A great book for those who have lost both parents

[CWR]

I just finished a book I ordered from Amazon, The orphaned adult, by Alexander Levy. There are books on grief, but not so many about what it is like when you become orphaned as an adult. It is truly strange. You cease to be a child, and become an adult, yet feel , at times, like an abandoned child. This book has been a great help in helping to explain the issues raised by this experience.I have felt it strange losing my mother since I lived with her all my life, and always felt, in some ways, that I never ceased to be a child. I had contemplated leaving a few times, but then my father died and I didn't want to leave mum. The book doesn't explore the further complications of dementia, but it does explore what it is like to lose both parents and to feel both free and terribly alone at the same time.

 

[Pete1]

Thanks @CWR, I lost both my parents to dementia. I can concur it is a strange feeling of being quite alone.

 

[Bunpoots]

I didn’t live with my parents but now they are gone I definitely know that orphan feeling.

 

[Kikki21]

It does feel strange being an adult orphan to be honest & I must admit to feeling slightly envious of people who have still got both their parents like my boyfriend & that he is so lucky.
I don’t begrudge him spending time with them as he often spends one night a week with them in terms of stopping over after work even though I miss him & he misses me.
I get that you realise how important it is & sometimes you don’t realise it until after both your parents have gone. The horrors of dementia also has an effect as you really do grieve twice xx

 

[Pete1]

sometimes you don’t realise it until after both your parents have gone

Very true. I understand what you say @Kikki21 about being envious - I now always find myself actively advocating for my friends to spend more time with their parents.

 

[MrCanuck]

When my grandfather died many years ago my mother said she was an "orphan" and I kind of laughed at the idea at the time. Well, the other year when my mom died the first thought that came to me was "I'm now an orphan" and I immediately realized what my mother meant.

I didn't realize that others also got that "orphan feeling".

 

[Kikki21]

Very true. I understand what you say @Kikki21 about being envious - I now always find myself actively advocating for my friends to spend more time with their parents.

Yes - someone managed to take offence at that last year when I basically said that her fiancé
( and her as well ) were lucky to have both parents alive! She took it out of context completely. We haven’t spoken since.