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A life in the day of.........................

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Grannie G, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Sylvia..

    That must be soul-destroying in the early hours....it's bad enough when you're properly awake.

    I wonder if Dhiren has dreams and they wake him up?

    Hope you have a more restful day!!!

    love gigi xx
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Sylvia. sending you a hug. Wish I could do more.

    hugs.gif

    Take care now.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    At the Bandstand

    Another beautiful Sunday afternoon and we went to the bandstand to listen to the Kent Coastal Concert Band.

    The music was lovely, medleys from musicals, James Bond, Frank Sinatra....the audience was appreciative, it couldn`t have been better.

    Dhiren enjoyed it too but he was distracted at times, and asked;

    if the conductor was professional
    how much he would be paid
    how he got his shoes to look so shiny
    how many musicians were in the band
    where all the seagulls had gone
    what did the band do in the winter
    how long was the season
    did the musicians work
    what time it would finish
    would there be another band tomorrow
    what were we having for dinner

    and I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of sadness.
     
  4. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    Dear Sylvia, Its like Dhiren trying to find the right pieces to a very large jigsaw in his head, got all the bits, but not understanding why the blue bit of a jigsaw piece doesn't fit into a white cloud in the sky, so frustrating. Jan.
     
  5. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Dear Sylvia

    I appreciative that it's not possible to put all your conversations on TP, but what you have shared with us here sounds much less - what word do i want? - argumentative maybe?
    Although in the wee small hours it must be very hard to take, especially if you are on tenterhooks wondering if it's going to take a turn for the worse. But when you mentioned the Day Centre, he didn't 'bite'.

    Fingers crossed

    Love xoxox
     
  6. Christinec

    Christinec Registered User

    Aug 8, 2007
    214
    Hi,
    I hate this illness and the ignorance of people who do not realise what it is like. A close friend suprised me this week by her complete lack of knowledge despite her knowing several people who deal with Alzheimers.

    You posts portray so well the reality.

    Reading the experience of day care which echoes experiences in my family I really wonder why we think day care will work for people with alzheimers who it seems to me mostly hate everything new. Perhaps the government should realise that Alzheimer's carers need a different type of respite even if it costs more but I really, really hope daycare starts to work for you and Diren I know it does work for some people.

    You do so much - please remember you are only human.
    Best wishes
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    Such a clever way of looking at it. Thank you Jan.:)

    Dear Lynne,
    You are right, Dhiren is less confrontational than he was. I think it`s because he is further down the line, has a new antidepressant that contains a stronger sedative and last but not least, that I am slowly learning not to take things so personally. I think this has been one of the biggest challenges.
    I was pleased he din`t get upset when I mentioned the day centre. He referred to it the other day as the clinic. I might try that tomorrow.

    Dear Christine,
    I do understand what you are saying about day care possibly being inappropriate for those with Alzheimers, but what is the alternative.
    I doubt any government in the world could afford individual home care. And if Dhiren were to be cared for at home, it would mean I would have to go out every week for the day. That wouldn`t be much help either.
    And I do believe the support worker from the mental health team who said Dhiren coped very well on his first day, and although anxious at times, did enjoy himself for some of the time.
     
  8. Christinec

    Christinec Registered User

    Aug 8, 2007
    214
    Dear Sylvia,
    You ar right. Care at home would also bring other drawbacks. You also remind me that although my Mum says she does not like her residential home and that no one ever talks to her there have been many occasions when I have arrived to find her sitting chatting or taking part happily in an activity. Staff also say she has settled well and seems fine.

    Rather sadly it does remind me of how my children could be about being left with carers while I worked. The strategies you use with children just seem harder to use with an adult. You do make them keep going and ignore their complaints although you would investigate if there was anything that worried you. Also you trust the child minder and accept what she tells you.

    Anyway daycare does seem to work for many people and I am sure that it will work better for Diren after a while.

    Take care.
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    Day Centre Week 2

    Dhiren went to bed at 9.30pm last night, tired from our outing and bored by Big Brother, so I was hopeful for this morning.

    He woke at 7.45am. and got up straight away. He washed and shaved and was still very tired, but I ignored it, let him get dressed while I went for the papers.

    He had a small breakfast, was too tired to be hungry and kept nodding off over the papers. I sat with him, feeling deceitful and a bit sick.

    The transport was late, the driver came in and asked him to go with her. He asked if I was going too and I said not. He went with her, but managed to give me a very dirty look on his way out.

    It was much better than last week but I have a headache.
     
  10. gill@anchorage5

    gill@anchorage5 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    211
    Southampton
    Hi Sylvia

    At least Dhiren went! I remember only too well the "will he - won't he?" scenario on the days when Dad was scheduled to attend the Day Centre.

    So many variables.....will he get out of bed? Will he be ready in time? Will he be well enough to go...will he go off with a cheery wave & a thumbs up from the mini-bus window or will he refuse to go?

    Hope you manage to get out in this lovely sunshine and have a few hours to yourself to relax. Obviously you can't forget the "dirty look" as the parting shot this morning, but hopefully he will have forgotten all about it.

    Hope your headache gets better soon - have a good day.

    Love

    Gill x
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    Thank you Gill

    It`s so good to hear of shared experiences, you know exactly how it is.
    Your variables are my variables.
    My headache has gone thanks, I`ve been to the shops, had my first food of the day and am enjoying the silence.
    Love xx
     
  12. ROSEANN

    ROSEANN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    909
    staffordshire
    Hi Slyvia
    So glad things have gone a bit better.:)
    My husband always says he dos not want to go but on the occasions I have gone to pick him up he is always the one I hear laughing.

    Today I went to look at the home he is going into for respite and came back feeling alot better. the staff were great took me every where and told me I could bring my husband for lunch anytime so that he could look round also.

    So today has being a good one up to now.:D
    Hope yours will be too
    Roseann
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    Good news about the respite home, Roseann. :) It`s such a good idea to invite both of you for lunch to help your husband get used to the home.
    I do hope the respite goes well for both of you. Has a date been set yet?
    Love xx
     
  14. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    402
    Yorkshire
    HI Sylvia
    Hope Dhiren enjoyed his day. But what was this about going to the shops though and then having your first food of the day. Sylvia you need your food to give you the strength to keep going.
    Sorry if I sound as though I'm telling you off, but Sylvia you need your strength so its not a criticism to you love.
    Love AndreaX
     
  15. ROSEANN

    ROSEANN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    909
    staffordshire
    Hi Sylvia
    Yes a date has been set for the middle of August.
    The only reason we have to wait that long is because they are putting my husband and his friend in respite together and hopefully it will help them both to settle and have a friendly face around.
    While they are in there I am going away for a few days with the wife of the friend who I met at our local AZ cafe.
    Love Roseann
     
  16. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    Oh dear Andrea. :D My first laugh of the day. If there`s one thing I won`t do, it`s go under through lack of nourishment. I`m sure I could live for the proverbial 40 days and 40 nights without food and come to no harm. I don`t think anyone in my life has ever been concerned that I have not eaten. All 12st 11lbs of me has a lot to feed on.
    But thank you.:)
    Love xx
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    Dear Roseann

    What a good arrangement. I hope it all goes well. You certainly deserve it.
    Love xx
     
  18. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,151
    Kent
    Dhiren is home and singing the praises of the NHS. Said he has had wonderful treatment and has been told he is well and healthy.

    I haven`t a clue what he is talking about but couldn`t care less. What a turnaround.
     
  19. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Wonderful news, Sylvia!:)

    It does sound as if Dhiren is settling down. I hope it continues.

    Love,
     
  20. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    402
    Yorkshire
    HI Sylvia
    So pleased that you didn't take offence in what I said!! Just concerned thats all!!
    Love AndreaX
     
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