mum in mind I didn't go to New Zealand.

I had always mixed feelings about coming home, it was my roots and natural, but on the other hand dad and I never got on and he was a drinker ( and quite a ******* when he was ****ed on whisky). I had resolved if mum went before dad that I wouldn't take on care responsibilities for him. What happened is that dad died before mum and so here I am writing this. In 2015 dad died from his cancer, within three weeks his of admission to hospital. That chapter closed quite suddenly and I have to say quite emotionally. What was left was mum and me and a whole new world of Altzheimer's, mum and me.

Mum and I are are old friends, we are lucky in that respect. We have stood by each other through thick and thin whatever comes. We have supported each other and even both took our A level art and pottery together a long time ago which I am glad we both did. I didn't really start caring for mum until 2015, she had been diagnosed in 2010. She had a bad fall at the end of 2015 and when examined in hospital they said she was 'quite remarkable' given her diagnosis -I agreed she was amazingly good some five years after diagnosis. But, there was one problem, mum refused to take her donepezil, she had done since they were first prescribed and dad, for love nor money couldn't get her to take them. So I gave her an ultimatum either she takes the tablets and I can help her, or she doesn't I won't be able to help for much longer. Consquently she started to take them.

We have got through nearly four years without needing much help (although I have on occasion nearly torn all my hair out), but over the last six months things have began to escalate. Plus I work full time in the NHS and can't give up my job, I am single and have to think about my future when I am old and grey too (if I get that far the way things are going at the moment). I might be an experienced nurse, but caring professionally is very different to caring for your own, and I can say fairly honestly my emotions span from being ok on happier days to being very dark on bad days. Which brings me to something I have seen glimpses of in these forums, how we cope and how not coping takes over the carer, I saw one phrase 'carer breakdown' in one thread.

In 2005 London was bombed by terrorists, I was called into work to intensive care. I won't describe what I saw or what hospital I was working at, I will say it was horrific. But we carried on as we Brits do, 4 of our patients survived in ICU, one sadly died the night of the bombings. A year later something then happened to me and it seem to come from nowhere. I was sectioned under the MHA for acute depressive episode with an element of psychosis. I was treated for three months and returned to work a very different person to the one I was before. So much had been going on in my life all the stress, worrying about my parents at home, my own unhappiness in London and then the bombings, it all took its toll. Its over ten years now since that all happened.

I have recently involved social services (SS) as I can't cope on my own anymore with my good friend, mum. I have to say I always thought social services would be more caring and forward coming in advancing help when it really is needed. I like many others on this forum have learned that I am in fact naive on these matters and can say truthfully my emotions have ranged from feeling like I have failed mum and extreme anger towards the SS and in fact to the state, that seems to let us down over and over again. I am in tune with my emotions now after my own episode in 2006 and I can recognise the darker side of my personality when it tries to pervail and know what to do, but caring for mum puts me like many others at risk of 'carer breakdown'

There are so many different stories on this forum, I wish I could help where I can help but I can't unfortnately. What I will say is that breakdown comes in many different ways and often isn't noticed by the person experiencing it. When I was a student on my mental health placement (along time ago) I asked if psychiatric professionals become unwell too, they replied 'you can't work in a paint shop without getting splashed'. Food for thought.
xx
Hiya I’m 48 and about to be diagnosed and I also have 29 other diagnoses of other things. I’m still on my own with my cat. I have bipolar with psychosis but I don’t know which illness is which these days and to be honest I made a list for everything a long time ago but now I’m struggling to concentrate on them. I feel for the person caring for me because patience is not something that comes easy. And now I’ve lost track of the point of what I am telling you so hope it made some sense sorry if not x
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,046
Oh @paleride, wouldn't it be nice if someone broke the 'rules' and let you have a quick socially distanced chat or at least a look at your mum?
Good luck with the move We downsized when we moved here, and got rid of a lot of stuff. When we got here we had to get rid of more, but at least we were in and could do it at our own pace.
 

ARP

Registered User
Oct 10, 2020
21
Hiya I’m 48 and about to be diagnosed and I also have 29 other diagnoses of other things. I’m still on my own with my cat. I have bipolar with psychosis but I don’t know which illness is which these days and to be honest I made a list for everything a long time ago but now I’m struggling to concentrate on them. I feel for the person caring for me because patience is not something that comes easy. And now I’ve lost track of the point of what I am telling you so hope it made some sense sorry if not x
Oh I remembered
Hiya I’m 48 and about to be diagnosed and I also have 29 other diagnoses of other things. I’m still on my own with my cat. I have bipolar with psychosis but I don’t know which illness is which these days and to be honest I made a list for everything a long time ago but now I’m struggling to concentrate on them. I feel for the person caring for me because patience is not something that comes easy. And now I’ve lost track of the point of what I am telling you so hope it made some sense sorry if not x
sorry I was going to say how lucky you both are it’s a hard thing but your love shines through and these times are difficult and I believe the decision makers don’t consider every angle. There’s no sign of my kids coming to help me but they have got a grandchild each and my worst fear is to not recognise them. You’ve been through a lot for your mum,your best friend yours is a heart warming story but I bet you have been through the wringer one way or another. Hold your head up high you’re amazing xx
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,150
North West
Oh I remembered

sorry I was going to say how lucky you both are it’s a hard thing but your love shines through and these times are difficult and I believe the decision makers don’t consider every angle. There’s no sign of my kids coming to help me but they have got a grandchild each and my worst fear is to not recognise them. You’ve been through a lot for your mum,your best friend yours is a heart warming story but I bet you have been through the wringer one way or another. Hold your head up high you’re amazing xx

Dear @ARP , thank you. Try not to fear not recognising your children, they know you and thats what counts. You have lots of problems already, I hope whatever the journey you take it is a fair one :)
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,150
North West
Today arrived to drop off the new slippers and mums lovely nurse came down to say hello. We chatted for about 20 mins and I was given a comprehensive update on mum -which made me feel a bit better. The nurse (who I would love to name and celebrate) looked at the slippers and said erm...no. The issue is that mums feet are so swollen the cosey fit slippers she has are no longer adequate -she needs the same size but even wider fit. Ah I see! Does anyone know of anywhere I can find such slippers?

Anyway this angel who keeps my fears at bay is going on maternity leave in November and I told her that I will worry once I know she is not there. She said its ok her husband is taking over -thank god, she also added that she would love to take mum home with her. It seems that mum does have a new family now.....
 
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canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,964
South coast
My mum had very swollen ankles too.
Try these cosy feet slippers - you can get strap extensions to go with them if they are not roomy enough.

 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
891
My ("feet like flippers") mum has very wide feet which swell and a sore on one ankle which refuses to heal. Shoes and slippers just don't work any more and she has to pad about in very soft stretchy socks which of course shrink in the care-home tumble dryer. Some of the extra wide slippers for diabetics/edema on Amazon might work if the Cosyfeet ones aren't enough. Not quite as pretty though.

I found myself saying to one of the carers recently on the 'phone "well, you're mum's family now" . It seems such a sad thing to say but I am glad that they care so much about her. Good to hear you felt better after a chat with the carer, @Palerider . I think lack of communication is one of the big problems at the moment and it's difficult to time a call just right so that someone you really trust has time for a proper catch up.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,150
North West
Good luck with the move We downsized when we moved here, and got rid of a lot of stuff. When we got here we had to get rid of more, but at least we were in and could do it at our own pace.
It may come to this. I have kept mums cabinet, but now on reflection I have only kept it because of the attachment to it. It may have to go along with a few other items. Its funny how objects can become relics
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,150
North West
My ("feet like flippers") mum has very wide feet which swell and a sore on one ankle which refuses to heal. Shoes and slippers just don't work any more and she has to pad about in very soft stretchy socks which of course shrink in the care-home tumble dryer. Some of the extra wide slippers for diabetics/edema on Amazon might work if the Cosyfeet ones aren't enough. Not quite as pretty though.

I found myself saying to one of the carers recently on the 'phone "well, you're mum's family now" . It seems such a sad thing to say but I am glad that they care so much about her. Good to hear you felt better after a chat with the carer, @Palerider . I think lack of communication is one of the big problems at the moment and it's difficult to time a call just right so that someone you really trust has time for a proper catch up.

The search for even wider slippers is on, inbetween moving house.
Mum has been lucky to land in a place where the nurses are committed to good demetia care, that is the only thing that keeps my head above water in all of this mess with Covid-19.
 
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