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A dreadful couple of days

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Marnie63, Aug 30, 2018.

  1. Marnie63

    Marnie63 Registered User

    Dec 26, 2015
    1,576
    Hampshire
    Witnessing mum like this is almost as bad as the last three years of dementia. She may have escaped end stage dementia, but now she has to slowly drown in her own juices. I think they can't be ready for her yet. Maybe dad is saying the bunting isn't quite right! Oh dear God, I hope there is some peace in the next life, after what we have to witness and endure on this earth.

    Thank you, all you wonderful people, for your words of comfort and support, I can definitely feel your spirit with me, and walking the corridors with me too. This is no peaceful passing by any means, but they assure me she's comfy.
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,192
    Female
    Dundee
    Continuing to wish you the strength you need. Wishing your mum peace.
     
  3. elvismad

    elvismad Registered User

    Jan 8, 2012
    289
    I'm so sorry you and your mum must endure this. sending hugs and thinking of you.
     
  4. Prudence9

    Prudence9 Registered User

    Oct 8, 2016
    478
    With you Marnie, I wish I could be physically there to give you a comforting hug, it's so hard to watch this isn't it..

    Be comforted though that the medics' say Mum is comfy, I think some of the distressing things to watch are like reflex actions and not causing pain or discomfort - just not nice for us to watch as we feel so helpless.
    Maybe that bunting will be ready soon and your Mum can be at peace.
    I'm not religious at all but I do believe that peace is what our loved ones find when they die.

    More love and ((((hugs)))) to you, brave, courageous, loving daughter xxxxx
     
  5. rosy18

    rosy18 Registered User

    Jul 23, 2016
    1,279
    Female
    Blackpool
    That bunting will have to be perfect for someone as precious as your Mum. When it is your Dad will take your Mum holding her hand tight.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you both. ((Hugs))xxxx
     
  6. DollyBird16

    DollyBird16 Registered User

    Sep 5, 2017
    1,186
    Female
    Greater London
    Thinking of you. X
     
  7. Marnie63

    Marnie63 Registered User

    Dec 26, 2015
    1,576
    Hampshire
    I think I would describe what I'm witnessing here right now as 'humanity' on a really raw and basic level. The rawness of life and death, and everything in between, on display in various shapes and forms. Strangers giving words of support, hugs, reassurance. Such wonderful, caring staff, some perhaps more suited to human interaction than others! A smile here, a sympathetic nod there. The lady in the next room , younger even than me, disabled and very poorly, but still giving me words of support. Me, tired and exhausted, thinking of what the days ahead will involve. Mum slowly slipping away on the bed. In a way, life is quite wonderful on such a level. Whoever we are, sick, well, educated or not, doctor or porter, we all have that humanity which connects us all in that special way. I've said it before, but the kindness of strangers is uplifting. Amazing!

    But back to the point, mum's breathing is getting shallower. They are about to fit a syringe driver to supply a more constant flow of meds. It can't be long now, surely.
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,192
    Female
    Dundee
    What a lovely post @Marnie63.

    I hope the syringe driver allows your mum less stress in her last hours.
     
  9. Prudence9

    Prudence9 Registered User

    Oct 8, 2016
    478
    I'm glad for you you're getting that real-life support too, people can be so wonderful. As Izzy says, a lovely post.
    Hope the syringe driver works it's magic very soon and you can sit with your Mum and hold her hand while she's peaceful.xxxxxx
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,840
    Female
    South coast
    Oh Marnie, Ive only just found this thread and I am so very, very sorry
    You are into the last long vigil, but the syringe driver will help to make her comfortable.. You will know when you are getting to the very end because her breathing will change, with lots of gaps.

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
     
  11. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,021
    Female
    Chester
    So sorry to read of your dreadful time. As you say you cared for her at home for a long time and did your mum proud. Thinking of you during these final difficult days.
     
  12. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,738
    Female
    Scotland
    The kindness of strangers is the only good thing that I have got out of my husbands dementia. Staff in the NHS, staff and newly made friends in Alzheimers Scotland, neighbours I had never spoken to before who go out of their way to be kind, total strangers who phoned me or brought him home in his wandering phase, the police who were unfailingly kind and patient, travellers on the bus who swiftly stand so we can sit down.

    I hope people will go on being kind Marnie because you will need that and so do we all.
     
  13. Lorna44

    Lorna44 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2016
    175
    Female
    Surrey
    Thinking of you
     
  14. hilaryd

    hilaryd Registered User

    May 28, 2017
    84
    Just adding to the thoughts and good wishes Marnie - sending peace and comfort to you and your mum xxx
     
  15. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Marnie, all I can do is offer more (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) to you.

    I am glad the staff are competent and caring and helpful, and hope the syringe driver can be fitted soon and that the regular delivery of meds gives your mum some relief.

    I am so sorry.
     
  16. Marnie63

    Marnie63 Registered User

    Dec 26, 2015
    1,576
    Hampshire
    It's all over now. Mum passed at 1700. No more dementia.

    The final stage was peaceful.
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,840
    Female
    South coast
    ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) Marnie
    Im glad it was peaceful.
    You have done everything that you could possibly have done for her.
    Be gentle with yourself now.
     
  18. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    I'm so sorry, Marnie, but glad the end was peaceful xx
    You will be stunned, I'm sure, it has all seemed to happen so suddenly ( though maybe it doesn't feel that way to you).
    Sending love, hugs and condolences
    Lindy xx
     
  19. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,704
    Male
    Bristol
    Sorry to hear your mum passed away, Marnie. It's good you could take comfort from her final moments being peaceful.
     
  20. Distressed55

    Distressed55 Registered User

    May 13, 2018
    67
    I'm so sorry, Marnie. I'm glad that the end was peaceful for your darling mum. You couldn't have done any more for her than you did. You were wonderful, the way that you looked after her. She is free now.
     
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