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A lifelong friend and me

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
867
Hi @Palerider, sounds like really good progress, on a very difficult and draining job. Hopefully as you complete the clearance and most things are organised your mind won't be working overtime quite so much and your sleep may improve a little. All the best.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,702
I like the term HEXIT. :) Hope you have a good day of clearing today. You do seem rather more organised with HEXIT than some I could mention with another EXIT term.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
895
High Peak
I think you're making great progress and I am impressed by your organisational skills.

Now you only have the kitchen to tackle, though as that is full of your own stuff it will be much harder :)

How did the haircut go? Success or.... :eek:
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Thanks everyone

The last of the stuff upstairs has gone as the clearance guys came back and didn't charge me, but took the old trailer at the end of the garden in payment (not worth much at all) -I think they felt sorry for me looking so sad. I saw a few things that I hadn't seen for years and it was getting tempting to say 'I'll keep that' -but as always it turns into keeping everything. Besides which none of the stuff had any further use, even the 1930's christmas tree decs mum had kept were all broken and unusable, from a time when they were made of thin glass or thin metal. It is an emotional day and I have had enough for one day.

HEXIT is offcially on hold guys -for tonight at least.

And no @Jaded'n'faded I have not used the hair clippers yet -but I am getting close to giving them a go -consequently I will not, repeat not be posting any self pics any time soon
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Well here I am again, woke 10 mins ago and now have a coffee. The birds are in full chorus.

The dreams are becoming more clear now, and it all centres around mum, the house and well where we are at. This time we were in a strange place and she didn't recognise me and ran away, she dropped her purse and I managed to find her and persuade her it was me? Everything was as I have decribed recently about mum becoming more and more distant. Its not PTSD (I don't think it is), but what is it? Its quite weird and obviously ties in with my sleep cycles. I wake up and have an urge to get up and go -but for what? Then I can't go back to sleep as I am just restless.

Things have changed I consciously know that, plus the work friends have become distant for whatever reasons and that has made me feel more isolated. My real friends are here in the now and catch up with me when they can, but they live so far away we can't just pop over to each others and have a chat.

I am hoping this will pass as it is getting quite tiring in the day and there is too much to do to be half awake and struggling getting things done.

I haven't meditated for years, a useful skill and I think I am going to try and go back to it to see if that helps.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
You seem to have got into this early morning waking. Would it be worth getting up for a while - trying the meditation again or read a book, listen to some music somewhere different and then going back to bed. After a difficult time in my life I was waking at ‘silly o clock ‘ and found this worked until that stress went.
OH listens to repeats of radio programmes and that sends him back to sleep quickly
Random thoughts which you might have already tried.

I am sorry to hear that your work friends have become distant as you are right it can affect how isolated you feel.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,523
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Well here I am again, woke 10 mins ago and now have a coffee. The birds are in full chorus.

The dreams are becoming more clear now, and it all centres around mum, the house and well where we are at. This time we were in a strange place and she didn't recognise me and ran away, she dropped her purse and I managed to find her and persuade her it was me? Everything was as I have decribed recently about mum becoming more and more distant. Its not PTSD (I don't think it is), but what is it? Its quite weird and obviously ties in with my sleep cycles. I wake up and have an urge to get up and go -but for what? Then I can't go back to sleep as I am just restless.

Things have changed I consciously know that, plus the work friends have become distant for whatever reasons and that has made me feel more isolated. My real friends are here in the now and catch up with me when they can, but they live so far away we can't just pop over to each others and have a chat.

I am hoping this will pass as it is getting quite tiring in the day and there is too much to do to be half awake and struggling getting things done.

I haven't meditated for years, a useful skill and I think I am going to try and go back to it to see if that helps.
When I have these restless sleepless episodes I have founf that reading a page or two on my Kindle white, which an be read in the dark, works wonders and wishing 10 minutes I am back to sleep. For how long is another question but I think it is not turning the light on that helps.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,663
South East
You are stuck in a loop aren’t you , somehow you need to break it , can you listen to some sleep inducing music, lavender plug in , some lavender oil on your pillow ? Ultimately I guess while there is so much on your mind it is very hard to switch off , meditation sounds a good idea 👍 I hope you manage to get back to normal sleep pattern as sleep deprivation is awful, sure they used it as a form of torture . Take care .
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,419
South coast
Im sorry your sleep is so disrupted. Im sure you are right when you are blaming stress. I guess your mind is rehashing all the day-time worries while you are asleep and you wake still full of adrenaline. Meditation sounds like a good idea. I often use an oil burner and find that a mix of lavender and cedar wood is pretty soperific
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
577
Hi again @Palerider - to coin Bruce Forsyth's phrase 'Didn't you do well?!'
Not a nice thing to do - empty and sort out a house for sale - but you're almost there now.

Do try to get the sleep thing sorted - use any means that you think may help to try and drop off. You may be like the Duracell toy rabbit at the moment, pumped up, adrenaline fuelled and going at things full pelt, but your batteries will eventually run down and you cannot afford for that to happen. My sleep has been hopelessly disturbed for years - as soon as I got to bed, my mind went manic thinking about Mum. Even now she's gone she still invades my thoughts and dreams.
I have AF, treated with ablation, but still have unpleasant bursts of SVT. Food is my main trigger, but remember that extreme stress and tiredness can also initiate arrhythmia - so rest when you can. You really do not want a recurrence of those old problems.
Take care of yourself.
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
739
Lytham St Annes
I think it’s understandable that your stressed and it’s because you have that much going on in you mind it’s a whirlwind that’s manifested in dreams......

I know when I have had a lot going on, I find making a list in a notebook really helps me put processes in some order, which eases it from my head!!!

You are going to feel isolated, because your looking after your Mum and her affairs on your own and even though others can offer an ear occasionally.....ultimately it’s on your shoulders....and that’s a lot to deal with for anyone especially with a demanding job too.

I think it’s going to be very up and down until the property is sold and you can finally settle in your own home......thinking of you x
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Thanks everyone -its been a tough week and today has been hard as well, I sat for ages before being able to put the final remaing bits n bobs into a black bin bag and finally throw it into the skip. I have parted with a lot of 'stuff' because it is just that and hoping I wont suddenly want it back in weeks from now. Its enormously difficult when we asscoiate so much with objects and tat (no disrespect to mum), that never in a million years will replace her. I remember one of my close friends saying when her mum dies she's getting a skip in, we used to chuckle as her mum has so much clutter, but I can say when it comes, its never so easy.

On a brighter note I have finally heard from the financial assessor today, and the decision on whether they will disregard the house. This has taken months and the decision is........they will disregard the house from the date mum went into long term care. Its good news, but doesn't change anything as the property still has to be sold.

Anyway I have one cupboard upstairs left to clear and upstairs is complete, leaving only the kitchen to do
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Well that was a long night and I found myself taking suff to the storage place at 2 in the morning as wide awake and cotinued until 5am. I put mums clothes out for charity collection and found out that another charity had moved in and swiped them -not impressed by this behaviour at all, given there was a very large label for the right collection company:mad: What is it coming to when charity clothe wars break out??

The gardeners are coming tomorrow, I think they are desperate for work after lockdown I just hope they tidy up their mess not like the last time mum hired someone -spent half-an-hour afterwards tidying up after them.

I am sure my tiredness will hit me at some point today. In between that and HEXIT I also need to find somewhere to live
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,663
South East
Hmm I know you were wide awake at 2am but I am of the opinion that if you lie in bed at least your body is relaxing a little , rather than getting up and doing things , your mind & body need sleep @Palerider . Hopefully once you have got things how you want /need them for “HEXIT” you can start to get back to a more normal routine and get some much needed quality sleep before you crash . Please take care. X
 

Starbright

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
529
Hi @Palerider I don’t post often but do read your posts and I just wanted to say you are doing a great job under very difficult and emotional circumstances .....do take care of yourself and rest when your body tells you to ...but you know that don’t you. (((( here’s a Virtual hug ))). A x
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,937
North West
watkin.observer
Thanks everyone for the support. I can't lie in bed when awake its just not in my nature.

Well after struggling for days I bought some diphenhydramine hydrochloride tablets 50mg and took one last night and am pleased to say it did the job -apart from waking once for the loo. I drink decaf coffee so that helps as well. It got to the point where I couldn't do anything yesterday because I was over tired. I did think about taking a beta blocker, but my heart rate was fine and regular.

Anyway the gardners are coming today so thats another box ticked, hoping it doesn't rain as the lawn will be a mess with them walking on sodden grass.

Just some things to pack up in the living room, still have the kitchen to empty out as much as possible and finally mums cabinet with all of her finery in, which is probably one of the most difficult to do. It has items that go way back in it so it will be a slow process of wrapping with bubble wrap and boxing :rolleyes:

I'm taking the evening off hopefully
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
Pleased to hear you had a good nights sleep, it makes all the difference. You have done amazing on sorting the house out and now you are on the final leg.