1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Amanda

    Amanda Registered User

    Jul 13, 2004
    9
    Newbury
    Hi everyone,

    I visited my mum the other day, she wasn't having the best day ever which can always be upsetting.
    However, my mum and I were together in the kitchen while I helped her to put the kettle on. When the kettle had boiled and the cups were laid out ready to be used, I lifted the kettle and began to pour. Out of the kettle came some beautifully brewed tea instead of water. My mum had put the tea bags in the kettle instead of the Teapot. It was the best cup of tea that I have had in ages. Mum saw the funny side of it and we laughed and laughed together. It was so lovely, I saw a glimpse of my old mum returning. What a fantastic visit!
     
  2. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Amanda,

    Ah, the old tea bags in the kettle trick...! This always gives me a big surprise and a laugh. We've gone through 4 electric kettles in the past couple of years. I never think to check though, even now.

    Jude
     
  3. karen_white

    karen_white Registered User

    Apr 21, 2004
    72
    Berkshire
    What a lovely story and something you will certainly hold close to you heart.
    Great to hear the good things that happen.
    Keep smiling
     
  4. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    We often get the tea in the kettle the difference in my tale is that my wife denies all knowledge of putting bags in the kettle.
    I believe her because Mr Nobody lives in our house and does allsorts of funny things,it must be him!
    Try to smile and think day to day.
    Keep smiling
    Norman
     
  5. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Norm,

    Mr Nobody sure gets around... He visits us on a daily basis too!

    Cheers, Jude
     
  6. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Jude
    our Mr No body ate 9 KitKats the other evening,he can also demolish boxes of cakes,leave paper hankies around and leave the front door open,to name but a few
    best wishes
    Norman
     
  7. naomi

    naomi Registered User

    Jul 8, 2004
    13
    I find it hard to joke about what strange things mum has done and find it difficult to read your funny stories.my mum has always been so dignified and respectful and would hate the fact that people laugh at her because she has acted out of character.Thats why I hate this disease so much.
     
  8. naomi

    naomi Registered User

    Jul 8, 2004
    13
    my mum went out in her slippers and people thought it was funny.I did not.She was once a nurse,highly respected,and now she has Alziemers.I find it so hard to tell funny stories about her.
     
  9. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Naomi,

    There are so many heartbreaking aspects to AD that we all have to deal with every day.

    To be able to laugh WITH your parents [NOT AT THEM] with a funny incident, such as going out in their slippers or putting tea bags in the kettle instead of the teapot helps to release the tension.

    Nobody on this web is EVER going to LAUGH at somebody with AD. It's horribly serious and terminal. We all need to lighten up a bit now and again and enjoy some humour. Please don't ever feel that I, or anyone else here, is denigrating the situation. Also, in relating these incidents, we can all be assured that this 'odd behaviour' is not just peculiar to one person. That, in its own way, helps us to bond together as a group of caring people.

    Best wishes, Jude
     
  10. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Naomi

    hasn't everyone gone out in their slippers at one time or another? I went to work in odd coloured shoes once, and am amazed at how many pairs of odd socks I have bought over the years - I make it my challenge to see if there's any way my odd socks can ever be mixed to produce a matched pair, and - do you know what? - it often happens. Spooky!

    Moral is that we all do strange things. But what is 'strange'?

    Dementia is a great leveller, and people who have dementia work from the very basics.

    Slippers are shoes, aren't they? So we differentiate between shoes for indoors and shoes for outside, but isn't that overcomplicating things? [I often wear sandals inside and out to save having to change, so what's the difference?] Shoes, sandals, slippers - they are all there to help us walk without getting our feet dirty. That's all there is to it. What we choose to wear is up to us. Your Mum could have gone out in bare feet, and that WOULD have been worrying.

    Making tea. Why use two containers when one will suffice? So, put the teabags in the kettle. Why not?

    As a society, we have established all sorts of rules, often for no good reason. How come tank tops were all the rage one year, and a few years on are the cause of hilarity and derision? How come clothes labels were always on the inside, yet later the manufacturers put them on the outside and that becomes de rigeur?

    We live in a crazy world, and those with dementia are probably closer to basics than most of us. One thing we can share is laughter. As Jude says, we are not laughing AT them.
     
  11. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Now just hang on a minute Bruce....

    I hardly ever wear shoes and quite often go out with bare feet [unless it's snowing].........!! But then, I've always been a bit of a worry to other people.

    Cheers Jude
     
  12. janey

    janey Registered User

    Jun 29, 2004
    86
    Dear Naomi
    My heart goes out to you. I, and I'm sure everyone else in this forum, really do understand your pain - we feel it too for our own loved ones. I have had to pull off the road before now when a sudden wave of grief has hit me out of the blue - triggered by sad music on the radio, or just by my own thoughts as I drive. My Mum was a teacher, and a very intelligent and caring person. She's terrified of people laughing at her, and imagines that everyone is doing - sadly she is sometimes right. It makes me upset and furious when it happens, and is a reflection of society's lack of understanding, and I think fear, of dementia. People with dementia are misunderstood in the way people with learning disabilities used to be. Having said that, humour is a coping mechanism for those of us who are directly involved in caring for a loved one with dementia, and it can enable us to talk about behaviour that we might otherwise feel unable to address. I know I was relieved to hear that other people get through whole packs of biscuits and cakes like my Mum does (and like I imagine I would if my inhibitions were removed as hers are!). You possibly feel that to share experiences of our loved ones' behaviour is a betrayal - I did at first, but I came to realise that Dad and I need to be able to laugh about what goes on, or it would all become too much for us to bear. Finally, I've found that the pain doesn't lessen, but somehow it gets easier to deal with as time goes by and I find strategies to cope. For instance, I'm no longer putting other drivers' lives in peril by bursting into tears in the car - I listen to Radio 4 now (I defy anyone to cry at that ;-) Love and courage, Jane
     
  13. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Yes, Jude, and when I was in the Caribbean I rarely wore shoes, but are you really saying you don't wear shoes in deepest Surrey, as opposed to the tropics? If so you are sturdier than I am - or is the climate that different a little east of here!

    And yes, Janey, some music does it every time for me, too.

    If one doesn't see some of the things that are done as humorous, then there is a danger that, instead, they invoke pity - not by us, of course [at least not consciously], but by the world at large.
     
  14. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Bruce,

    No seriously - I hardly ever wear shoes. I have to when I go out in the winter here obviously, but indoors never. And never in the summer. I hated wearing shoes when I was a child, but it also stems from living in Indonesia. It is extremely impolite to enter the house with shoes on. I have two pairs of shoes and that's it and I avoid wearing them whenever I can. Another reason for this is that I very small feet and have to buy shoes in kid's shops. I also hate shopping!

    Jude
     
  15. karen_white

    karen_white Registered User

    Apr 21, 2004
    72
    Berkshire
    Naomi - can understand where you're coming from. I guess we all deal with this in different ways and it's also what the person with AD/VD is like as well.
    Dad was a very proud, intelligent man, but could also laugh at himself as well.

    One time Dad was in the living room while we were preparing dinner, having a cup of tea. Dad must have thought his tea was a bit strong as he proceeded to open my sisters new elizabeth arden face cream (still in it's wrapping and was quite expensive) and put the whole lot in his tea!!! He started to drink it when we came in and asked why we'd made him such an awful cup of tea!

    It wasn't that funny at the time as it was one of the first signs we were getting that Dad couldn't be left on his own, but now we look back at those times, and yes we do laugh. We remember the man he was and the fact that if he could, we KNOW he would laugh with us too.

    We never left him alone with beauty products again!! :)
     
  16. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    No one on this site would ever laugh at anyone with any type of Dementia.
    My wife and I laugh together at some of the things that she does,we have always laughed together. for 57 years, but not at each other,we are now in year 7 for AD.
    I am glad that by discussing the humerous things that occur can help others who at times feel it is only them to them that these
    situations happen.
    I have another one to add to my Day by Day--it takes less muscles to smile that it does to frown!
    As one who has worked with mental health most of my working life most that I met do not want sympathy but understanding
    Norman
     
  17. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Odd Shoes???

    Brucie

    have you only gone out in odd shoes the once? I've managed it twice this year so far! Had to hide my feet under my desk all day at work but it did raise a few giggles amongst my colleagues. But thats what helps us through isn't it - laughing in the face of adversity.

    Keep smiling everyone

    Kriss

    ps had trouble posting recently so hopefully am about to vent numerous frustrations in response to recent postings!
     
  18. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    yes, but one of them had high heels.


    [that WAS a joke, by the way... ;) ]
     
  19. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Brucie,

    Just had a very amusing picture of you hobbling down Haselmere High Street in one boot and a high heeled shoe, with odd socks on of course....

    Cheers Jude
     
  20. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    #20 Jude, Jul 23, 2004
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2004
    Dear Kriss,

    I've never gone to work with odd shoes on, which would raise a lot of laughs for sure. What I have done is turned up for work on a Monday morning when I was supposed to be on holiday. I was automatic pilot and it wasn't until around 10am that I realised that I wasn't supposed to be there....!

    Jude
     

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