A life in the day of.........................
- Thread starter Grannie G
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5pm.........
D `How long will we stay here?`
S `We live here. It`s our home.`
D pulling a face, `I can`t stay here. I`ll rot here. I`ve got to go.`
S `That`s fine. But I`m staying.`
D `I promised them I`d go.`
S` Well you don`t want to break a promise.`
D` I`ll go tomorrow, but if I don`t like it, I`ll come back.`
S `I`ll be here.`
Later........
D`It`s a shame have to go. I`ll miss you, you are such good company.`
S` Don`t go tomorrow. It`s Folk Week next week, you`ll miss all the fun.`
D` It`s a good job you told me, I don`t want to miss it. I`ll go next week.`
S `Good.`
Later...........
D` Is your family in Manchester?`
S`My family is here. I`ve no family in Manchester.`
D` Aahh! `
Later............
D handing me a scrap of paper, `Will you write your phone number on here. I don`t want to lose touch.`
S `When you go, I`ll buy you a new notebook and put all the addresses and phone numbers in for you.`
D`Thanks. But I`m not going yet. I don`t want to miss Folk Week. I`m glad you told me.`
D `How long will we stay here?`
S `We live here. It`s our home.`
D pulling a face, `I can`t stay here. I`ll rot here. I`ve got to go.`
S `That`s fine. But I`m staying.`
D `I promised them I`d go.`
S` Well you don`t want to break a promise.`
D` I`ll go tomorrow, but if I don`t like it, I`ll come back.`
S `I`ll be here.`
Later........
D`It`s a shame have to go. I`ll miss you, you are such good company.`
S` Don`t go tomorrow. It`s Folk Week next week, you`ll miss all the fun.`
D` It`s a good job you told me, I don`t want to miss it. I`ll go next week.`
S `Good.`
Later...........
D` Is your family in Manchester?`
S`My family is here. I`ve no family in Manchester.`
D` Aahh! `
Later............
D handing me a scrap of paper, `Will you write your phone number on here. I don`t want to lose touch.`
S `When you go, I`ll buy you a new notebook and put all the addresses and phone numbers in for you.`
D`Thanks. But I`m not going yet. I don`t want to miss Folk Week. I`m glad you told me.`
Hi Sylvia
yes, really well done.
Do keep describing these conversations, the more the better. They demonstrate, more than anything else that can be described, one of the major challenges of caring dor someone who has dementia.
They also describe most eloquently, your love for Dhiren.
yes, really well done.
Do keep describing these conversations, the more the better. They demonstrate, more than anything else that can be described, one of the major challenges of caring dor someone who has dementia.
They also describe most eloquently, your love for Dhiren.
Oh Sylvia that post as always was beautiful - it makes me feel sad and yet it reaches those innermost thoughts and feelings when dealing with dementia.
In some way you highlight the challenges we face - God bless you.
Love Jan
In some way you highlight the challenges we face - God bless you.
Love Jan
This morning...................while dressing,
D `What is this coin?`
S `It`s £2.`
D `I can`t see the number.`
S `Neither can I. I`ll get a magnifying glass. There is no number, it is written in words round the edge.`
D [Looking through magnifyer] `I can see it now, Two Pounds. And this one?`
S `£1`
D [looking at smaller coins]`And these are rubbish.`
Perhaps that explains why the gas fitter found small coins in the old gas fire when he took it out, `rubbish`.
Continued to dress...................stopped dressing
D` Is this half a crown?`
S` No, it`s a £2 coin.`
D` I can`t see the number.`
S `There`s no number, it`s written in words round the edge.`
D `I can`t see it.`
S `Here`s the magnifying glass.`
D `I can see it now, Two pounds.`
D `What is this coin?`
S `It`s £2.`
D `I can`t see the number.`
S `Neither can I. I`ll get a magnifying glass. There is no number, it is written in words round the edge.`
D [Looking through magnifyer] `I can see it now, Two Pounds. And this one?`
S `£1`
D [looking at smaller coins]`And these are rubbish.`
Perhaps that explains why the gas fitter found small coins in the old gas fire when he took it out, `rubbish`.
Continued to dress...................stopped dressing
D` Is this half a crown?`
S` No, it`s a £2 coin.`
D` I can`t see the number.`
S `There`s no number, it`s written in words round the edge.`
D `I can`t see it.`
S `Here`s the magnifying glass.`
D `I can see it now, Two pounds.`
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Hello Sylvia:
Sometimes our conversations are a bit like that - often David asks where is Dad is, then 'so where is my mother?' - both were born in 1898! Then he goes into Aunt this and Uncle that all in the generation above us.
When we go for rides out which are regular now, it is 'I have never seen so many sheep' or what are those birds (usually ducks). Sometimes conversations would be very funny if they were not so sad.
The gas fitter must have thought he had found treasure. Has the newly fitted fire solved the problem of 'rubbish' throwing?
Best wishes Jan
Sometimes our conversations are a bit like that - often David asks where is Dad is, then 'so where is my mother?' - both were born in 1898! Then he goes into Aunt this and Uncle that all in the generation above us.
When we go for rides out which are regular now, it is 'I have never seen so many sheep' or what are those birds (usually ducks). Sometimes conversations would be very funny if they were not so sad.
The gas fitter must have thought he had found treasure. Has the newly fitted fire solved the problem of 'rubbish' throwing?
Best wishes Jan
Hello Jan.
As far as the gas fire goes, so far so good, but as it has been so warm, it hasn`t been used yet.
We went down for Folk Week at lunchtime. Had a lovely time, lunch out to start with and then to the Bandstand to watch Clog and Morris dancing.
I couldn`t drag Dhiren away, he loved it.
At 3.30pm. I said we should go, and as we made our way to the bus stop, because he was very tired and we`d overstayed, he said he`d never come again and he still hates it here.
Now we are home, he`s asked for his driving licence. He`s going to save up for a second hand car and then get a little job.
He has to get away from here.
It`s only 5pm.
Love xx
As far as the gas fire goes, so far so good, but as it has been so warm, it hasn`t been used yet.
We went down for Folk Week at lunchtime. Had a lovely time, lunch out to start with and then to the Bandstand to watch Clog and Morris dancing.
I couldn`t drag Dhiren away, he loved it.
At 3.30pm. I said we should go, and as we made our way to the bus stop, because he was very tired and we`d overstayed, he said he`d never come again and he still hates it here.
Now we are home, he`s asked for his driving licence. He`s going to save up for a second hand car and then get a little job.
He has to get away from here.
It`s only 5pm.
Love xx
I wonder if its all to do with something to think about , I just say that because my mother use to do that always thinking of something to do for the next day , next mouth . I know its stressful for us .
If my mother mobility was good she be planing in her mind how to get to blackpool , gibraltar , she be on a bus going nowhere fast
My Dad is always thinking of things to do which in a way is a good thing.
On Monday he told my Mum that he needed to 'go and see that man to see if he can make things better'. Mum: "The doctor?". Dad "NO NOT THE DOCTOR!"
My Mum had no idea what he was talking about and suggested he take the dog for a walk. So he did.... for 3 and a half miles to a golf club where they give golf lessons as he was having trouble with his drive. Yes this was the man who could make things better! My mum was driving home 3 hours later and found him on his way back from his 7 mile round trip. At least she had no trouble either from him or the dog that night.
It was only when my Mum found the appointment for the lesson on Wednesday that she realised where he'd been.
So I took him for his lesson on Wednesday and we were told it was £20 and he triumphantly put down a £2 coin. Not a good start... I paid with my switch card and told him we could sort it out later.
We arrived at the driving range and the instructor gave him a 7 iron maybe, sorry golf not my thing, and he swung at the ball hitting it 150 yards at which point the instructor said 'sorry, why do you think you need lessons?'
I said I thought it was his drive he was struggling with and with a wood (?) he did have more difficulty as he was coming down more on top of the ball.... or something.
After half an hour of hitting golf balls he had quite a sweat on, but didn't do too bad for an 82 year old.
On the way home in the car he thanked me profusely for taking him and asked me what did I want for Christmas?
On Monday he told my Mum that he needed to 'go and see that man to see if he can make things better'. Mum: "The doctor?". Dad "NO NOT THE DOCTOR!"
My Mum had no idea what he was talking about and suggested he take the dog for a walk. So he did.... for 3 and a half miles to a golf club where they give golf lessons as he was having trouble with his drive.
Yes this was the man who could make things better! My mum was driving home 3 hours later and found him on his way back from his 7 mile round trip. At least she had no trouble either from him or the dog that night.It was only when my Mum found the appointment for the lesson on Wednesday that she realised where he'd been.
So I took him for his lesson on Wednesday and we were told it was £20 and he triumphantly put down a £2 coin. Not a good start... I paid with my switch card and told him we could sort it out later.
We arrived at the driving range and the instructor gave him a 7 iron
maybe, sorry golf not my thing, and he swung at the ball hitting it 150 yards at which point the instructor said 'sorry, why do you think you need lessons?' I said I thought it was his drive he was struggling with and with a wood (?) he did have more difficulty as he was coming down more on top of the ball.... or something.
After half an hour of hitting golf balls he had quite a sweat on, but didn't do too bad for an 82 year old.
On the way home in the car he thanked me profusely for taking him and asked me what did I want for Christmas?
Sylvia:
'Driving Licence' - David voluntarily gave his up some 3 yrs ago - but he so misses driving (he was excellent with built in navigation skills). Now he says 'shall I retake my test?' Yes if you like, I say, but you need to pass the computer bit first - oh perhaps it is not worth it then, he says.
Glad you had a good day at the 'Folk Week'
Margarita: if you are in London it would be a really hard test (guess I would not like to drive now in the City). But, given your guts, I guess you could do it.
Sue: I am a golfer - perhaps your Dad and me should have lessons together! I think he sounds wonderful to do what he is doing, given his age and diagnosis. (you must have the patience of Job - so what do you want for Christmas????
Best wishes all Beckyjan
'Driving Licence' - David voluntarily gave his up some 3 yrs ago - but he so misses driving (he was excellent with built in navigation skills). Now he says 'shall I retake my test?' Yes if you like, I say, but you need to pass the computer bit first - oh perhaps it is not worth it then, he says.
Glad you had a good day at the 'Folk Week'
Margarita: if you are in London it would be a really hard test (guess I would not like to drive now in the City). But, given your guts, I guess you could do it.
Sue: I am a golfer - perhaps your Dad and me should have lessons together! I think he sounds wonderful to do what he is doing, given his age and diagnosis. (you must have the patience of Job - so what do you want for Christmas????
Best wishes all Beckyjan
Last evening, at 7p.m., following a pleasant and unchallenging week:
D `Where does my pension go? Is it B*******?`
S `Yes.`
D `Why have I never seen any of it for months and months?`
S `Because we use it to live on.`
D `All my money? What about yours?`
S `We use mine as well.`
D `Who gets it?`
S `I use it to pay Direct Debits and Visa.`
D `Is there any over?`
S `Yes, it`s used for extras.`
D `I can`t afford extras, I`ve got to get away from this place, or I`ll go mad. I`m cutting down on extras, I want to save something every month.`
S `We can`t save this month, we bought a new gas fire.`
D `It`s rubbish, I can`t light it. I want the old one back.`
S `We can`t get the old one back, it`ll cost even more money.`
D `What date do I get my pension?`
S `It`s in your diary, it`s a different date each month.`
D `Where is my diary?`
S `In your drawer.` D looks blank. `I`ll find it for you.`
Find the diary, find some pages have been torn out.
`I`ll have to find you a new diary.`
D `I can`t be bothered with diaries. Just give me my money so I can save up. I`ve got to get out of here, sitting like a zombie every day.`
S `We`ve had a lovely week, going to the Bandstand every day, listening to the music, watching the dancers.`
D `Oh, I forgot.`
He then sat staring into space and I went into the bedroom, to the computer and TP.
He came to find me.
D` Can I stay here for a few months until I save some money?`
S `Of course you can.`
D `Can you afford to buy food for me?`
S `Well I wouldn`t see you go hungry.`
D `I don`t really want to go.`
S `You don`t have to go.`
D-- in floods of tears, `I don`t know what happened to me. I can`t live without you, I know no-one will look after me, this is my home, I want to stay with you, what happens to my brain, I`ve been fine for months and it just comes on me.`
Big hugs, both in tears.
7.20p.m. All over!
But it certainly took it out of me, whilst he was fine after half an hour, with no recollection of the incident.
D `Where does my pension go? Is it B*******?`
S `Yes.`
D `Why have I never seen any of it for months and months?`
S `Because we use it to live on.`
D `All my money? What about yours?`
S `We use mine as well.`
D `Who gets it?`
S `I use it to pay Direct Debits and Visa.`
D `Is there any over?`
S `Yes, it`s used for extras.`
D `I can`t afford extras, I`ve got to get away from this place, or I`ll go mad. I`m cutting down on extras, I want to save something every month.`
S `We can`t save this month, we bought a new gas fire.`
D `It`s rubbish, I can`t light it. I want the old one back.`
S `We can`t get the old one back, it`ll cost even more money.`
D `What date do I get my pension?`
S `It`s in your diary, it`s a different date each month.`
D `Where is my diary?`
S `In your drawer.` D looks blank. `I`ll find it for you.`
Find the diary, find some pages have been torn out.
`I`ll have to find you a new diary.`
D `I can`t be bothered with diaries. Just give me my money so I can save up. I`ve got to get out of here, sitting like a zombie every day.`
S `We`ve had a lovely week, going to the Bandstand every day, listening to the music, watching the dancers.`
D `Oh, I forgot.`
He then sat staring into space and I went into the bedroom, to the computer and TP.
He came to find me.
D` Can I stay here for a few months until I save some money?`
S `Of course you can.`
D `Can you afford to buy food for me?`
S `Well I wouldn`t see you go hungry.`
D `I don`t really want to go.`
S `You don`t have to go.`
D-- in floods of tears, `I don`t know what happened to me. I can`t live without you, I know no-one will look after me, this is my home, I want to stay with you, what happens to my brain, I`ve been fine for months and it just comes on me.`
Big hugs, both in tears.
7.20p.m. All over!
But it certainly took it out of me, whilst he was fine after half an hour, with no recollection of the incident.
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Sylvia, that it so true. I have shut myself in the study. Third bout this morning and it's only noon. Hi noon I guess. Doors banging, walls being thumped, gates rattled.
But what you say is so true. We'll have the tears in an hour, I hope anyway. Then I know Susan will have settled. Susans threatened to set her brother on me. She not seen him for 15 years.
cris
Third bout this morning and it's only noon. Hi noon I guess. Doors banging, walls being thumped, gates rattled. But what you say is so true. We'll have the tears in an hour, I hope anyway. Then I know Susan will have settled. Susans threatened to set her brother on me.
She not seen him for 15 years. cris
Grannie G said:
Oh Sylvia, what a funny poignant episode. Wishing you lots more hugs today and in the future. Love Deborah x
Cris, let's hope Susan doesn't mistake any big burly bouncers for her brother!
What they can do with their brain
Peter had been a smoker from a teenager. When he was diagnoised at 54, he increased and just sat and rolled up so many cigerettes and chain smoked. One night the fire alarm went off. On checking Peter replied it was not me. The armchair had a burn mark on it (his chair). His cigarettes that he rolled where getting thicker and it looked as if he was smoking a joint. (Perhaps if he had he might have been calmer). The Consultant told him he had to try to stop smoking. I told him the cost was doubling in a week and I could not continue with the expense. Low and behold he stopped. When my daughter came round and noticed he was not smoking she was astonished as too the Consultant. What did he use to give up ? My reply the same as my daughter - he forgot he ever smoked. Life is so strange. Christine
Peter had been a smoker from a teenager. When he was diagnoised at 54, he increased and just sat and rolled up so many cigerettes and chain smoked. One night the fire alarm went off. On checking Peter replied it was not me. The armchair had a burn mark on it (his chair). His cigarettes that he rolled where getting thicker and it looked as if he was smoking a joint. (Perhaps if he had he might have been calmer). The Consultant told him he had to try to stop smoking. I told him the cost was doubling in a week and I could not continue with the expense. Low and behold he stopped. When my daughter came round and noticed he was not smoking she was astonished as too the Consultant. What did he use to give up ? My reply the same as my daughter - he forgot he ever smoked. Life is so strange. Christine
Birthdays
It was on my 60th birthday that Peter was diagnoised with Alzheimers. I have bought myself a watch with my birthstones on the straps (amethyst). I will always have a reminder that it was Peter's present (even though he did not get it, my daughters did from him). Each birthday since then I want to shut myself quitely away and forget but my children and grandchildren won't let that happen along comes the present, cake a special meal. Life has to go on but that special partner is not there, so at night alone, thats when I shed my tears, anger and frustration. Christine
Happy birthday to all.
It was on my 60th birthday that Peter was diagnoised with Alzheimers. I have bought myself a watch with my birthstones on the straps (amethyst). I will always have a reminder that it was Peter's present (even though he did not get it, my daughters did from him). Each birthday since then I want to shut myself quitely away and forget but my children and grandchildren won't let that happen along comes the present, cake a special meal. Life has to go on but that special partner is not there, so at night alone, thats when I shed my tears, anger and frustration. Christine
Happy birthday to all.
Sundowning has come a bit early today.
I have been interrogated.
D `Why have I no money from my pension?`
S `You do have money from your pension, it is in your savings account.`
D `When are we leaving here?`
S `We are not leaving here, this is our home.`
D `Do you expect me to stay here all my life?`
S `You can do as you wish but I am staying here.`
D `You are only here because of Paul.`
S `Well he is our son. Who would you ask for help if I were ill?`
D `What`s the point of being here for him, we never see him.`
S` We see him at least once a week.`
And when reasonable answers failed to satisfy, he grew increasingly stroppy, so I told him I was going to sit in the bedroom and would be there when he had calmed down.
His parting shot, `You have no logic.`
I have been interrogated.
D `Why have I no money from my pension?`
S `You do have money from your pension, it is in your savings account.`
D `When are we leaving here?`
S `We are not leaving here, this is our home.`
D `Do you expect me to stay here all my life?`
S `You can do as you wish but I am staying here.`
D `You are only here because of Paul.`
S `Well he is our son. Who would you ask for help if I were ill?`
D `What`s the point of being here for him, we never see him.`
S` We see him at least once a week.`
And when reasonable answers failed to satisfy, he grew increasingly stroppy, so I told him I was going to sit in the bedroom and would be there when he had calmed down.
His parting shot, `You have no logic.`
Hi Sylvia
oh lord, just how you manage, and so well too - though you probably would not agree.
Fortunately with my Jan, the manifestations of the condition were different - lots of sundowning, not so much verbal repetition though. [as far as I now recall - we were around your stage 8-10 years ago... perhaps memory fades, which in itself may provide hope]
Take care of yourself, as well as Dhiren.
oh lord, just how you manage, and so well too - though you probably would not agree.
Fortunately with my Jan, the manifestations of the condition were different - lots of sundowning, not so much verbal repetition though. [as far as I now recall - we were around your stage 8-10 years ago... perhaps memory fades, which in itself may provide hope]
Take care of yourself, as well as Dhiren.
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