A heart breaking decision

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by germain, Oct 29, 2007.

  1. germain

    germain Registered User

    Jul 7, 2007
    Hello all,

    Just to update you on our Mum. Previous posts have described her wonderful assisted living accomodation, her recurrent UTIs, the Prozac saga and the possible C.Diff. and continuing falls
    Well after 4 weeks in hospital Mum came home bright eyed and bushy tailed last Monday - it lasted about 4 hours- until severe diarrhoea hit again. This has now cleared and we assume its not a superbug (the GP said we would be called if the tests showed anything nasty) BUT as ever, Mums dementia has deteriorated so much this week that the District Nurse was talking "place of safety" by Tuesday p.m.

    During her month long stay in hospital sister and I were so concerned , that after reading the great posts on "what to look for " - we visited all the local EMI homes we could find - never really dreaming we would need to look for certain but trying to plan ahead. Ha!

    Well within 7 days since her release the dreaded day has almost arrived - sister and I have been on call all day every day this week because the carers at the assisted scheme can't cope (Mum won't co-operate at all) She's totally incontinent - and yesterday we had to get her out of bed after 15 hours without a change of pad. She is hardly eating or drinking and refuses to open her eyes for more than about a minute at a time , won't leave her chair and won't even put her feet on the ground to walk properly.
    Knowing our Mum we know that some of the eye closing is total avoidance but following urgent calls to the SW team she was assessed today and is going into an EMI home at the end of this week. A new EMI residential wing in a very highly thought of CH and although the entrance etc is not the poshest in the world (but suits old ladies down to the ground )we were able to speak to other residents who have all been there for years and think very highly of "their" home.

    So that's it and its come so quickly that we're shell shocked - the SW told us to go ahead - not to worry about the financial assessment as she could be classed as respite until things are sorted .

    If you've read any of my other posts you'll realise that I generally try to deal with things by usually going super practical and active but today I just cried with relief. Relief that hopefully our lovely Mum will get the good care she deserves and (guilt monster here ) relief that we won't have to cope daily any more with all the awful things that AZ does.

    Love to all and I'll update on how the move goes and again special thanks to Margarita who - in the middle of all this stress - managed to make me shriek out loud with laughter re telling her mother that the talking alarm clock was God speaking !"!

    And I think more thanks to everyone on TP who, by sharing their experiences have made our crises just that little bit easier to bear.

  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    So sorry Germain, that it all came to a head while you were still in the planning stages.

    It is a shock to the system, but there`s no way out. I hope your mother settles into the home you`ve found and it won`t be as traumatic for you as you expect.

    Love xx
  3. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Dear Germain, sorry to hear that things have not be going well for you all. I hope that all goes well with the move and that your mum settles in alright. I also hope that it isn't to traumatic for you and your sister. Things seem quite positive as far the care home and the residents opinions go, so this must be pleasing to hear. Regards Taffy.
  4. germain

    germain Registered User

    Jul 7, 2007
    Its going well (too well ?)

    Hi all

    We got Mum moved into the home last Thursday without problem. We stayed for lunch with her and then left when she decided it was nap time.

    Popped in again the same evening and were told she'd "tried it on" with one of the carers re refusing to get up to change when badly needed. Carer personally told us that she'd given Mum no option - told her it wasn't a choice and Mum had said OK and gone along like a little lamb !!! We're quite happy with this approach as our Mum will say no to everything - just because ???

    Over last 2 days we've been told
    she's made a friend (we've seen this)
    she's joined in with exercise & activities
    she goes walking with her friend- hand in hand
    she's eating OK - not a lot but enough
    bed and pyjamas have been dry two nights now (they "toilet" at night)- we've checked this
    she's clean, warm and seems content - we've seen this on visits 3 & 4

    So where has the awkward, totally non mobile, self starving, very smelly, garbled talking , nasty old lady gone ?????
    We know AD doesn't improve so it's gotta be us ??

  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Germain.

    Don`t look for a reason, just be happy that you`ve made the right decision for your mother, the home and communal environment suits her and all`s well.

    What more could you want.

    Love xx
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Dear Germain

    Such is life. I suspect if you had tried the "no other option" approach it wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference: she still wouldn't have cooperated with you.

    I'm so happy for you all that she has settled this well.
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Germain

    I'm so glad your mum has settled so well in her new home. She obviously feels safe and comfortable there.

    No reflection on you! What carers can do, in pairs, and only for the length of a shift, is imposssible for one person to do 24/7/ I've had to come to this conclusion too, though as you say the guilt monster is hard to shift.

    I hope your mum continues to be well and happy.

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