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  1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Weds 28 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 28 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

A dreadful couple of days

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Marnie63, Aug 30, 2018.

  1. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,230
    Female
    Dundee
    Oh @Marnie63 what an emotional time for you. So much of what you have written in your post echoes how my husband's last days were. In particular the last thoughts in your post are so close to how mine were.

    I'm thinking of you both. Still wishing you continued strength and wishing your mum her well deserved peace. I'm so glad you have been able to stay with her. A comfort to you both.
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,047
    Merseyside
    Oh Marnie your love & devotion to your Mum comes through so clearly.
    My thoughts are with you both xx
     
  3. Distressed55

    Distressed55 Registered User

    May 13, 2018
    67
    I'm so sorry. You've done brilliantly, your mum couldn't have asked for better.
     
  4. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    4,587
    Scotland
    Thinking of you both and hoping that your mum is kept comfortable.
     
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,829
    Nottinghamshire
    @Marnie63. I've followed your brave struggles with your mum. You've been so strong for her for so long. I hope her passing is peaceful for both of you.

    Thinking of you both.
     
  6. lilaclady

    lilaclady Registered User

    Apr 11, 2016
    53
    Wishing you strength and your lovely mum a peaceful passing - I too have read your struggles with so much admiration for your caring - Take care of yourself xx
     
  7. DollyBird16

    DollyBird16 Registered User

    Sep 5, 2017
    1,186
    Female
    Greater London
    I hope I have your courage, strength, tenacity, compassion and love, when the time comes for my Mum X
     
  8. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    676
    Female
    There is something so special about a mother and daughter relationship isn’t there... and you have been very lucky to have had such a lovely strong relationship with your Mum.
    Not everyone is lucky enough to have what you and I too have had.
    I still miss my Mum dreadfully, she died in 1987. But I also have some very special memories of her.
    Stay strong @Marnie63 ....
    all of this is so very tough for you, but take comfort from how much you and your Mum love each other.
    That love will always be there.
    With love B xx
     
  9. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,719
    Male
    Bristol
    What a moving post, Marnie. I can only join the others in wishing you and your mum peace and rest tonight.
     
  10. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,380
    Kent
    Oh Marnie...what a few days you and your dear mum have had. I wish her a comfortable and peaceful drift into sleep. My dad was similar...bumbling along the declining dementia road then...wham other medical problems came from left side totally caught me and his NH by surprise. I like you thought when I took dad back to his NH to die...at least he had been spared the very end dementia stage trapped in his body and in his bed. Last rites for dad gave me comfort also so I am glad that you have managed that for your mum. I cam also empathise with you walking the hospital corridors in the early hours.Don't think about what ifs...they don't count...you have been and will continue to be an amazing daughter and your mum is blessed to have you and vice versa. Take care of yourself also during this rotten time
     
  11. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,455
    south-east London
    Thinking of you. The palliative care team will do a wonderful job in keeping your mum pain free so that her passing is as peaceful as possible. Well done in all that you have done for your mum and I am glad that you are already focussing on the positive times. Just being there to hold her hand at these end stages will bring comfort to you both.
     
  12. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Marnie, I am so sorry, I have only just now caught up on your news. All I can do is send many ((((((())hugs))))))))) to you and your mum. I'm so sorry.
     
  13. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,059
    Toronto, Canada
    Marnie, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how hard it is to lose a beloved mother, having lost mine 2 years ago. I hope that your mother's passing is peaceful and serene.
     
  14. YorkshireLass

    YorkshireLass Registered User

    Feb 15, 2017
    198
    Female
    Ilkley
    Thinking of you both and sending a massive hug xxx
     
  15. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Sending a hug, its so very hard.
    I suppose the best we can wish for now is that Mums passing is peaceful x

    You were amazing- full of admiration for you, Mum couldnt have had it better
     
  16. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    I’ve been away from TP for a few days dealing with health issues here. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. You have done your utmost to care for her and I feel she would be so proud of you, and rightly so. I have learnt lots of useful snippets by following your posts so thank you. Sending love and hugs to you both and wishing your mum a peaceful end. You may be walking the corridors alone but we are all with you in spirit, and thinking of you.
     
  17. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    O dear Marnie, I have only just come on to the site after a week of trying to adjust to my changed circumstances with my mum and cried buckets all week. As I have been reading this thread my tears started again for you.

    Hold on to her for as long as you can. I am so sorry Marnie.
     
  18. Prudence9

    Prudence9 Registered User

    Oct 8, 2016
    478
    Dear Marnie, I'm so, so sorry.
    This time will be so precious to you both.
    What a lovely thought, you sharing the bed and holding your lovely Mum close.
    I'm so glad you have the palliative care team all around you to take that load from your shoulders, strong though they are.
    Yes, you did it, you did it, you should be so proud and I'm sure your Mum is.

    There'll be a big "gang" of TPers walking the corridors with you, invisible maybe, but there nonetheless.
    All my love to you ((((X))))
     
  19. rosy18

    rosy18 Registered User

    Jul 23, 2016
    1,279
    Female
    Blackpool
    Marnie I'm so sorry. You have been and continue to be by your Mums side throughout this dreadful illness.I pray for a peaceful journey for your Mum to your Dad and all of those waiting for her.
    Like others have said we are all walking those corridors with you.
    Such a precious time for you as you hold your Mum tight.
    Good night God bless xx
     
  20. Jale

    Jale Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    233
    Female
    Marnie, am so very sorry that you are now having to face this. From what I have read in your other posts you have done everything for your Mum that you could have possibly done. I hope that her passing is peaceful, will be thinking of you both
     
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