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A lifelong friend and me

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,809
North West
Well I have started the process of the house sale and booked a valuation for Saturday to start with and see if I like the agent. Its a big step for me to finally make this move, but I have to do it even with care fees resolved I have to sell this property within twelve months of mum going into permanent care as its part of the equity realease company contract and besides selling means mum is finally released of the accrued debt, something that upset her immensly when she still had awareness and was able to understand. It will also be a relief to know that she has significant funds immediately available should she need them in the future.

Its a sad time as this is one of the last ties left to a past life and home, but its not the same home now mum has gone into care -if that makes any sense?

I also need something to fill the void and have started to look at PhD's now univeristies are re-starting programs. I seem to have developed a significant interest in researching dementia care, so I may just follow my nose and see what projects are ongoing
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
One step at a time is indeed a good way to proceed. I am also arranging estate agents to come in and see Mum’s bungalow to sell (to pay for CH fee). It was never my home and I find it difficult to start clearing it out so it must be so much harder for you. So what you said does make sense.
I hope the friends turn out to be reliable and practical to provide the necessary motivation and support.
Something to fill a void and having something to look forward to is always a positive. A PhD would be stressful for me but if a project grabs your interest then that sounds good. Please don’t overstretch yourself though and take on too much with the house sale, moving etc; as you are more that aware, you do have some tough times ahead so you need to have some time to be kind to yourself too ( I hope that comes across with the kind intention it is meant with - when my Partner died I throw myself into so many activities/challenges to fill the void that one day I just broke down and it was a while until I could ‘cope’ with life again)
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
411
South east
I recommend you get at least 3 valuations and read the agent’s contracts. Some have very long tie in up to 20 weeks. Both times we used a small local chain of agents with a 6 week contract and a fee of 1% + Vat.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,809
North West
One step at a time is indeed a good way to proceed. I am also arranging estate agents to come in and see Mum’s bungalow to sell (to pay for CH fee). It was never my home and I find it difficult to start clearing it out so it must be so much harder for you. So what you said does make sense.
I hope the friends turn out to be reliable and practical to provide the necessary motivation and support.
Something to fill a void and having something to look forward to is always a positive. A PhD would be stressful for me but if a project grabs your interest then that sounds good. Please don’t overstretch yourself though and take on too much with the house sale, moving etc; as you are more that aware, you do have some tough times ahead so you need to have some time to be kind to yourself too ( I hope that comes across with the kind intention it is meant with - when my Partner died I throw myself into so many activities/challenges to fill the void that one day I just broke down and it was a while until I could ‘cope’ with life again)
Yes one thing at a time, I wouldn't enter a PhD project now till end of the year or start of next year. I have however found an area that is under researched in dementia care so for now its proposal time which is manageable.

I'm glad you got back on track after the death of your partner @Bikerbeth. It is tempting to just immerse myself in 'stuff', but that won't happen. Some of my colleagues have said get yourself a dog, go on a world cruise or go part-time and do something different -hmm all good advice so we shall see what the future brings ;). But until then I am loyal to mum and that is where for now my efforts lie. I just wish i could pop in like I used to and be a famiiar face for a while.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,809
North West
I recommend you get at least 3 valuations and read the agent’s contracts. Some have very long tie in up to 20 weeks. Both times we used a small local chain of agents with a 6 week contract and a fee of 1% + Vat.
Yes good advice, I have one at 1% coming on Saturday and need to find two more and I also need to get the house tidy for pics and of course viewing.......which reminds me I still haven't got the front door lock fixed since mum broke it and wouldn't open :oops:
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
566
Sound advice there from @Melles Belles and good to get the ball rolling ...

Remember @Palerider that whatever Estate Agents say - and they are good with the old chat - they, like lots of other businesses really need custom at the moment. They have had difficult times in the last couple of years. The commission they quote will often be reduced if you ask - just remember 'those who don't ask - don't get'. A good line is to find the one you like the best, tell them how much you want to use them over their competitors but mention that the sticking point is their level of commission!
I don't know how many agents you have in your area but it's always a good idea to go for a range - the most popular, a small independent and perhaps one that's got a reputation for fast turnover (there's always one!) and ask them when they value for 3 prices - a get me now bargain price, a reasonable price to sell within an acceptable timeframe and a cheeky price that you could achieve in time. This will help you find a sensible price to market at (some agents will give a hugely inflated price to get the custom and tell you to knock down after a couple of weeks, others will value low to turn it over quickly). Do your homework and find out what other similar properties have sold for, and highlight any plus factors. If you think that some things are less than perfect and may possibly deter a prospective buyer - think how you would sort them out, and give that as a ready made solution to the agent eg' I know the paint is peeling on the back door, but I expect the Buyer will want to choose their own colour'. 'Some people may find the room small, but it's so cosy'. The agents will appreciate these 'excuses' to use when they conduct viewings.

As for clearing, you will know the drill: KEEP - SELL - CHARITY - TIP - STILL TO BE DECIDED (make this the smallest pile!)
When I moved Mum from her house to her Retirement Apartment there was so much to clear (bit of a sentimental hoarder was Mum!) It was easier when leaving Apartment to CH. The things I did not want or realistically could not keep, I either sold and the money went straight into Mum's account, or I gave away. I did take photos of lots of things though - just for the memories!
I have found Freegle or Freecycle to be really useful and they are up and running again now, even when Council Tips and Charity shops remain closed. People need and want the most amazing things and you can organise it all without even seeing the person, including the collection!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,809
North West
Well again I didn't sleep well at the start but after getting up and then going back to bed I nodded off. I have taken leave until next Monday as I was exhausted and the last few months with one thing after another, some of which I haven't posted about has drained me espcially the pressure of the LA on selling the property, which although I was organising didn't seem to ring home to the financial assessor despite my plea for some reprieve becaus of lockdown -they still increased the fees and sent out letters knowing there was no movement in anything to do with property -it got me me utterly stressed.

So today its brunch time and then much needed tidying, although I have no idea where to put stuff while the estate agent visits??
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
765
Hi @Palerider, a challenging time for sure. We sold Mum's bungalow eventually, my advice would be don't always go with the cheapest, we used 3 agents in 18 months and the most expensive we used were by far the best and were the ones that actually sold it (I can explain more). I know what you mean though it can be quite painful going round, and that is necessary to maintain the property. Also when the property became empty we had to get specialist house insurance which required schedule visits of the property. OK, so I hated going round when it was empty still having all the memories, but when we sold it and I didn't anymore that's when it hit me most - after the initial relief of selling the property I really missed that connection! Totally contradictory and illogical, but there you go.

When the agents take the photos you can move stuff out of rooms for the pictures - they should advise on all of that. It would be good if you can get some help with the clearance too.

It is incredibly stressful having to sell the property to pay for care home fees and it sounds as though your experience wasn't helped by the LA piling on the pressure. As if life isn't stressful enough for anyone in that situation.

It's a good idea to have one eye on the future but don't put to much pressure on yourself at the moment. I wish you all the best, and hope you get some much needed rest (don't think of it as a waste of leave), and get to see Mum perhaps.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,343
Merseyside
Well again I didn't sleep well at the start but after getting up and then going back to bed I nodded off. I have taken leave until next Monday as I was exhausted and the last few months with one thing after another, some of which I haven't posted about has drained me espcially the pressure of the LA on selling the property, which although I was organising didn't seem to ring home to the financial assessor despite my plea for some reprieve becaus of lockdown -they still increased the fees and sent out letters knowing there was no movement in anything to do with property -it got me me utterly stressed.

So today its brunch time and then much needed tidying, although I have no idea where to put stuff while the estate agent visits??
I used to put stuff in the boot of my car @Palerider
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,809
North West
Sound advice there from @Melles Belles and good to get the ball rolling ...

Remember @Palerider that whatever Estate Agents say - and they are good with the old chat - they, like lots of other businesses really need custom at the moment. They have had difficult times in the last couple of years. The commission they quote will often be reduced if you ask - just remember 'those who don't ask - don't get'. A good line is to find the one you like the best, tell them how much you want to use them over their competitors but mention that the sticking point is their level of commission!
I don't know how many agents you have in your area but it's always a good idea to go for a range - the most popular, a small independent and perhaps one that's got a reputation for fast turnover (there's always one!) and ask them when they value for 3 prices - a get me now bargain price, a reasonable price to sell within an acceptable timeframe and a cheeky price that you could achieve in time. This will help you find a sensible price to market at (some agents will give a hugely inflated price to get the custom and tell you to knock down after a couple of weeks, others will value low to turn it over quickly). Do your homework and find out what other similar properties have sold for, and highlight any plus factors. If you think that some things are less than perfect and may possibly deter a prospective buyer - think how you would sort them out, and give that as a ready made solution to the agent eg' I know the paint is peeling on the back door, but I expect the Buyer will want to choose their own colour'. 'Some people may find the room small, but it's so cosy'. The agents will appreciate these 'excuses' to use when they conduct viewings.

As for clearing, you will know the drill: KEEP - SELL - CHARITY - TIP - STILL TO BE DECIDED (make this the smallest pile!)
When I moved Mum from her house to her Retirement Apartment there was so much to clear (bit of a sentimental hoarder was Mum!) It was easier when leaving Apartment to CH. The things I did not want or realistically could not keep, I either sold and the money went straight into Mum's account, or I gave away. I did take photos of lots of things though - just for the memories!
I have found Freegle or Freecycle to be really useful and they are up and running again now, even when Council Tips and Charity shops remain closed. People need and want the most amazing things and you can organise it all without even seeing the person, including the collection!
Thanks @Toony Oony just posted before I read yours!

Yes lots to do and thanks for the great advice. Mums house is a lovely home, but in need of decorating to more neutral taste -does need some work and a new kitchen, but most people would gut that anyway as soon as and buy new. There is extensive room to extend the property front and back, so anyone with ideas can be creative etc etc.

I know the value of the property to within a few thousand but its important to get ideas of where the market is now and I am not about to let anyone rip mum off on commission as best I can.

It would be nice one day if the cleaning and tidying faeries could visit and work their magic for an hour or two ;)
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,809
North West
Gosh I was going to have brunch (egg n bacon butty) but thanks guys @Pete1 @Toony Oony for your responses. As a consequence I have swapped to dunking chocolate bisuits in my coffee and reading alll the advice.

Thats a good idea @Cat27 -when all else fails hide it in the car, I like that
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,942
South East
We got 3 valuations for mums bungalow and they all said the same but we went for the local agent we have used several times, I knew I would use them though to be honest . I wouldn’t worry too much about moving stuff , they tend to say just de personalize it . I’m probably being really silly here but could your invisible brother help ? We packed everything up , rubbish as well and bought it home and I sorted some of it out over a few weekends, most of it is in the loft though to be gone through at a later date , feels wrong to get rid of things while mum is still here . Could you hire a storage place for the important things for now ?
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,809
North West
We got 3 valuations for mums bungalow and they all said the same but we went for the local agent we have used several times, I knew I would use them though to be honest . I wouldn’t worry too much about moving stuff , they tend to say just de personalize it . I’m probably being really silly here but could your invisible brother help ? We packed everything up , rubbish as well and bought it home and I sorted some of it out over a few weekends, most of it is in the loft though to be gone through at a later date , feels wrong to get rid of things while mum is still here . Could you hire a storage place for the important things for now ?
Oh @Woo2 the invisible brother on no account will be involved in this, because he will only tend to his own motives and see what he can get out of it for himself, and besides I think he has forgot I and mum exist. There is a line, and thats one I won't cross come what may.

Yes I think storage might be a way forward but its more cost, but we can't have our cake and so on I guess. I'm the same it feels wrong to do anything permanent while mum is still here with her stuff, so whatever I do it will be stored in boxes somehow, somewhere.

Its difficult, but I keep on telling myself if mum was able to she would tell me 'crack on lad, its got to be done'
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,942
South East
Me neither ... I did mum’s bungalow alone as sibling had already been in and taken anything of value including old rare things that belonged to hubby’s family that my dad had wanted to research :mad: I have boxed up things and it will be delivered to them after everything is sorted but that will be years yet . How sad for them.
It is incredibly hard, that’s why I chickened out and just bought it all home . I’m sure your lovely mum would say that but would also understand just how you feel.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,809
North West
Right @Woo2 - I have just searched storage and found a good company cost £12.45 per week -I think this might be the best solution for now

Yes families can the worse sometimes. Mum asked me to remove all the keys long before she went into care because my brother had already caused upset and generally had been a nuisance to mum. Just a pity he couldn't have turned that energy into being helpful :mad:
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,942
South East
That sounds pretty reasonable 👍 its do able for however long it takes . Oh my mum & dad has said the same to me , I had the threat of a niece/nephew moving in to mums and then I would have had a nightmare to get rid of them , I had to sell under the radar and they did keep ringing Estate agent to try and find out info, was hassle could of done without but got there in the end and happily mum has the profits in her account and not theirs !
Hope it all goes smoothly for you .
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,809
North West
Right then, the storage place is organised and paid for with insurance and I have arranged 24 hr access as well (ya never know when the tidy bug might hit).

I have some boxes to fill tonight and plenty of bubble wrap and will pick more up tomorrow at the storage place. I feel a bit relieved because mums still here and I couldn't divide her stuff up yet and I can clear some of the house at the same time.

Next part of the plan -garden clearance, the back garden needs sorting and I figure its best to pay someone as I don't have time do do all of this.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,385
Good idea to put things in storage. Those places work well. We had one for a year when our son left home and had no room in his new place for all his stuff, but we wanted our spare room back!
A less cluttered house and a tidy ack garden will make the place easier to sell I'm sure.
Getting a few friends round and some wine sounds a good way to make the job, if not more enjoyable perhaps a little less stressful. My husband helped a bit with my mum's place but it was mainly just me. As I don't have a car I had tons of exercise walking to all the charity shops with bags of stuff. Although getting rid of (most of) mum's stuff while she's still here wasn't pleasant most of it didn't hold memories, and hung on to the few things that did.
 

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