A bad week and a very emotional one. I don't feel like writing much tonight, but have caught up on Johns Campaign -looks like they are going to proceed for judicial review on visiting people with dementia in care homes
The days have become still, and I am not sure why. I am drained of all emotion, well almost. Having read the guidance for care homes (again) I took to thinking about ‘exceptional circumstances’ -a term now coined rather flippantly in the advent of Covid-19. What is an exceptional circumstance or rather what are exceptional circumstances -that all depends on which way you look at it?
I walked quickly round Sainsbury’s today. I could feel the anxiety and guilt welling up as I remembered what a trip to the shops used to be like -mum chatting to all the shop assistants and tipping chocolate items into the trolly and of course a bag of jam doughnuts. Now I avoid the bakery section and confectionary aisles because it is too much to be reminded of anything remotely close to home. I frequently get asked how mum is by the guys who work there, which some how eases me into the trip round the store as I am reminded of the purpose of feeling like this. The drive home was the usual deep in remembering the past. Ironically part the road home has finally been resurfaced after years of neglect, just as I am not going to be using it for much longer, typical.
Anyway, this this time of year means a drive through autumn trees down some of my favourite parts of the area. The sun came out and shone through the trees at various points and I felt warmed but the changed light. This is the landscape of what was once home. I don’t know why I feel like this at the moment. I have moved round and lived in various places, but it never had a reluctance to it like this does now. In time the bonds are being broken and what attachment I have left is fading. Soon there will just be memory and memories.
On Saturday I take the keys to my new abode, but I’m not ready. Home is where the heart is. Something we take so much for granted because often we do not have to experience unwelcome change. Time pushes us forward eventually; no matter how strong the grip we have in the past time’s greater force exceeds it. As mum always use to say “you must live your life”. Change is fast approaching and I am already running to catch-up with it. Are we ever ready for the next step?
Hi @Palerider, it is so difficult - you are dealing with a lot of change on top of not being able to see Mum, I'm not surprised that you are at a low ebb. For what it's worth I do think you should be able to see Mum on the ground of 'exceptional circumstances' - is it possible the GP could support that claim (I assume she has been seen recently). Do take care of yourself, perhaps the move may be a positive catalyst, even though it may not feel like that at the moment.
These changes for your mum and for you, different homes, different conditions , sperate ways, all seem to have come together and you haven`t been allowed to take them in small steps.
Please try to take care of yourself. You know you will adjust in time but time is not what you have been given.
Well the day has arrived, another step...so today I have collected the keys to the new house. I think I chose right. It feels right and thats the main thing. First thing is that I will have to purchase a fridge/freezer the kitchen is tiny so the current fridge and freezer will have to go, which is not bad thing as the fridge needs renewing anyway. I'm not quite sure how everything is going to fit, because its a small cosy terraced house -quite compact there isn't room for dining table and chairs and other items so some decisions will have to be made.