A good day, but still not "my dad"

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by noodle31, May 3, 2005.

  1. noodle31

    noodle31 Registered User

    May 1, 2005
    81
    kent
    Well dad has had a not too bad a day today. Almost back to his old self but not quite. he just isnt the same.

    He is swearing loads...not like him at all...

    and it is tho all boundaries have been removed, he says it exactly like it is!!!

    Very very strange.....he is so unpredictable too...

    we have had accusations of mum putting a spell on him amongst other things.

    He also says she is "spooky" he says she keeps disappearing....mum is there with him 24/7....it is his perception that she is not always there.

    why is it that it is my mum he fails to recognize at times? why not me or my brothers?

    out of all the people he knows, i dont get it....why my mum?

    love Jane x
     
  2. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    6,847
    Hi Jane,

    My 84 year old father-in-law is in the early/middle stages of dementia. The swearing was one of the first behaviours my mother-in-law noticed. She feels that it is linked to frustration and does her best to ignore it. However, if certain triggers for the frustration can be identified and eliminated, that's even better.

    One of the things that I have read is that people with AD lose certain skills and abilities in roughly the reverse order to that in which they were learned. So the learned social skills not to "tell it like it is" or to swear when frustrated are lost over time.

    As for his comments about your mother, I don't have any first hand experience to offer here, but I'd like to offer one possible perspective. I know people with AD can suffer from delusions but sometimes these can also be influenced by deeper emotional truths/worries. Is it possible as her role as caregiver has become greater and greater, the emotional tone of your mother's relationship has altered so much that he can tell she no longer relates to him in the same way?

    Take Care,

    Sandy
     
  3. janew

    janew Registered User

    Mar 28, 2005
    51
    not been recognised

    Hi Jane,

    At the moment I don't have the problem with mum swearing but some days she does not recognise me - especially on the days when I am caring for her 24/7. She also thinks there is 2 Jane's (a nice one and one that tells her what to do). I asked her Social Worker about this but she hasn't heard about this before.

    She always seems to be better when we are out doing things (in mum's case buying plants) we will soon have so many plants, we will be planting them on top of each other!! but at least it will keeps her occupied.

    I am sorry I can't offer any more help

    Take Care

    Jane
     
  4. Anne54

    Anne54 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2004
    147
    Nottingham
    Hello Jane
    I have been thinking about my husband not recognising me, I think in his mind I should be 24, not this middle aged tired looking woman with greying hair. He has no trouble with our daughter but she looks like his sister did 25 or 30 years ago, now our son is that bloke, Fred had no brothers and although he (our son) looks like my brother Fred only met him a few times. He always knows my voice though.
    We also have the swearing, he would never swear in front of me before AD.
    Anne
     
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Jane, I think Ann has cracked it there, my Mum could not see that she was the age she was 70's , so, if in her mind, she was in her thirties, that made me a child. Therefore, how could this pain of a middle aged woman who insisted on interfering possibly be her daughter etc etc. Love She. XX :)
     
  6. noodle31

    noodle31 Registered User

    May 1, 2005
    81
    kent
    Thank you

    It is so very hard isnt it? dad answered the phone today and sounded almost like himself.


    My dad insists there are 2 of everybody, which is a bit concerning, poss all part of the delusions and paranoia

    i wonder what corner this awful disease will take next

    thank you for your replies

    love Jane x
     

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