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A life in the day of.........................

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Grannie G, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,102
    Kent
    Hello Helen and Gigi.

    Dhiren cannot be `chivvied` out of his depressions. If he feels bad, he feels bad.

    In this frame of mind he thinks I will have a much better life without him; thinks he is holding me back.

    In a better frame of mind he worries I won`t manage after he`s gone.

    He was fine till this morning. I think [hope] he`ll be fine again tomorrow.

    Helen, please don`t let others affect the way you post. Your posts are always valuable and very supportive.

    Love xx
     
  2. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,854
    Wigan, Lancs
    My Dad often says he want to die and the only thing that has ever 'chivvied' him out of it (found out by accident) was when I burst in to tears and told him I needed my Dad. Now I'm not someone who can turn on the tears (that's my sister's speciality;) - sorry hon if you're reading this :p :D), but perhaps listing what you can't do without Dhiren, or wouldn't be the same without him may get through.

    But I agree, once my Dad's in that mind set it's simply a matter of waiting for it to pass.
     
  3. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Hi Sylvia

    I can understand this especially doing what I do for a living. I would say, and I'm sure you will agree, that Dhiren isn't going through some feeling that is inappropriate to the circumstances - he is feeling depressed with good reason. It is just such a pity that he cannot accept some outside help with the depression. It is often difficult, in the best of circumstances, to talk about things with someone so closely affected.

    Anyway Sylvia I send a big hug and my warmest wishes

    Love
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,102
    Kent
    Thank you ladies. :)

    Whilst you were all showing concern he has slowly come out of it. He feels better and `will be back to normal tomorrow`.

    He was very worried I would think he is lazy, sitting by the fire all day.
    He worried he wasn`t out working, so I`m not sure what age he thinks he is.

    He asked how many days he has been like this and was surprised it was only today.
     
  5. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    777
    North Wales
    Dear Sylvia,

    This dreadful disease causes so many up and downs - and especially for you and Dhiren.

    Fingers crossed for tomorrow,

    Love to you both,
     
  6. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    Hope things are better tomorrow
    sending big hugs x
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,102
    Kent
    Thank you heartbroken. :)
    We none of us know what tomorrow will bring. That`s the hardest part.
    Love xx
     
  8. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Fingers crossed for a 'good day' and evening for you both.

    Love'n hugs
     
  9. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    I wonder how many of us have heard the terrible 'I wish I could die' cry? It is gut wrenching and hearbreaking and very hard to cope with. One thing which I cling onto is the sea saw nature of the illness in that these terrible insights pass and the mood changes. I am so thankful for the good times and endure the bad times, just as my poor husband has to do. My greatest fear is that I will die first and leave him alone. I can't bear the thought!

    My love to you Sylvia - we can only keep plodding along, one foot in front of the other.
    xxTinaT
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,102
    Kent
    Win some, lose some......................

    I went to the hairdresser this morning and left Dhiren at home. He had gone to sleep in the chair directly after breakfast and was still sleeping at 11.15am. when I had to nudge him awake to check it was all right for me to go.
    When I returned he remembered to tell me I had had a phone call and even told me the name of the caller, someone he didn`t know.
    He seldom answers the phone but today he did.
    He has only remembered to pass on a message a couple of times, but today he did.
    I was delighted.


    This evening Paul came to watch football with him. He hasn`t seen him for over two weeks as he has been working for a meeting. He was shocked and upset at the change. He said `Poor dad. He is an old, old man.`
    The minute he left, Dhiren was in his pyjamas and in bed, so glad to see him go.

    And for the last few days the papers have been untouched.
     
  11. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Oh Sylvia, I am sure that people who have no knowledge of dementia would almost think we exagerate.

    Such a difference from morn till evening.

    Treasure the good moments - pages in the memory book.
     
  12. Snafu

    Snafu Registered User

    Oct 2, 2008
    5
    Inspiration

    Hello Granny G,

    I hope you don't mind a newbie posting a reply to you :eek: but I have to say, when I began to browse this site, your thread had me hooked, and I decided to register. My dear old mum is one thing, but a full time spouse is quite another. The train tickets business was so endearing, although maybe not to you... Bright blessings to you and Dhiren,my thoughts are with you.

    Snafu x:)
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,102
    Kent
    Thank you Snafu

    Welcome to Talking Point.:)
    love xx
     
  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,102
    Kent
    We have had a couple of quite peaceful days; the same confusion but very manageable sundowning, and the depression seems to have lifted.

    But we`ve been nowhere and had no visitors, with the exception of Paul on Tuesday for the football.

    I have just received a phone call to ask if the consultant could make a home visit on Monday afternoon. :)
     
  15. daddave

    daddave Registered User

    Oct 1, 2008
    20
    leicester
    Hi Sylvia since December when i first tried to join i have been wanting to post to you. I have read all of your updates. I would like to say i think you are a wonderful person who seems to care very deeply about your husband. That wasnt the case with my mum unfortunately, being an only child there was only really me to visit when he was on the ward, she hardly ever went. I went there twice a day and some of the sights i saw were very disturbing along with the drastic decline of my dad. I have got some comfort from realising i am not alone.

    I hope i havent offended you or anyone as i know from what i have read sometimes things can be taken out of context.

    best wishes
    Sam X
     
  16. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Dear Sylvia

    This is good news that the past few days have been peaceful and manageable. I'll be thinking of you especially on Monday and hope that it is of benefit in some way to you both.


    Dear Sam,

    Welcome to Talking Point. I agree, Sylvia is a wonderfully caring woman. I hope you find Talking Point supportive.

    Love
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,102
    Kent
    Hello Sam

    What a shame you were unable to post on TP before you lost your father. We would have been able to offer a little more support.

    I`m really sorry you have had such a bad time. Please don`t be too hard on your mother. I know no details of your parents` lives but sometimes living with dementia could break the spirit of the strongest person as it asks so much from the carer.

    Take care xx
     
  18. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    6,847
    Hi Sylvia,

    I'm glad you've had some peaceful days lately and the depression has been lessened.

    Have you ever discussed the possibility of Ebixa with Dhiren's consultant?

    I remember you saying that Dhiren had a very bad reaction to Aricept, but Ebixa operates on an entirely different biochemical pathway so may not produce that same effects at all.

    After the NICE guidelines, Ebixa was restricted on NHS prescriptions but consultants can still exercise their own clinical judgement. Tha fact that Dhiren reacted so badly to the only other approved drug treatment could be a good reason for justifying the need for Ebixa.

    The latest factsheet is here:

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/407

    Paul has a background in pharmacology doesn't he? Perhaps he could help you make the case for a trial?

    Take care,

    Sandy
     
  19. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,854
    Wigan, Lancs
    That's good to hear. :) We are hoping that those kind of days are not too far around the corner for us.

    My Dad too has an appointment with the consultant next week, so on my list of things to do this weekend is to write a letter for the consultant and ask about medication for my dad. He is experiencing agitation but also like Dhiren these real 'downers'.

    I was wondering about getting his sugar level tested (he has not been diagnosed with diabetes) but his spirits do seem to lift after a meal. Then last night it started after his meal- so that's that theory out of the window, but I may ask anyway.

    I also noticed his breathing sounded a bit wheezy so may look at getting his chest checked as well. This list is getting longer...

    Oh and he wants me to check his electric golf trolley is working this weekend as he wants to give it to my mum... who has never played golf in her life and at 78 is not about to start...

    I hope you have a productive meeting with the consultant and Dhiren copes with it well.
     
  20. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,102
    Kent
    Thank you Sandy and Sue

    Dear Sandy.

    I asked about Ebixa last year but the consultant was wary because of the severity of the side effects of Aricept and Reminyl.
    He said if Dhiren had had nausea or headaches as side effects he would have been prepared to try it. But because he had such dramatic hallucinations he was concerned he would have more of the same.

    Paul did agree we didn`t want to go down that road again.



    Dear Sue.
    It can work either way, or it does with Dhiren. He can be boosted up or dragged down after food. The boost is the carbohydrate `fix` and the downer is the effort of digesting a large meal, or so I`ve been told.
    You have nothing to lose asking for a blood glucose test.
     
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