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A lifelong friend and me

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Well I've just lit my new BBQ and thought I'd drop a line or two in the old spectacles (take note @Jaded'n'faded ). I had to go to mums CH today as I felt compelled to, so used an excuse to catch up with her nurse for the day -proper. Mum is ok and apparently very chatty at times to the amusement of the nurses. I worry that she is unhappy, but she seems by all accounts ok but she does ask for me. Turns out the only way they can get mum to eat is by telling her that 'Simon said...'. I got upset when she asked for me and the nurse said 'oh he's working today' she replied 'oh not again'.

I've decided if I don't get some resolution in seeing mum soon I will instruct a solicitor who specialises in this and take it further as my own pleas seem to repeatedly fall on deaf ears
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,418
South coast
Im glad you are getting used to your glasses. When I first got varifocals it was awful - it felt like everything was moving and I couldnt get things properly into focus. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I had paid so much for them and I was damned if I was going to take them back!! It took me about 3 or 4 weeks to get really used to them and now its fine.

I hope you dont have to resort to a solicitor
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
Glad you got some positive feedback from the nurse but so frustrating still no visits. I too hope you don’t have to go down the legal route.
Did you manage to make a start on finding somewhere to live ?
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
Nice to hear you got an update and Mum sounds as happy as can be , Enjoy the BBQ . I too hope you don’t need to engage a solicitor and that something is sorted soon. Take care.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
556
I suspect our visits to my mum will no longer take place, the home are currently under total lockdown again as they have ten residents and some staff with positive Covid test results - mum included! We had been having garden visits in a gazebo, just for half an hour about once a week but I can't see them allowing them again after this outbreak.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Well I've had some sad news today, my Uncle Harry passed away on Saturday. That now leaves my Aunt Ruth (Harry's wife and mums SIL) and mum -all the other immediate family are dead. I'm beginning to feel lke an orphan, nature is so unfair but such is the cycle of life I guess
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
I’m sorry to hear that , condolences to you on the loss of your Uncle Harry . Tis indeed the circle of life , doesn’t make it any less painful though . 🤗 X
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,418
South coast
Yes, mum was the last of her generation and I remember when I suddenly realised that I was now the oldest person in the family
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Hmm an emotional day. I had to take the original LPA to the solicitors today so they could make a certified copy for the buyers solicitor and I seemed to drive down the roads mum and I used to drive round. My eyes got watery here n there. Not sure if driving those roads was a subconscious thing, but it brought back alot of memories -not just of mum but my gran and other family too.😢

My mini laptop isn't coping with the volume or amount of files I have open so have spent my spare dosh on a new desktop -baked beans for the rest of the month. Still not found anywhere suitable -hoping something crops up soon 😬
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
I fell alseep mid afternoon as I was so tired and woke just after 1am to a huge rip roaring thunderstorm -quite spooky. A huge lightening bolt has hit close by and took out the electricity for seconds. Glad the elctricity did come back on, otherwise it was going to be a long night in the dark. Feels like a grande finale to something, though I'm not quite sure what?

Work today and now I can't sleep. I have bacon and eggs in the fridge -is it too early for breakfast? Didn't eat last night as I was out cold. I have sausages too (just looked), though the mushrooms have not survived :rolleyes:

The truth if I am honest is that I am feeling very lost at the moment, letting go of what once was, is a tricky thing to do, and I'm not ready yet. I'd best eat soemthing my tummy is rumbling and try to get some more sleep -up at 6
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,701
Hope you enjoyed your early breakfast and are now getting a bit of sleep. I can't sleep because it's too darn hot. We could do with a thunderstorm, but they aren't due here till Wednesday.
Sorry you are feeling lost @Palerider. I hope the shape of your new life begins to become clear to you soon.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
It’s perfect normal to feel lost , your whole way of life has changed , the loss of your Uncle probably isn’t helping in that feeling of losing loved one’s . I too hope you enjoyed early breakfast and are sleeping now unlike us ! Too hot for me to sleep too, please send that thunderstorm down here . Take care .
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
867
The truth if I am honest is that I am feeling very lost at the moment, letting go of what once was, is a tricky thing to do, and I'm not ready yet.
Hi @Palerider, I don't think you ever truly let go - those feeling and memories are still in your thoughts, even when you have 'moved on', probably just less prominent, making fewer and fewer appearances as time goes on.

All the best.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
423
Hi @Palerider
Good news about the house sale.
Hope you manage to get to see your mum soon.
My mum has just had another coved test as she had a slight temperature on Sunday, it's probably because she currently has an infection, but the care home are have tested to be on the safe side, but mum is now confined to her room, which she doesn't like.
It must be worse than being in prison for the residents at this time.
Am hoping to see her in the garden when I go up next month, but who knows?!,
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Well I have had a response to my letter about visiting which I wrote to our MP, the response is from the local authority regulatory compliance officer, here it is:

Dear Mr xxxxxxxx
We have received a copy of your email from Rt. Hon. Esther Mc Vey’s office. I am sorry to hear about your personal situation and not being able to visit your mum at her care home.
Unfortunately, as you are no doubt aware, current government guidance of 31st July 2020, is still on a risk based approach taking into account local infection rates, COVID testing of staff and residents, policies of the individual care home and assessments by the local director for public health.
Therefore, you may have to wait for an update from the care home itself to suggest the measures it has in place, in addition to any local restrictions prior to allowing visitors. I am sorry I cannot provide more positive information for you.
Kind regards
xxxx
This is my repsonse to it:

Dear xxxx
Thank you for your response
Firstly, to be clear I have no complaint about xxxxx xxxxx care home, who have been excellent in caring for my mum.
I am aware of the recent government guidance having read it. While I understand the associated risks of coronavirus, no one is able to answer my question on visiting. There is a blanket response on this matter. As I have said in my previous email I have spoken with the head office of mums care home and they also directed me to government guidance.
I think that there is a general lack of understanding of the need for person centred care in dementia and how this situation is now being managed illustrates how poor dementia care is in the UK. My mum doesn’t have time and it is difficult to predict when her dementia will become incompatible with life, but she is at the end stage. In this situation coronavirus is not so significant and I feel the burden of the restrictions being imposed on visiting my mum are now futile in any event. I have also been tested and have no antibodies so visiting would not have needed to be completely restrictive -but this opportunity has been missed, despite testing seen as one of the approaches in management of spread.
I am not satisfied that the benefits of extra burden of sanctions outweigh the risks for those at the end stage of a life limiting disease such as dementia, further the rest of the general population may now go about their daily lives with precautions (including those at high risk) yet those in care homes are being denied such basic human needs. I feel that there are solutions to this problem, but no one seems willing to tackle them head on, meanwhile time is passing by. It has now been six months since I last saw my mum, who still repeatedly asks for me.
It is time for a remedy to this matter, and I speak not only for myself but others in a similar situation
Regards
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
That is a great reply @Palerider , be interesting to see their reply to that . I have everything crossed that this dreadful situation for so many is dealt with soon.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
867
Hi @Palerider, I think you have summed it up rather well. The seeming refusal to look for solutions when the rest of life seems to be opening up regardless is unfair. Basically draconian measures due to the horrendous errors made by the Government with Care Homes at the start of the pandemic. Some care homes have been closed to visitors for 6-7 months now and that is a large proportion of many at end of life time left, when their comfort and happiness is seeing their loved ones. You are spot on it's simply not good enough to point at the guidance and do nothing - it's not fair on those with dementia and not fair on their loved ones.
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
449
South east
Essentially they are being cowards. It’s easier to point to the guidance and block all visits than try to find solutions like most homes are. Another example of how PWD are 2nd class citizens ( maybe 3rd class?) when those shielding are now allowed out.
 

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