Thanks everyone. Just popped home for a shower and change of clothes (and some make up!). Mum is, sadly, dying. They tried antibiotics several times, to no avail, so have stopped treatment, pallative drugs only. As well as the pneumonia, she has an obstructed bowel, which was probably the cause of those awful toileting issues. Wish I'd known, but to be honest, I think it only came on recently - maybe that awfully huge bowel movement she had last week compromised the bowel somehow. Poor mum. An operation would be possible for this, but not for someone in mum's state, they said she would probably not survive, and why put her through it? The drugs are OK, they make her more 'comfortable', but the heavy breathing and rasping continue and it's awful to witness. Nearly three years of hell with dementia, and a terrible ending as well. But, at least she won't go to end stage, that I can now be sure of. A little bit more 'torture' and it will all be over. Rest at last.
Managed to get a priest to give her Last Rites today, which also gave me comfort. The staff at the hospital have been great, but due to a very loud and coarse bed neighbour (!), she's now in a side room, quieter, but more lonely for me. I have taken to pacing the corridors! Consultant said it could be today, or a bit longer, but it's going to be soon. Cried a lot last night, slept in the hospital bed with her, and felt stronger this morning, am bracing myself as, in spite of all the anticipatory grief already experienced, I know it will hit me hard when mum is no longer with us. I'd like to think dad and all their friends have got the banners out and are waiting, drumming their fingers. She's kept them all waiting for so long!
A few thoughts already though - I did it! I accomplished mum's care as I wished, at home. That was important to me. To have her dying at home would perhaps have been a step too far, so glad she's in hospital, with all drugs at hand, and all other support of course. Hospice has been mentioned, but it would be along drive from the hospital so they said it's too risky in her state.
The other thought - no more carers stomping through the house!!!! One has texted me already, bless her, and the on call office lady offered to come to the hospital. What stars. In spite of the stomping, they were all angels, doing what they did to help me and mum
OK, back to hospital to try to be with her when she dies. She can't speak, too weak and raspy and rarely opens her eyes now. I speak to her and stroke her hands and face, and will be sleeping with her in the hospital bed again tonight, if she survives that long.
My mum, what a star, what a wonderful mother and friend she has been to me. I hope just some of what I've done for her over the past few years has been as good as what she gave to me throughout her life.
Getting sentimental now, have to go!
