1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

A helping hand with speech.

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Caz60, Aug 1, 2015.

  1. Caz60

    Caz60 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    251
    Lancashire
    Hi Everyone,
    My hubby has a severe problem with his speech ,he cannot bring to his lips what he wants to say ,and sometimes it doesnt make sense .Frustrating for all, so automatically
    for a long time i have been finding words for him and trying to keep conversation ongoing .I know there must be many of you out there who understand and probably do the same thing.I do wait when he is speaking and give him time but this last two weeks he has been without his Mementine because of side effects and has been severe.Thankfully last night he has been put back on 5mgs.Fingers crossed he should feel a bit better quite soon and side effects ,well ,we will wait and see how it goes.
    I just wondered if im doing right or wrong when i pick up on my hubbys frame of mind and help him out as my son asked how his Dad had been and when he didnt answer and get the words together ,i answered.My son told me he was asking his Dad and i felt really uncomfortable and was upset as i knew my hubby was struggling,not sure if i should just let things be or not .
    Sorry for babbling on but its bothered me all day.xx
     
  2. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,042
    If a blind person was struggling with something you'd help them unless they asked you not to. I am glad when people that know me help me when I am struggling with words as no amount of effort on my part will find them at that point. I'm sure your husband is glad of your help:) However, I know, as a nurse, we were trained to wait and let the person find them, my experience of this disease is I can't find the words and as a lover of language is a great loss:( so when someone can help me get them back for a while it helps.
     
  3. Optomistic

    Optomistic Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    109
    Manchester
    My husband has Alzheimers and struggles with speech this is one of the first things that made me take him to the doctors. I always try to finish his sentance if he his struggling to talk to somebody. Its always worse when he speaks to strangers and people in authority it can be awkward.
     
  4. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,358
    south-east London
    My husband also struggles to find his words. I give him space and time to get his words together as I think it important to allow him at least to get started, but more often than not I help him finish what he is trying to say.

    He often looks relieved when I step in to help out - however, very occasionally I get it wrong and add a bit to his frustration!

    In the main though, he is grateful for the general help and prompts I provide to help him express himself.

    I find that the people he is trying to communicate with also find it helpful when I help my husband in this way.
     
  5. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,967
    Brixham Devon
    Caz, you are doing exactly right. I did the same for my OH:) Come to think of it, when Pete was well we used to end up finishing each others sentences anyway! That comes naturally (I think) when you are in a long relationship.

    Take care

    Lyn T XX
     
  6. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Although my dad can talk fine he gets jumbled and loses his thoughts, track so I help him out ...getting into his thought process and help him finish the conversation, otherwise the conversation would stop, bring a silence while others await what he is saying making him feel uncomfortable.
    Have you tried speaking to son about it, help,him understand why you do it ?
    You are doing the right thing , I'm sure your hubby would try and stop you if wanted to do it himself.
     
  7. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    My husband at times will talk non-stop, what he is talking about doesn't make sense but the words are clear. However, if asked a direct question he struggles to find the words to give a coherent answer and if he's somewhere like the doctor's he a) usually won't remember why we're there or b) can't find the words to tell the doctor what is wrong. I now find the Dr will talk to me and I try and bring my husband into the conversation as I don't like talking about him as if he isn't there.

    Caz60 does your son spend a lot of time with his Dad so knows and understands his difficulty? Perhaps another time just leave them to have a 'conversation' and let your son handle it in his own way. I imagine, and as Sue J says, it must be extremely frustrating not to be able and a relief when someone else can provide the word(s), and keep the communication going.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  8. Caz60

    Caz60 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    251
    Lancashire
    Hi Jinx,
    Thank you for your response,in regards to my son yes he is aware of all the difficulties as we live as two families in one house ,but not fully understanding in my opinion.When he comes home from work after a long day he wants to ask about the day but when it's not been a good day that's when I step in to eliminate the stress for my hubby.We did sort it out and he wanted to speak to his dad no matter what he actually answered back ,but where the lack of understanding comes in is ,how bad a day he has had and I know when it's near on impossible.Maybe ,I will be a bit more relaxed and wait a bit longer before I step in ,Thankyou. It means a lot to babble on .love and care from Caz60
     
  9. Caz60

    Caz60 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    251
    Lancashire
    Thankyou to you all for your replies,I know deep down its appreciated but I also have to wait and consider a situation before I help out .thanks again .xx
     
  10. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Thanks very much for your post Sue. Your insights are invaluable and it's very generous of you to share them.
    I have the same experience with my husband. Very often when he's asked questions he looks to me to answer. I did think that perhaps I shouldn't step in as it was making him too dependent on me but now I try to give him a little time then I do answer for him. More difficult of course when I don't know what it is he wants to say. It can be so frustrating for him. Fortunately for me he's always been a very easy and most of the time he lets it go. Your post helps me to know I'm on the right track.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     

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