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A lifelong friend and me

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,011
North West
For those of us stuck with our person with dementia in a care home and not being able to visit them. Its my own work so feel free to share it.

So that they might not forget us, nor we them
forget me not 2020 coronavirus with watkin observer mark.png


It reads:
"forget me not through coronavirus 2020"
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
507
I used your link @Palerider to email Lord Bethnell and Baroness Andrews ( it said if you did a bulk email to more than 6 members they are disregarded)
Fingers crossed I get a response and it is more helpful than those to the MP have been. Thank you
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,011
North West
I used your link @Palerider to email Lord Bethnell and Baroness Andrews ( it said if you did a bulk email to more than 6 members they are disregarded)
Fingers crossed I get a response and it is more helpful than those to the MP have been. Thank you
I'll be writing to the Lords this evening as we seem to be stuck on 'blanket policies and procedures' after several months now of working this issue out on visiting. We are going to have to accept as a society that this is it, and get on with it. I don't understand why care homes have become effectively prisons when as I have said before PPE and testing is the only way regardless of numbers of cases (R number). Cases of Covid-19 that are now arising are in the younger population, and it seems this is through close mixing without use of PPE or approapriate hand hygiene etc. How this has anything to do with visiting in care homes I have no idea, because there is no way of knowing who has it and who doesn't other than being safe and assuming everyone has it! Its a conundrum people are paid hefty salaries to resolve and yet here we are again 😡
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,011
North West
Well its been a beautiful September day and this time of year is my favourite, on into October.

Today the care home called me to tell me about mum having another fall, luckily there was no significant injury. Her nurse asked for consent to give mum her flu jab and of course I said yes -mum was always keen to have it every year. I asked how mum was and she told me she is plodding on. Yesterday there was another resident with an nice bowel and they were both chatting away about it. Mum continues not to eat other than milk shakes and some porridge but not every day. Her legs I am told are now severe and she can barely move them, but she still tries to wander round the unit as best she can. She has taken to calling one of the nurses Simon, which ironically is appropriate -if you grasp what I mean.
I have gathered a few presents for mums birthday on Wednsday and I had a chat with her nusre about mum having some alcohol on that day -she agreed that a small bottle of champers would probably go down well (its only an individual bottle of champagne 20cL). I have also arranged for some flowers to be delivered and chose these (but are dependent on what is available):
1601225990187.png


If I can't be with my mum, the best I can do is make sure I am there in thought and deed
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
I’m sorry to hear about mums legs , I hope they don’t cause her any pain . Shame too that she isn’t eating much. The flowers look beautiful , and the small champagne sounds perfect , I’m sure she will feel loved and spoiled , but terribly sad that you can’t be with her . Can you record a message for Mum ?
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,011
North West
Its all so very difficult because mum is close to the end of her life and I can't participate in that journey because of the new lockdown. All I can do is hope and pray that she is safe and fast set on a peaceful journey to where she is going -and make no misunderstanding it pains me to sit here and have to reason out this last bit of our journey seperated and alone, isolated on to a forum of friends but who remain strangers in some way. How can this all be? I can't write anymore other than transfer my thoughts and post to this

 
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Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
Wow that was intensely powerful , I have to admit I couldn’t listen to it all, I have to stop myself listening to music that invokes strong feelings and emotions or else I would be a weeping mess. Take care. X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,711
Yorkshire
Sorry to read about your mums fall and her legs 🤗 its so sad you can't visit on her birthday. Those flowers are a lovely arrangement and the champagne sounds like a lovely idea too. x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,962
Kent
That song is so emotional @Palerider and so beautiful. It`s the first time I`ve heard it but it certainly won`t be the last.

I`m sad for you, for the separation from your mum at this time and for the pain in your heart.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
882
Hi @Palerider, my heart goes out to you, the situation is so unjust after everything you have done for Mum, it must be incredibly painful and so very frustrating. Take care of yourself.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,856
Nottinghamshire
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you @Palerider . I chose that song to play in dad’s wake selection. It always has me in tears. We went to the cinema together to watch “The Lord of the Rings”
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,011
North West
Thanks everyone

@Pete1 yesterday was one of the most difficult days I have endured so far in the last five years of this journey,
culminating in a melt down on my own of all the sadness I feel in the now.

Thanks @Grannie G @Izzy it is indeed a fitting song for anyone at this stage in their lives knowing what is to come and being powerless to engage in any meaningful way -it is a reach into the void and where the crossover begins and ends. I think Howard Shore wrote some fine music for the Tolkien films. A consultant colleague once said to me the spiritual journey at the end of life begins long before its end -I often pondered what he meant by that until now.

Yes @Bunpoots I took mum to see War Horse, safe to say I now can't watch it because it sets me of. I love Tolkien and many of the passages he wrote in both The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings -fantasy but also truth. I think alot of his worldly experience was captured in his stories.

Anyway I home after another day of work and am feeling utterly beaten and done.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,011
North West
Well today is mum's birthday. I have taken in her presents. I was told that her flowers had a arrived and they wre 'beautiful' so thats a relief. Mum, I was told was dosing with her curlers still in (made me chuckle). Hoping she has some joy today even if it isn't as she once was.
 

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