A life in the day of.........................

[Grannie G]

Thank you Cliff and Blue sea,
The taxi`s booked.
Love xx

 

[connie]

Sylvia, did you manage the meeting today. Do you need to 'talk'.
Still have my fingers crossed.

 

[Grannie G]

Memory Clinic ..Week 2

To the clinic without problems.

We met outside afterwards.
S` How was it?`
D `B****y awful. I`m not bonkers, they treat you as if you`re bonkers. I`m a grown man, I don`t need to be told where to put the toilet roll.`
S `What do you mean?`
D `This woman kept telling us what to do. I don`t need to be told what to do. I know what to do. I`m not bonkers.`
S `What did she say?`
D `She said if you go to the toilet and there`s no toilet roll holder, put the toilet roll on the floor. Who needs to be told that. `
S, burst out laughing.
D `It`s not funny. If you think it`s funny, you can go next week, but you can go by yourself. I`m not going any more.`

When we got home, I looked at the handouts. They were perfectly acceptable; Practical Strategies and Everyday Tips. I read both through. No mention anywhere of toilet rolls.

So I will keep quiet about the Memory Clinic until next week, and by then, hopefully, all this talk of toilet rolls will have been forgotten.

PS. I asked about the lady with the picnic. He didn`t know what I was talking about. But he needed to give me an answer, so he told me there were no picnics because the woman in charge was in a hurry to get rid of them all so she could have her lunch.

 

[Skye]

Glad you both got to your meetings OK. I'll try to remember where to put the toilet roll!

Sorry there was no picnic, though, it's such lovely weather for it.

How was your meeting?

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Mine was good thanks, Hazel. A discussion about memory loss, different types of dementia, things we know but it`s still good to hear the reactions of other carers.

I knew a lot more about different types of dementia than others, and one lady whose husband is in the later stages, still doesn`t know what type he really has, as she didn`t understand what the consultant said. Isn`t that awful.

It shows how much we all learn from TP.

Next week we are having someone from the AS, an ex-carer.

 

[Skye]

, and one lady whose husband is in the later stages, still doesn`t know what type he really has, as she didn`t understand what the consultant said. Isn`t that awful.

Yes it is awful. So many of these consultants think they're demi-gods, they don't think we matter at all. Like the one who invaded protected lunch time, and kept me kicking my heels outside for half an hour while John's lunch went cold, when he was at the meeting where we discussed protected mealtimes, and he thought it was a wonderful idea! There's even a big sign at the entrance to the ward!

I'm glad you enjoyed it, though, and hope Dhiren will have forgotten toilet rolls soon!

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Opinions Please...........

As a result of information from Hazel, and at a time when Dhiren was going through a particularly stroppy and uncooperative phase, I enrolled with U3A for classes which are about to start this month.

Dhiren doesn`t yet know about these classes, but has begun to be afraid when I`m out. He has asked if he can come with me wherever I go, and said he will wait outside, anything rather than be alone in the house.

There is no way he will yet accept a carer other than me. His confidence and self esteem are zero.

Even last night, when we were invited to our son`s for dinner, he would have given anything not to go. The only reason he went was not to hurt Paul. But he hardly opened his mouth, and when he did speak, because of his slow processing, it was about a topic of converstaion that had finished, and no-one knew what he was talking about.

So I am considering putting the U3A classes on hold, until the time whn he might accept a carer. This is also because he has begun to come to the support group with me and has promised to attend the AS support group when we complete this course.

Given the choice, I prefer to go out with him, than leave him with someone else and go out alone. I have no idea how much time we have left to go out together, so want to make the most of it.

 

[Skye]

I think that's so wise, Sylvia. Dhiren's gradually coming to terms with his problems, and co-operating with you by going to his meetings. But he's still very unsure, and doesn't like to be away from you. (That's actually progress, because it might mean that his days of wandering off alone are coming to an end).

It makes sense to let him progress at his own pace, and not frighten him off altogether.

Love,

 

[connie]

Dear Sylvia, you say

So I am considering putting the U3A classes on hold, until the time whn he might accept a carer.

and ask "opinions please" , well for my money you are doing the right thing.
You say yourself that you do not know how much more time you have left to go out with each other.

Dhiren has made such a breakthrough in accepting you going to your Monday group meeting (long may that continue).

Anyway I think you have answered yourself

prefer to go out with him, than leave him with someone else and go out alone.

and whilst I am all for being able to have a part of life for oneself I think your U3A will still be there for you, maybe at a time when you really need it. (Hope I make sense)

Love n'hugs

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you Connie,

I don`t know why but I`m gad you agree. It`s just so many people saying I should have some me time, that makes me doubt my own decisions.

And it hasn`t gone unnoticed that you are now doing multiple quotes.

Love xx

 

[Cliff]

Dear Sylvia, couldn't resist sending this...........


Love to you and Dhiren

 

[Skye]

Cliff, I love that cartoon! Where on earth did you find it?

So apposite, too!

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Hazel, glad you can understand how I feel, and Cliff, words fail me. What a shame Dhiren can`t share the joke.

Love xx

 

[jenniferpa]

You know "me" time is all very well, but it only functions as "me" time if you actually get to enjoy it: if you spent that time worrying and fretting I don't really see the benefit. So you do what you feel comfortable with, Sylvia.

Love

Jennifer

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Sylvia, I agree with the "me" time - it's what you want to make of it. But on the other hand,

I have no idea how much time we have left to go out together, so want to make the most of it.

making the most of your time together now is very important.

Love,

 

[blue sea]

I agree with the others, Sylvia. At the moment you are still able to enjoy your time with Dhiren, even though there are some severe frustrations! In a way this is your 'me' time as you are inextricably part of Dhiren and he of you. Sadly, with the natural progression of the illness there may come a time when his world is so separate from yours that you need to embark on strengthening your individual life. You will know when that time comes. He is very needy and 'clingy' now because his ability to understand and cope with even simple events outside the home is reducing. In your company he feels safe. You are doing brilliantly. I'm so pleased for you that Dhiren attended the meeting.
Blue sea

 

[Grannie G]

Dear me!
I think contributers to TP understand more about the dynamics of our life, than our friends and family, apart from our son.
Thank you all, so much.
Love xx

 

[Grannie G]

I `lost` him this evening.

After dinner, his eyes were glazed, his look was blank. He went to bed early, I went into the living room to listen to the radio.

Then he appeared at the living room door, with a packet of cheese in his hand...........

D `Whose cheese is this?`
S `It`s yours.`
D `Are you sure it`s mine? Can I eat it?`
S `Of course it`s yours, you know I never eat cheese.`
D `Don`t you? I didn`t know. Can I have some, I`m starving.`
S `Shall I make you cheese on toast?`
D `Yes please.`

So we went in the kitchen.

D `Whose house is this?`
S `It`s ours.`
D `Who are you?`
S `I`m your wife.`
D `I`m sorry I didn`t know.`
S `Do you know my name?`
D `No, I`m sorry.`
S `It`s Sylvia.` Tears began to flow..........
D `I didn`t know anything. I was frightened to ask about the cheese. I thought someone would shout at me.`
S `Everything in this house is yours. You can have anything that`s here.`
D `I don`t know anything.`
S `Well I`m telling you now. This is your house, I am your wife, and everything is yours.`
D `Did we live in Manchester?`
S `Yes. And now we live here.`
D` How much is the train fare to Manchester?`
S `About £70.`
D `I haven`t got £70.`
S `And you`re not going to Manchester. You have no-one there, your family is here.`
D `That`s true. Who would make me cheese on toast at 11 o`clock at night?`
S `Exactly.`
D `The devil you know is better than the devil you don`t know.`

 

[jenniferpa]

Ah Sylvia, this made me cry. He must be so, so scared not knowing where is is or whether it's OK to do something, and it's not as if there is anyway to get him to understand that where he is is his home on a consistent basis.

Love

 

[Westie]

Oh Sylvia, I was so pleased for you to read about both your successful meetings yesterday and then so sad to reach your last post and Dhiren's confusion.

Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said, but I am thinking of you and hoping today is a good day.

Mary-Ann
x