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A lifelong friend and me

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,947
South East
That sounds like a good plan and it’s a little gentler on you at this hard time , got to do what’s best for you . We too say it’s worth getting people in to do the things you just haven’t time to , you have more than enough on and coupled with work you cannot do everything so delegating is necessary . Could you invite a few friends round for one of your lovely meals and a glass of something nice in return for some help packing ? Shame I am not nearer as I would willingly help you .
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,604
South coast
Well done, Simon. Thats actually a big decision.
You will probably find lots of rubbish that can be chucked out too. Is the tip open near you? I found so much in the way of broken things, old shopping lists, bank statements from 20 years previously, correspondance from poeple who had died, general tat, out of date food and all sorts of things that I have no idea why she kept, that I did several tip runs. Just watch out for valuables in unlikely places. I found a gold chain in mums tea caddy under the tea bags - I only found it because I decided that mum wouldnt mind me using her tea bags while I cleared her home. So check everything!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,814
North West
Thanks @canary and @Woo2

I have already found a gold crown and some gold sovereigns which must have been my grandparents and mum has kept along with a whole bag of old money -mostly shillings for those who remember
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
500
When sorting out mum's things I found an old bible that had been given to her mother by her grandparents & hidden between some of the pages were pressed flowers & leaves. Now that might explain mum's old habit of picking up pretty leaves & putting them in her coat pocket whenever we went out!
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
465
We are just beginning to clear mums house ready to rent it out as Mum is now in a care home - fees paid by the NHS Covid fund for now. My preference was to sell it but my brother, the money man ie miser, reckons its best to rent it as Mum has very good pensions so the rental will almost top up the fees. My sister already has a rental house ( in laws) and is happy to deal with the management company and tenants so I agreed to give it a go for a year.

Our biggest problem is going to be getting rid of the garage which has an aspestos roof - and is full of 62 years of junk! So, skips galore, specialist company and quite an expense coming up!

It looks as if Mum is having a DOLs assessment by one social worker and also a care assessment by a different one - all to be conducted virtually! Good luck with that as mum won't interact with a computer or mobile phone! Ive refused to give one so vial worker any financial details as mum will be self funding so it's irrelevant to the dare assessment - I don't think she was happy but the Care Home Manager agrees that it is not relevant.

I laughed today when I heard that the care home think that mum uses a walking stick - I thought they had given it her as a precaution after a fall last week. But no, she does not have one, never has so now they need to investigate where she got it from and who is missing one! My brother reckons she has pinched it to use as a weapon if anyone disagrees with her!
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
@Lynmax just a couple of thoughts.
Do you really need to remove it?
Not all asbestos needs to be removed by specialists. .

Asbestos cement sheets can be removed by ‘yourself ‘or general builder taking some precautions And with appropriate disposal

OH used to work for Health safety executive so if you need any other info please feel free to send me pm.
If you have already checked out the type of asbestos and it does need specialist removal then apologies for my comments.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,814
North West
When sorting out mum's things I found an old bible that had been given to her mother by her grandparents & hidden between some of the pages were pressed flowers & leaves. Now that might explain mum's old habit of picking up pretty leaves & putting them in her coat pocket whenever we went out!
Thats fab @Moggymad, I too have mums bible which was her grandparents its a thick leather bound one (proper bible) and inside are a few things including locks of our hair as children. I had forgotten she had this over the years and its an eye opener to come across it again -it just shows how much she loved her children. I've found pressed flowers as well.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,814
North West
We are just beginning to clear mums house ready to rent it out as Mum is now in a care home - fees paid by the NHS Covid fund for now. My preference was to sell it but my brother, the money man ie miser, reckons its best to rent it as Mum has very good pensions so the rental will almost top up the fees. My sister already has a rental house ( in laws) and is happy to deal with the management company and tenants so I agreed to give it a go for a year.

Our biggest problem is going to be getting rid of the garage which has an aspestos roof - and is full of 62 years of junk! So, skips galore, specialist company and quite an expense coming up!

It looks as if Mum is having a DOLs assessment by one social worker and also a care assessment by a different one - all to be conducted virtually! Good luck with that as mum won't interact with a computer or mobile phone! Ive refused to give one so vial worker any financial details as mum will be self funding so it's irrelevant to the dare assessment - I don't think she was happy but the Care Home Manager agrees that it is not relevant.

I laughed today when I heard that the care home think that mum uses a walking stick - I thought they had given it her as a precaution after a fall last week. But no, she does not have one, never has so now they need to investigate where she got it from and who is missing one! My brother reckons she has pinched it to use as a weapon if anyone disagrees with her!
Hmm the garage sounds daunting @Lynmax -I have two garden sheds which are full of years of junk, but not as bad as your garage.

Ah the walking stick saga's. Yes this is a common feature and does require detective work, helped of course if the stick has been labelled. Mum had one of her own and quickly acquired a second one in the CH, we have never been able to trace who it belongs to in the home. Yes as your brother says it is useful for waiving at the carers -mum uses it as a weapon when its shower time - luckily she is unable to use it with any real force, she also prods things with it :rolleyes:
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,604
South coast
Mum was one of the people whose walking stick kept disappearing. She said it was well named as it kept walking off! There were a couple of people in her home who took a shine to it so we usually knew where to look and as it was labelled it always walked back again :cool:

Yes, mum had used her walking stick as a weapon too. When I was told that mum had hit one of the carers with it (yes, during personal care) I was horrified, but was told that it was quite common and no damage had been done.....
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,814
North West
I have just ordered a skip! Its coming tomorrow as I can't cope with the amount of rubbish I'm finding. The more I try to sort and tidy the messier its all getting with little room to put the rubbish.

This is not going to be easy 😬
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
269
We are going to empty my late husband’s treble garage full of tools, equipment and other stuff, this summer...it’s taken two years since his death to even think about it. Luckily my son is spearheading the charge. I really don’t envy you. We will be getting a skip too!!
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,127
When we cleared out mum's house/garage/sheds shortly before lockdown we used a rubbish removal company as they worked out cheaper than a skip and their lorry was larger (we checked them out to make sure they were registered and not just fly tippers). I had to go through everything first to decide if there was anything worth keeping, and everything else was just left in a big pile in the garage.

Bear in mind that the tips & charity shops have been closed for months so best to keep a close watch in case the rest of the neighbourhood decide to deposit their rubbish in your skip!
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,947
South East
Yep we too had a skip, it was the largest they do and we still need another one ! Amazing how much gets accumulated , it can be carthartic process , it takes time and it seems like you aren’t getting anywhere for a while but you will get there .
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
566
Great idea with the Storage unit @Palerider - my daughter did the same when she was selling her place, just to clear the decks and remove OH's bikes and the boxes upon boxes of books!
When I moved Mum out of her house and into Retirement Living we hired a skip. It was absolutely necessary and worked brilliantly, apart from the nosey neighbour across the road ringing Mum in her new apartment and telling her what we were doing and what was going in there!
My husband bought a sledge hammer to break up the older furniture that noone wanted and that charities etc refused to take. Boy! Does he love that sledgehammer. I really suggest you get one - years of pent up aggression and frustration are taken out on each individual piece of furniture. Recently the sledge hammer took a trip with us to my MiL's place and a fun time was had by all (even I joined in). Daughter's OH also enjoyed a bit of hammer swinging to break up a bed and also found it amazingly satisfying!
I was able to deal with all Mum's bits and bobs, and thankfully have a huge attic so storage of the precious bits hasn't been an issue. The thing that had me regularly wiping away tears (and I am welling up thinking about it even now) are all the hundreds of little scraps of paper I found with my name on, my telephone numbers etc ..... reminders to herself when Mum knew her memory was going. Heartbreaking.
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
566
Oooh forgot to say @Palerider - if there are things that need to be done to Mum's place (eg kitchen/bathroom) you can estimate the cost of replacement and bear that in mind when offers are made.
Buyers always want a bargain and all the property TV shows have changed people's perception on 'haggling' - it's de rigeur these days. I would always go for a higher asking price, and then consider offers that take into reasonable account the work to be done. Buyer thinks they've got a great deal and all happy!
If you reduce the asking price to take the renovations into account at the outset, Buyers will still knock you down as they feel they have to get a reduction!
Hope you have a good weekend
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,604
South coast
The thing that had me regularly wiping away tears (and I am welling up thinking about it even now) are all the hundreds of little scraps of paper I found with my name on, my telephone numbers etc ..... reminders to herself when Mum knew her memory was going.
I had the same and yes, it brought a lump to my throat too.

It seemed like every cupboard and drawer that I opened I found (usually at the back) a little piece of my childhood memories that reduced me to tears. I still have a box marked "memorabilia from tallboy" that, three years later, I still cant bear to reopen.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,814
North West
Yes @Toony Oony and @canary , I keep on finding bits of paper and calenders with my name on and number or things like 'Simon wil be home tonight at 10pm' -its so sad and obviously part of mums struggle with the loss of her memory, makes me also realise how much she depended on me to make sure I came home :(.

I'm going to sort mums dresser and try not to get side tracked in memories etc as she has lots of things waiting to be rediscovered. I was hoping the BHF would be able to do a free collection for her clothes and bedroom furniture. Its a 1950's set that was my grans, well made and would suite someone who likes period furniture -will see if they start collections again in the time frame
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,388
Good luck @Palerider. My mum wasn't a horder, the reverse in fact. I got a bit cross when she threw a load of family stuff out after my dad died. I did find the letters mum and dad wrote while courting and they are in my loft along with mum's diaries and a few other bits, such as my dad's slides that I can't bear to throw out. My dad's slides are really boring unless you are keen on shots of canals, but they are so him I can't get rid of them.
I found BHF were a bit of a pain as they'd only take things in pristine condition and I had to dis-assemble it first. the local hospice were a bit more obliging and I got rid of loads on freecycle too. I just had to put my hard head on and go for it. When mum dies it'll probably all come back to haunt me.
 
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Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
766
Hi @Palerider, we found the same as you and @Toony Oony and @canary - notes and messages written in pads, one saying how I had suggested that we went to the GPs to get Mum's memory assessed; that was heart-breaking to read. Then of course after that window of time the messages just stop, as a new phase starts.

It's difficult sometimes not to get distracted, all depends on what you find. I hope you can get done what you need to. Take it easy though. All the best.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,814
North West
Thanks @Sarasa and @Pete1 .

I'll try freecycle as it would be a terrible waste to destroy my mums bedroom suite and my gran would go nuts -she hated wastefulness. Mum always kept things because she reckoned 'you never know when you might need it' whereas my gran wasn't a hoarder at all. I'm convinced mum was making up for grans minilism ??

I've changed tact and decided to leave mums bedroom alone (yes I know) but I'm not ready yet! Meanwhile I have rather stupidly taken things of the kitchen wall and now realised there will have to be a lick of fresh paint to boot 🤔