A hard 24 hours with mum

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Michele, Nov 1, 2007.

  1. Michele

    Michele Registered User

    Oct 6, 2007
    1,224
    Hi everyone.

    Sorry I may be a bit moany on this one. I'm sorry, I just need to talk because the last 24 hours have been really hard and I feel really low.

    I picked mum up yesterday afternroon so that she could stay with us because it was halloween and I didn't want her to be scared on her own. She was ok, a bit quiet, then I cooked tea, we sat, we talked, she kept repeating herself, she kept going into another world and just staring and she was really hard work last night. We had a social nurse/carer coming round the next day. I asked mum if she was worried about it, she was very negative and didn't think that she had a problem.

    This morning she was really grumpy. Moaning about where she had moved to and that she felt isolated. My sister came over and she was the same with her. We both tried to let her know different things that go in the community house down the road and also what a lovely area she has moved to with lots of new friends but she didn't want to know. This was hard, because me and my sister spend as much time with mum as we can, and she makes us feel guilty that we can't be there all the time, but I don't think she realises that she is making us feel this way.

    The nurse came and did assessment tests on mum - she got 17 out of 30 right. I also had to fill in some assessment carers forms. The nurse was pleased with mum and they are now going to monitor her, which is good.

    I then took her to the community house to meet people, there is a lady who organises events and she is going to see mum, which I thought was great, but no. We get home and then mum is moaning saying that she needs days by herself.

    I feel I am in a no win situation. I know she has only just lost dad and she is grieving. But I haven't had time to grieve because all my time and worry is taken over by mum. I love mum so much and will do anything for her, but I also miss dad and she doesn't give me time to. Oh sorry, that sounds awful, but it is how I feel.

    The thing that worries me is that she is only in the early stages of AD, and I know it is going to get harder as time goes on. I just hope I can keep finding the strength to cope.

    Love

    Michele
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Moan away Michele, that's what we are here for.

    You say:
    I am sure you will. Does not matter at what stage our loved ones are, it is hard.
    Hard for them to understand, and for us to try to come to terms with.
    Use Norman's maxim "Day by day". Try not to think of worse things to come, they may not. Enjoy today, as much as you can.

    I am sorry you feel you do not have time to grieve for dad.
    If it helps at all, tell us about him. What made him so special in your eyes.? What sort of a dad was he?
    Maybe we can help you grieve, whilst you try to support your mum.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,903
    Kent
    Dear Michele.

    It is really hard for you I know, trying to make life better for your mother, but are you sure she is ready to socialize yet, after the death of your father?

    I know you want her to be with people, to be safe and have company, but it`s hard enough making new friends when you`re not grieving and don`t have Alzheimers, so I`m not really surprised your mother doesn`t want to go.

    Please don`t think I`m being critical, I know how much you are trying to help, but perhaps if your mother is safe, she might need some time by herself. Then when she continually complains of being isolated, you can encourage her to mix a bit.

    Love xx
     
  4. Michele

    Michele Registered User

    Oct 6, 2007
    1,224
    Connie, thank you for your wonderful reply. It is so lovely of you to say that I can share my feelings about dad with everyone. Maybe I will do.

    Thank you.

    xx

    Sylvia, no I don't think you are being critical at all. You have made me think and I thank you for that, and you are right. I shouldn't push mum to hard, because it is early days and like you say maybe she isn't really ready.

    Thank you.

    xx
     

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