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A life in the day of.........................

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Canadian Joanne

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Apr 8, 2005
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Sylvia,
If you've found the least stressful way for you, perfect. I understand that Dhiren may keep going on but sometimes we simply haven't a choice. I'll keep thinking up more futile suggestions!:)
Love,
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,094
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Kent
No Joanne, it isn`t a perfect solution, it`s making the best of a bad job..

I try to be flexible. I always try the least confrontational way first and if it doesn`t work have to be very firm. Both ways are stressful, but that`s the nature of the condition. Poor Dhiren is equally as stressed as I am.

Actually at this moment, I feel like walking out and leaving him to it. I wanted to go to buy a birthday present for our granddaughter today. Dhiren didn`t want to come with, so I was going to take a chance and leave him. Of course once he`d gone out I had to stay at home, just in case the phone rang, he got lost, had an accident or was brought home by a man in a white van.

Don`t stop the suggestions coming. It`s good to know you care. :)

Love xx
 

christine_batch

Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
3,388
0
Buckinghamshire
A life in the day of ? I am still a wife although Peter is in E.M.I. Unit, still a Carer, Mother, Grandmother and friend.
When my son got married on Friday, I miss having Peter there. Peter was so proud of his stepson.
Coming face to face with my ex (who I divorced for Mental Cruelty) having my family there who were finding it hard, missing Peter's precence.
So we sit down for the meal and speaches. Then like the father of the bride does gets up to make his speach.
A large part of his speach consisted of a joke about Alzheimers!!
My Grandaughter (14) sitting to my left had tears in her eye and I looked down at my eldest son and he got up and left the room.
When we all left the hall my son was talking to the father of the bride and explained the situation and that jokes along that line were not acceptable.
Yes he offered his apologies to myself and my family, but I made him aware why we are trying to spreach awareness and added that there for the Grace of God it could be him.
Although I was trembling and keeping calm, I really wanted to hit him so hard with my stick.
Yes I shed a few tears at my son's wedding but I shed quite a few more when I was alone.
Thank you friends for being here because I know that you would understand.
Best wishes
Christine
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
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SW Scotland
Dear Christine

That's absolutely dreadful!

Did the man know about Peter? Whether he did or not, it was inappropriate to make such a joke. If he knew, then the man is an oaf.

Sorry, I know the man is your son's father in law, but surely he knew something about his son in law's family?

What should have been a lovely day for you, was spoiled. I'm so sorry.

Love,
 

christine_batch

Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
3,388
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Buckinghamshire
Dear Hazel,
He did not let anyone see his speech. You know when you hear a person say I usually speak to large groups of people.....
He did not check on anything, even took the mickey out of my son's french surname.
To say my DIL and my son were also horrified but at least my eldest son put him in his place.
To think I was worried about my ex upsetting the day !!!!!
Do hope that you are doing o.k.
Love & best wishes
Christine
 

gigi

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Nov 16, 2007
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East Midlands
sorry Sylvia..

I missed this post!!
And he wants detailed answers, times, dates, amounts, interest rates, how much he has , how much i have, until my head is spinning. And then he forgets what I have said and we have repeat performances.

This is just like Eric..except he doesn't follow me round the house..he sits in his chair and shouts the questions..and his voice becomes progressively louder if I don't answer...:(
It's always the same questions regarding money..and he earns it all therefore it is his..and he wants to know how much..and where it is ad infinitum.
I tell him as little as possible now..and say anything to shut him up. As you say..if you go into detail it's forgotten and you have to start again...it is frustrating...
My latest tack is to say I'm not sure without looking..if he wants to find the paperwork for me I'll check...
He always replies he'll look later..and of course never does.
Usually the conversation ends with the question.."But we're alright for money, aren't we?"
So he must be seeking reassurance in his own way....

I do sympathise with you...

Love gigi xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,094
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Kent
This memory loss and trying to make sense of life is so serious.

Last night, we were sitting in the living room, listening to a CD [I thought] and in all sincerity, with no animosity, Dhiren asked where we would be sleeping. The question came from nowhere.

It was as if he thought we only had the one room and he had forgotten the rest of the house.

This morning I was up early and got dressed in the spare room, so I wouldn`t disturb him. I noticed the bed wasn`t as it should be. I turned back the quilt and found three of his best shirts. :confused:

Then I heard him in the hall. He had obviously got up with a start. He was confused, unsteady, trembling, and worried he would be late for work and would not get his parking space.
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
67
East Midlands
The question came from nowhere


It does make you wonder where they are in their minds, doesn't it.

Eric can be watching a film..supposedly..and he'll come out with something like.."What did your name used to be.."
(That's the latest obsession, by the way!) I assume he means before we were married..but I'm not really sure...:eek:

Dhiren seems to get a lot more agitated than Eric..it's not easy for you, Sylvia.

Love gigi xx
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
Dear Sylvia, Dhiren's confusion must be so tiring for both of you.

Just a thought, are his waterworks O.K? Yes, I am thinking Uti.
Always worth checking, even when you least expect it.

Sorry, I know you have enough to be thinking about, but don't know what else to say. Take care now, love n'hugs to you both.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,094
0
Kent
From what others have said Connie, I doubt it`s a UTI. I really don`t feel he is any more agitated or confused than usual, except for a slow decline.
He is eating well, reading the papers, he enjoyed the football with Paul last night and is sleeping well.
He just seems to be in a daze and weakening.

I still need to see our GP about emergency help if I became ill. I haven`t done it yet, since we had the sickness bug last month. It doesn`t help having to phone for an appointment between 8am.and 9am. But when I do get there I will ask.

I don`t know where the days go.
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
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This memory loss and trying to make sense of life is so serious.

Last night, we were sitting in the living room, listening to a CD [I thought] and in all sincerity, with no animosity, Dhiren asked where we would be sleeping. The question came from nowhere.

QUOTE]

Hello Sylvia,
I'm very sorry to read the latest instalment. You must be exhausted. Do you think, perhaps, that the question about the sleeping arrangements might have been because he thought he was on holiday? He had enjoyed the CDs and felt more than usually at ease? My mum sometimes assumes that the home she is in is a hotel where we are staying for a holiday.

Just a thought.
Love Deborah xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,094
0
Kent
Thank you Deborah. :)

I am not nearly as exhausted as people seem to think. I feel I have grown into the role. I can only compare it with feeling sympathy for mothers caring for 5 children. They say they don`t all come at once. :)

When Dhiren is confrontational, then I find it exhausting, exasperating and very frustrating.
When he is OK with me, I can only feel sympathy and sadness.

My relaxation and `me time` is on TP.
 

helen.tomlinson

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
541
0
Hello Sylvia

I am not nearly as exhausted as people seem to think. I feel I have grown into the role

I can identify with what you say Sylvia. When I say how it is sometimes because I am exasperated, upset or worried then other people can seem to think it's taking more of a toll than it really is. It is because I do cope very well, and you do too, that I thought I was in denial but really it's because we stretch ourselves to deal with the changing situation(s).

I think I do well because Alan is still so capable of other things although these are becoming more limited by the day. I've now noticed a change when we are shopping. I am not nearly as tired and depressed as people sometimes think I ought to be under the circumstances! Perhaps that time will come but until then ................:)

Love Helen
 

jude1950

Registered User
Mar 23, 2006
182
0
Lincolnshire
Hi Sylvia
Just to say you have all my sympathy on the finance front Jim was constantly asking about bank accounts and money I'm afraid like you I used to argue back with him too, what is the other alternative? agree that I was spending all his money agree that he paid for everything when the truth was I had my own income and have always
paid my share of the household expenses and bought my own clothes. Jim was always mean with money and if I didn't pay we would not have had the lifestyle we did. No amount of distraction would take him away from the subject. Now even in his much deteriorated condition in the Nursing home he can hardly string a coherant sentence together but still asks "how much have I got in the Bank!! ":eek:
Take care
Judith
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,094
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Kent
Thank you Helen. :)

It is not just a day by day situation, sometimes it is hour by hour.

I shop on-line. :(

Love xx
 

lesmisralbles

Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
5,543
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Ron has no concept of money

Hi All
As long as Ron has a few notes in his wallet, he is happy. I deal with all the financial going's on.
Do not get me wrong, if he won a million on the lottery, I recon he would understand that. But, a million pound's - well he would think it sound's good, but would not understad the amount. (if you understand?)
This morning, Ron kept going on about his lenses would not fit.
He meant TEETH. I pointed this out to him, and he said silly Bu--er,meaning him.
I was so on a high yesterday with Ron's MM whatever score.
Someone pointed out to me, it is only as good as the way that person feel's that day.
Holiday, well, not looking good at this stage.
It is a day to day thing.
But can I cope day to day on holiday?
Or, will I be more stressed, in case of pee pee bed etc?
In a turmoil.
And Mum goes away tomorrow with my brother and SIL their new life in Malta. She will be back in a few week's, I will miss her.
BarbX
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,094
0
Kent
This evening.............6.30pm.
D `This is Manchester isn`t it?`
S `It`s Broadstairs.`
D `How far is Manchester?`
S `300 miles.`
D `It`s too far.`
S `Yes it is.`
D `We`ve no car now. How can I get there. I will get a bus.`
S `We can go on the train.`
D `That`s a good idea. It won`t be as far on the train.`

Then.......
D `How long have we been here?`
S `Five years.`
D `How did I get here?`
S `Paul brought us.`
D `Who`s came?`
S `The two of us. You and me.`
D `Did you come too?`
S `We came together.`
D `Something is happening to my brain. I can`t think properly. What is wrong with me?`
S `You always get mixed up at this time. Don`t worry. Just try to relax. It will be better by eight o`clock.`
D `How do you know?`
S `Because it happens every night at the same time.`
D `Does it?`

Then.........
D `I will go now and get it over with.`
S `Don`t go now, it`s late. Go tomorrow and I will go with you.`
D `No you must stay here or they will take the house. You can`t leave the house empty. It isn`t safe.`
S `I don`t want you to go by yourself. I want to go with you.
D `No. This is something I have to do myself. I have to tell them.`
S `Why don`t you write a letter.`
D `No I can`t do that. It`s not fair. I must tell them face to face.`
S `All right, but do it tomorrow.`

Then.........
D `I`m not going tomorrow. I will go in one or two weeks. I have decided.`
S `Thank goodness for that.`
D `I will never let you down.`
S `I hope not.`
D `I can`t leave you and Paul. Don`t worry. I`m all right now.`

And he is.
 
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lesmisralbles

Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
5,543
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Silvia

I know, I have not posted all the thing's Ron does and has said.
But it goes along the same lines some day's.
I feel for you both, as I feel for Ron and I.
BarbX
PS
I want to scream:mad:
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,094
0
Kent
This morning...........
D `I will have to go.`
S `You do whatever you feel is best for you.`
D `I`m a burden.`
S `You are not a burden to me. I would be happier if you stay here.`
D `Thank you.`
S `Don`t thank me. I`m not a stranger, I`m your wife.`
D `Are you? I didn`t know.`
S `I am your wife and I would worry about you if you went away. I want to look after you.`
D `I haven`t got any money.`
S `We have no money worries.`
D `Where do I get my money from?`
S `From your pension.`
D `Is it enough to keep me?`
S `More than enough.`
D `I don`t want to go, but I think I am a burden to you. I am spoiling your life.`
S `You are not spoiling my life. You are not well and I want to look after you. I want you to stay here with me.`
D `I wasnt to stay here. But I don`t want to be a burden.`
S `I`m telling you you are not a burden. I am the best person to look after you.`
D `Thank you.`

Then, after a long silence....
S `Are you all right?`
D `I am mentally disturbed.`
 
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