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A lifelong friend and me

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Hi @Palerider
Good news about finding a buyer. Hope all the paperwork goes through smoothly.
I can understand you feeling shocked and that it is closing one chapter of your life.
Wishing you well in the search for your future property.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,690
That is bitter sweet, @Palerider, but so good to have a buyer. I hope things move smoothly and you can really start to plan the next step.
Hope things are as OK as they can be with your mum too.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,932
North West
watkin.observer
Thanks everyone

It is bitter sweet, but I guess for some of us this is how it all pans out. I feel like I have been slowly strip of everything meaningful in my life, first mum and now what was once home. Its been an odd day, no work to distract me just pottering about and reminiscing of time gone by. I'm soaking it all up before I put my next best foot forward and move on. I think I have found a couple of places to view which are closer to work, but also close to home.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,404
South coast
Gosh that was indeed fast, Im not surprised that it came as a bit of a shock
Make sure you look after yourself in all of this - there has been a lot of emotional upheaval in a short space of time.
xx
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,552
Bedford
Thank you. I like that especially the last verse. I think I need to heed it more often.
I hope one of the viewings works out
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,932
North West
watkin.observer
I am fed up with not being able to visit mum, so today have again written to our MP, having read the recent guidance and spoken with the care home head office. This is my letter:

Dear Esther,
Sadly not being able to visit care homes is having a huge impact on my mum and also myself emotionally. I am disappointed with the recent release of guidance for care homes by government. While I appreciate the need to adopt caution, time is not on our side and the last of opportunity is passing to be with my mum as she approaches the end journey of her dementia. I cannot stress how painful this is to me personally, my mum and also others who are in the same situation.
I have spoken with mum’s care home head office and they have informed me they are following government guidance. This situation is it seems relentless and I feel unnecessary when the evidence is overwhelming that people with dementia need social contact with their loved ones, and their loved ones need to have time with their person with dementia as that bond is never lost and indeed becomes significantly more important over time. I feel that my mums needs are being neglected at a time when realistically she is dying from end stage dementia. While caution is needed for other residents who may still have a life to live, this is not the same for my mum and would argue that the current situation is highly disproportionate as my mum is on a palliative pathway.
Finally I draw your attention to a recent open letter supported by multiple agencies including the Alzheimer’s Society UK, link below:
I cannot emphasise enough how it important it is that I be allowed to visit my mum, for her wellbeing and for my own.
Regards
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
I hope you get a meaningful reply @Palerider and that something is done soon, Hoping you are able to see your dear lovely mum very soon. Great but painful about the house sale , it is something you needed to do and you did such a great job so quickly , hope the sale goes smoothly too and that you find somewhere suitable that you can call home . Take care of you too X
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,690
Thank for reminding me to write to my MP, @Palerider. I included the link that you posted, so thanks for that too. My MP is very good, but as he isn't in government there isn't a great deal he can do, but I know it's something he'll pay attention too.
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
577
Just having a quick catch up again @Palerider - and see that all your very hard work paid off and you have a Buyer. Well done!
It must feel so strange to be starting to cut the ties with your old home, but I've always been a believer in the adage ' It will happen, if it's meant to be ...'
Hope your viewings go well and you find the perfect place for yourself. Also hope that Mum loved her new undies!!
Take care.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,552
Bedford
I am so sorry to hear that you are still unable to visit your Mum. I cannot offer anything more. I hope the care home will have a change of policy soon
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,932
North West
watkin.observer
Thanks everyone. I have been quite positive of late, but not being able to see mum is getting me down. At the end of the day thats all that is left, and I can't even do that. Its a real catch-22 in terms of thinking about whether I made the right decision, but I guess if I really think about it, I wasn't in a postion to make any decisions, the disease took that away.

Anyway, the house has been removed from online advertising so I am assuming its all going ahead, haven't heard anything yet from the solicitor, but early days.

Off to work, and I am starting a new change project to improve practice, so that will keep me occupied and stop my mind from wandering elsewhere :rolleyes:
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,552
Bedford
A new project sounds good especially if it is really interesting and provides a new focus. How is the accommodation hunt going?
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Hi @Palerider
A new focus will help to take your mind off other things.
It's really tough about not being able to visit your mum.
I know I'm lucky in that mum is able to come out into the garden for a visit, and the care home has allowed 2 family members , having to keep 2 metre distance, but no need to wear masks.
When the "new" guidance came out I felt a bit worried that the home would have to implement the one family visitor and masks, but am hoping it is just guidance, not mandatory.
I do wonder what will happen with inside visiting in the winter.
I fully understand that the govt. wouldn't want a repeat of the previous fiasco, but it feels like people in care homes are like prisoners. Mum wonders why we can't go out, as previously, for a coffee in the park.
Will just have to "wait and see", tho who knows if we have the luxury of time , certainly those coming to the end of their journey do not.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,552
Bedford
I do wonder what will happen with inside visiting in the winter.
I fully understand that the govt. wouldn't want a repeat of the previous fiasco, but it feels like people in care homes are like prisoners. Mum wonders why we can't go out, as previously, for a coffee in the park.
I wonder what will happen come Winter too.
My Mum is the same as she does not understand why webcan’t go for a walk in the park and have coffee and cake
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,932
North West
watkin.observer
Well I have had a response to my letter, hoping its enough to get those overseeing taken to some action rather than blanket statements, here's the response:

Dear Simon,
I can confirm that Esther has now written to the Director of Public Health for xxxxxxx on your behalf and will share the response as soon as she receives it.
A response may at least make their rational clearer.
Kind regards,
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,690
That's good @Palerider. I've just had an automated reply from mine, but as he is in the middle of a leadership campaign I expect it might take longer than usual to get a proper reply.
I was thinking of you today, hoping you were well, the house sale was progressing and you were thinking of positive plans for the future. I also hope your mum is holing her own, and that you get to see her properly soon.
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
701
@Palerider I hope you get a response soon. It is good that they are forwarding it on, just hope they are not passing the buck.
My Mum is now on end of life care and I and other close family members can visit, with prior arrangement. We have to wear masks, gloves and aprons and have our temperature taken on arrival. We can then go and sit near her in her room - she is now bed-bound.
We access the unit by a back route to avoid other residents.

Sadly Mummy has had a sudden decline and is now not eating or drinking. She may rally but we don't really know how long we have. I have to say the home have been great and I was able to visit as soon as I was notified of the decline. I feel so sad to be in this position but also for those who are not being able to visit.
I do wonder about the local interpretation of the rules by individual homes. Sadly, the recent national guidance wasn't a lot of help.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,932
North West
watkin.observer
That's good @Palerider. I've just had an automated reply from mine, but as he is in the middle of a leadership campaign I expect it might take longer than usual to get a proper reply.
I was thinking of you today, hoping you were well, the house sale was progressing and you were thinking of positive plans for the future. I also hope your mum is holing her own, and that you get to see her properly soon.
I hope that this will prompt local PH to think more about how they are managing CH's locally and of course let me see my poor mum. HOuse sale is going through -solicitors are drafting their sales contracts -need to find a new home PDQ
 

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