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A life in the day of.........................

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Grannie G, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. germain

    germain Registered User

    Jul 7, 2007
    342
    Hi Sylvia

    If I hadn't read your posts all the way thro' I would have said that Dhiren's response was a very silly but clever play on words.
    Is he still capable of teasing you ?


    regards
    Germain
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,567
    Kent
    Oh no, Germain, he was deadly serious and very anxious. He was looking for me but didn`t see me.
    He was never a tease.
     
  3. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    this is why I didnt tell mum I was her daughter the first time she had no clue who I was...but she was in a NH by then, I just couldnt bear to see her reaction had I told her that this woman standing in front of her that she thought was a nurse or carer(perhaps?) was in fact the daughter she was talking about. by that time it had been about 1 1/2 years since she had spoken my name.
    well of course, I was devastated, but I could have reminded her as to who I was, and she may have realised, and been upset, or she may have not understood.
    either way, mum loses. no good outcome for her.
    and either way I lose too. So I didnt try and make her realise that it was ME.
    what would have been the purpose, to make me feel better?
    But of course, our circumstances are totally different.
    parent/child....sibling/sibling...spouse/spouse
    all difficult, and some more painful than others
    Jo
    me having my usual vent, ...
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,567
    Kent
    Well Jo,
    In our case I told him for reassurance, as he was looking for me.
     
  5. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    yes, as I said, different circumstances, my mum wasnt looking for me, she knew she had a daughter,just didnt know I was her daughter.
    he was looking for you and you showed him where you are.
    Hugs
    Jo
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,567
    Kent
    Yesterday, Paul was coming for lunch. I was making Paella......a special request. Then they were going to watch the football.

    But I pressed the wrong button on our remote, and couldn`t get Sky on our new TV. So Paul and Dhiren had lunch and then went to Paul`s house to watch the football.

    Yesterday evenig.........
    S `Did you enjoy the football on Paul`s big screen television?`
    D `We didn`t watch football, we just talked.`
    S `Oh!`
    then....
    D `When are you making paella for Paul?`
     
  7. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,108
    Toronto, Canada
    Because it's very hard to notice these things when living it 24/7. Don't be so hard on yourself.

    Love,
     
  8. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Gosh Sylvia .... your post struck ME like a bolt ..... You may feel naive but I feel dumb!!!!! Zonkjonk ....the repeated 'stock phrases' which have been going on for literally YEARS .... :( I used to think it was just irritating (like people get into saying things out of pure habit) - now I feel I've missed yet another early clue and certainly not something I have ever reported to medics - could it affect/have affected her diagnosis? But then would it really make much difference? :(

    Karen, x
     
  9. Short girl

    Short girl Registered User

    Mar 22, 2008
    60
    Interesting the comments about Dementia suffers not liking computers, but I suppose that goes for all new technology - perhaps they see it as a threat? Having said that my father in law in 64 going on 90 odd and is a complete technophoeb, there's a complete unwillingness to embrace it, took us ages to persuade him to get a mobile phone and even now he rarely uses it. Trying to get him to do basic computer course for the beginner by saying that his grandson would be impressed if he did! Still he has booked swimming lessons when he retires - he doesn't have dementia he's just stuck in the mud. Dementia can eccentuate people's ways and habits - noticed it with Nan
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,567
    Kent
    To the Relative`s Support Group today........alone.

    I spoke to the OT who is coming on Monday to discuss where to place grab rails by our new bath. She knows Dhiren from the memory Clinic.

    Dhiren will be perfectly happy to discuss his physical difficulties with her.

    Once she has been welcomed into the home, steps will be taken to bring in a different CPN, one with a bit more tact and diplomacy than the first one.

    And then there is talk of another carer`s assessment, possibly a care package, perhaps a care manager...........I have been encouraged so much this morning, eveyone is really trying to understand and I am grateful.
     
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Well done, Sylvia.

    That sounds much more positive. People have actually listened and understood the problem, and are prepared to try to work round it.

    Let's hope you get that package soon.

    Love,
     
  12. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,108
    Toronto, Canada
    Sylvia,
    If the carers understand that they have to act in terms of Dhiren's physical disabilities, that will be so much easier for you. Since you have a bad back also, can't you use that as an excuse also? Surely the carers must understand that with AD, we must often skirt the truth. Your back is real, not a lie, so in a roundabout way they are there for you too, since the stress cannot be helping your back.
    Love,
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,567
    Kent
    Thank you Hazel and Joanne.

    Joanne, I had forgotten about my back....I only remember when I bend. Thank you for reminding me. :)

    Some things are done by force of habit. When I help Dhiren with his socks, I always get a chair and sit down to do it, otherwise I`m in trouble. It is second nature now and I forget it`s worth a mention.
     
  14. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Good to hear Sylvia. Glad you had a good morning. Hope Monday will be as productive. Take care now.
     
  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,567
    Kent
    He has been tired all day, napping by the fire, cold....needing the heating on, depressed, being fed up of feeling this way. He asked to see the doctor, has taken no interest in anything, from getting up this morning until just now.

    He made me a cup of tea.
    S `Look at you, you look so much better. You feel better now don`t you?`
    D `I`m all right now.`
    S `This is the first time today, I`ve seen a smile on your face. I thought you were going to miss the match tonight, the way you were. And now you`re smiling. What a pleasure.`
    D `Would you like to go to Manchester one day?`
    S `Of course I would. When shall we go?`
    D `You decide.`
    S `You will have to be well first. The last time we went to Manchester you ran away from me and were lost for 4 hours. I had to get the police to help me find you.`
    D `I don`t remember that. I should never run away from you. It`s cruel.`
    S `Well you did and it was very worrying.`
    D `It won`t happen again. We`ll just go shopping and then come home.`
    S `What would you like to buy?`
    D `Some Indian sweets.`
    S `IT`s a long journey just to buy sweets, six hours on the train.`
    D `Six hours there and back?`
    S `No. Six hours there and another six hours back.`
    D `It too much. We`ll leave it then.`
    S `It`s all right, we`ll stay overnight. We`ll go, buy the sweets, stay in a hotel overnight and come home the next day.`
    D `I`d like that.`
    ......and now he`s bringing the washing in.
     
  16. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Sylvia, just a thought, but do any of the towns round about have an Indian supermarket? Dhiren might enjoy having a browse.

    I know my Indian DIL, who lives in Harrow, goes to one, but I think it's maybe in London. I could ask her, if you think it's a good idea.
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,567
    Kent
    Thanks Hazel.

    I think it would be worth a trip to London, just to try. If your DIL knows of anywhere I would be grateful.

    I do think he`s thinking of Cheetham Hill and Wilmslow Road though, in Manchester. London would also be strange. But certainly a good second best. :)

    Would you pine for haggis if you left Scotland? ;)
     
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Don't think so, I'd just join a Scots' Society, as I did in Scunthorpe!:) (We get all over, you know!):eek:

    I've sent an email to Hema, hopefully she'll reply soon.

    Love,
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,567
    Kent
    It`s definitely sundowning.

    I`ve been trying to distract him, by talking to him about our scruffy next door neighbour whose uncontrollable weeds are spreading into all his neighbour`s gardens. Dhiren responded with another query about Manchester.

    I asked him if we should go to find some Indian shops in London, because it`s nearer, and he said he likes Manchester.

    But if you do hear from Hema, Hazel, I`d still like to know. The shops might do Mail Order.
     
  20. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,567
    Kent
    D `Can I get my pension anywhere?`
    S `Yes.`
    D `I`ve got to get away from here. I`ve got to go.`
    S `When you have an address, I will help you change your pension.`
    D `OH. An address? My brother has a shop, but i don`t know the address.`
    S `I will help you to find it then write to the pensions office.`
    D `I can`t wait for that. I`ll put a few things in a suitcase and go. I`ve got my pink card. No-one can refuse me my pension with this card. I`ve got my driving licence. I can go anywhere. I can`t stay here. I am going mental here. I can`t sleep at night. I have to get away. This place is driving me mad.`
    S `If you just wait till it`s warmer, I will come with you.`
    D `Do you mean it?`
    S `Of course. But it`s too cold.`
    D `Where do you come from?`
    S `Manchester.`
    D `You too? I didn`t know that. What part?`
    S `Manchester.`
    D `Manchester is a big place. Which part of Manchester?`
    S `Prestwich.`
    D `I know Prestwich. I used to go to the market there. My brother has a shop there.`
     
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