A life in the day of.........................

[gigi]

Oh Sylvia- that makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time- Eric and I don't sleep together any more-he says I disturb him-either I snore(ME?) or I try to push him out of bedD)or I scratch his back with my feet and it wakes him upconfused:-now I know I'm not that flexible) I wish we did though-i miss the closeness. Hope all is sorted by bed time love gigi x

 

[Grannie G]

He`s been in tears, he doesn`t know what`s happening to him, he used to be so independent, ran a business, taught Paul to drive and now lives on the state and isn`t allowed to drive, doesn`t know where he lives and doesn`t know what to do.

He`d gathered some things ready to go, his glasses, his hat, his keys and two shoe horns. But he didn`t know where to go and doesn`t have anywhere to go. He has no family and no friends.

And now Paul is here. He`s come for his curry, he couldn`t wait till 7pm.
He`s praised Dhiren, told him he has no money worries, told him how he wants him to stay here, how he is looking forwards to watching the football with him.
And Dhiren has picked up and Paul feels very pleased with himself, believing he knows how to handle his father, which he does, but believing he has taken him out of his sadness, which he hasn`t.
So Paul has gone home now and will be back at 7pm. Dhiren can stop pretending he is all right, and I`m left picking up the pieces.

 

[gigi]

Sylvia-I've no experience of this as Eric's daughters live in Australia. His eldest daughter is visiting in mid January-she hasn't see her father for 5 years and will spend a few hours with him. He'll also meet his 2 grandsons for the first time in 5 years who left as boys but are coming back as young men-and then they'll go again. I'm trying not to worry about the effect this is going to have on Eric. But I comfort myself with the fact that they'll come and go and he'll hopefully lapse into forgetting again-whereas you must have this more often. Love Gigi xx

 

[Grannie G]

It`s the pretence. Dhiren said he was glad Paul hadn`t seen him at his worst. I said he knows about it and is entitled to as he is his son. Dhiren accepts that but is so embarrassed.

Gigi, I really hope Eric and his daughter find some common ground. I suppose it depends on their relationship before they went away. The grandsons will be strangers, from boys to young men means a very big change. It will be interesting to see how they cope.

Love xx

 

[gigi]

I think it's more difficult for us while they still have insight into "something not right" Eric will sometimes fall asleep in front of friends and be very embarrassed about it.It does seem odd that there is still the capacity to "put on a show" for people-it must take a lot of strength on their part-almost like desperation-and then it leaves them exhausted and unable to hide any longer-so they take it out on us because they know they can trust us and we'll always be there. That sounds very romantic and am not sure about it but it's a thought. It will be interesting to see how January goes with Eric's daughter.Hope you have a peaceful night,both of you. love Gigi xx

 

[Grannie G]

This morning..........
D `What are we doing today.`
S `Nothing.`
D `Aren`t you going out anywhere?`
S `No.`
D `Have you no shopping to do?`
S `No`
D `Are you staying at home all day?`
S `Yes.`
D `Good.`
S `We have the doctor`s at five, but we`ll get taxis there and back. Otherwise we`ll be in all day.`
D `Good. I feI feel so tired, so exhausted, I don`t want to go anywhere.`
S `You don`t have to. I`ll go for the papers, if you want.`
D `Don`t you mind?`
S `No, of course I don`t. The walk will do me good.`
D `The best place to be is home. I feel so comfortable to be at home. I don`t want to go on any holidays, I just want to stay at home.`
S `You can do. You can do what you want. You can choose.`
D `I don`t think I`ll ever get better, will I?`

 

[zonkjonk]

Dear Sylvia,
what did you say?
Jo.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Jo,

I said, perhaps not, but we must make the most of the positives, and then went on to list them.

The two things that help him is he hasn`t got cancer and he has no pain.

Love xx

 

[gigi]

Dear Sylvia-that's a pretty heartbreaking conversation. In many ways this is worse than cancer because it affects the way our nearest and dearest think-it's not rational,therefore dealing with it isn't rational..... and tomorrow may be all right..... I believe that as long as there is insight there is a degree of mental anguish-not all the time but it does show....Love Gigi x

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Gigi.

We had drama this afternoon. Niggling toothache that began yesterday, suddenly became more severe. An emergency appointment confirmed a gum infection, possibly a gum abscess. Dhiren is on anti-biotics and will have to have the tooth out on Wednesday.

He is 75, and this is his first extraction. He is terrified.

 

[gigi]

No words of comfort for you on that one I'm afraid. Eric is a bit like Dhiren- dentists/doctors/illness/cancer/pain/headache/backache/opticians-shouldn't have to be part of his life-he doesn't need them...(but he's glad I got him antibiotics last week for his chest!) You're going to have to give a lot of support, aren't you-am with you on that. Love Gigi xx

 

[sue38]

Sylvia,

Dhiren has my sympathy. I have had 2 abcesses, very painful. There's something awful about toothache and earache isn't there? I had root fillings and crowns which was a long drawn out procedure, hopefully just taking the tooth out will be quicker and less traumatic for Dhiren.

 

[cynron]

sedation

Try to make sure he is sedated at the dentists,they do this for realy nervous patients.

Cynthia x x

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks folks.

If the pain is still there when he goes on Wednesday, he will be glad to get rid of the tooth, I know that. I`ve had several gum abscesses,and know the pain he`s in.

The trouble is, when he has had paracetamol, it has numbed the pain for half an hour or so, and he has forgotten he has an abscess. So then he has eaten something, without taking care, and brought the pain back.

It`ll have to be extra TLC till Wednesday.

 

[jenniferpa]

The problem is - by Wednesday there's a very good chance that there will no longer be any pain since either the antibiotics will have done their job or sufficient tissue will have been destroyed so that the abscess is no longer pressing on a nerve - I've had both happen to me. In the mean time, depending on where it is, external application of ice can help (it causes the fluid of the abscess to contract and relieves the pain). Mind you, that always supposes that application of ice doesn't itself cause pain.

 

[connie]

Sylvia, sending love and sympathy to Dhiren.

TLC on its way to you too.

 

[Lynne]

Sylvia

Just a line from a stranger, sending you hugs and sympathy for Dhiren's toothache and your heartache.

Best wishes

 

[Grannie G]

You are all so kind.

Every time the pain eases, he`s in the kitchen looking for food, has something to eat, forgets to be careful and we`re back to square one.

He has no recollection of having dental treatment, keeps asking me if we can get some tomorrow, doesn`t know he`s on antibiotics.

I`ll be glad when it`s bedtime.

 

[Grannie G]

Last night at 2.30am Dhiren was up.

The house made him feel claustrophobic.
`This place` made him feel claustrophobic.
I made him feel claustrophobic.

TLC and any attempt at physical reassurance was met with disdain. He had to get out.

He was frantic. Gathering things together getting dressed, in a frenzy.

So I threatened him. If he stepped outside the front door at 2.30am. I would phone SS and have him taken to a place of safety.

He said he would rather be in a mental home or prison than live with me.

So I left him to it, but assured him it was no idle threat, I couldn`t have him walking the streets, in the early hours, in that state of mind.

I went into the living room and closed the door. The movement gradually quietened. He came into the living room and said he couldn`t go as he couldn`t find his wallet.

I said, `Good.`

 

[Brucie]

Dear Sylvia

your Diary continually astonishes me with the depth of your care for Dhiren and the way you handle such a very difficult situation.

I hope he will feel more at ease today.