Mum passed away two weeks ago now. Her funeral is next week. Everything has been finalised and once the funeral has happened that'll be the end of it all.
I am being a wreck today and have given myself a major headache as a result. Why are these thoughts so easy to get in your head and so hard to get out?
I'm punishing myself for not seeing Mum enough. She was in a care home and I moved within walking distance away but I still didn't go and see her all the time. And now I wish I had. Just to sit and hold her hand and give her some comfort. I used to go with my sister and we would sit and chat to each other and with Mum, even if she didn't understand she heard our voices. I found it harder by myself. It was upsetting to see her like that with no one else there as a distraction. I can even remember thinking that when she was gone I would wish I had seen her more, but it still didn't change anything! Now I can't stop thinking how I could have been there for her more.
I felt guilt with my Dad as well. He texted me one day and asked how my weekend had been as I'd gone away. Instead of sending a lengthy text back I thought I'd be seeing him the next day or the day after and I'd tell him then. Of course I never saw him again as he had a heart attack. And how I wish I'd texted back now! Still to this day I wish that.
Your mind can be a horrible thing sometimes...
I am being a wreck today and have given myself a major headache as a result. Why are these thoughts so easy to get in your head and so hard to get out?
I'm punishing myself for not seeing Mum enough. She was in a care home and I moved within walking distance away but I still didn't go and see her all the time. And now I wish I had. Just to sit and hold her hand and give her some comfort. I used to go with my sister and we would sit and chat to each other and with Mum, even if she didn't understand she heard our voices. I found it harder by myself. It was upsetting to see her like that with no one else there as a distraction. I can even remember thinking that when she was gone I would wish I had seen her more, but it still didn't change anything! Now I can't stop thinking how I could have been there for her more.
I felt guilt with my Dad as well. He texted me one day and asked how my weekend had been as I'd gone away. Instead of sending a lengthy text back I thought I'd be seeing him the next day or the day after and I'd tell him then. Of course I never saw him again as he had a heart attack. And how I wish I'd texted back now! Still to this day I wish that.
Your mind can be a horrible thing sometimes...