I originally sent this post to a moderator but as he suggested I should post it afterall here it is: I've got another question but I don't want to post it for fear it will upset people and make caring harder for some. Seeing as you seem to have managed to keep a loving relationship with your wife despite the disease, i thought you might be the best to ask. My mother used to be the primary carer for my father, and over the years I've often worried about the way my parents argued with each other, even before the disease. Anyway my question is, is it ever okay for the carer to hit the person with dementia? Not that that is necessarily happening just that Dad had bruises, not large ones, just marks on his arms, so I worried. Sounds like a stupid question and you may not be the one to answer it because no doubt its different when you are dealing with a dementia patient bigger and rougher than yourself, who won't do the things you want them to do. My mum as far as I know never hit Dad as such, but she did confess to me of rolling up a newspaper.... She also told me of a time when she took to hosing him out of the car when he refused to get out. She said that she was worried he'd suffer from the heat, to which I though she should have just opened all the doors, parked the car in the shade and let him come out when he was ready. Am I being too judgemental of her, is this normal behaviour for a carer stressed out to the max? Would appreciate your opinion, NOTE: My mother no longer cares for my Dad he is now in a home, but the stress this situation caused me, still bugs me and I thought others may have suffered the same.