1. little shettie

    little shettie Registered User

    Nov 10, 2009
    218
    I have posted many times on here about mum. She has lived with me and hubby since June last year and we have finally (last week) finished the garage conversion that has become her new bedroom complete with en suite shower room. Its really lovely and large enough to take some more of her furniture. We've put in all her familiar things which are so important to her. It took 7 months to complete as we did the work ourselves and ran out of money several times. For our own sanity we needed to get it done as mums old bedroom was dead opposite ours and she would wander most nights in and out of the bedroom opening and closing every door as she went through it. She shuffles around in her slippers and the noise of that kept us awake many many nights! Hubby has to get up early for work and so its been very difficult and now the room is finished and we installed mum last week, we are getting our sleep at long last! We lock her in at night as she has everything she needs in her new room, I give her drinks and snacks and she wears a Buddi wristband which detects falls and we have a camera installed high up which can be viewed on our iphones. So we have done all we can to ensure shes safe. However, we want to encourage her to use her room a bit more during the day and evening, not all the time but 2-3 times a week, so hubby and I get some private time together. We only have one lounge and mum just sits in it all day and evening. It can be difficult to talk with her there! How do I encourage her to stay in her own room? I certainly don't want to lock her in during the day, she has her own tv, we get the paper delivered daily which she still enjoys reading but somehow she wants to be with us all the time!! Bless her, I feel rotten saying it but we do need some time just the two of us. Anyone have any ideas?!! Lol! Also, more important is the last month or so mum has many more frequent episodes of what I call blankness. She looks at me and asks where she is, just out of the blue and then asks where my dad is. Hes been dead nearly 3 years. She gets very frightened by the fact she can't remember things and I feel totally helpless. I obviously comfort her and try to reassure her but she gets very upset. Shes been on Aricept since diagnosis of AZ 6 years ago and it has worked well for her (or so we think) but is there any other medication that can be given to help when it goes further down the line? To be honest its very traumatic taking mum to the GP or psychiatrist and before I go down that road wondered if anyone had any knowledge of something that may help? Sorry to have waffled on, was trying to set the scene! Thank you xx
     
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,776
    Salford
    Could you put a TV in there then when something she likes to watch comes on suggest she watches it in her room as you want to watch something different. Hopefully when she will get used to the idea of sitting in her room, possibly put a comfy chair in there too.
    K
     
  3. little shettie

    little shettie Registered User

    Nov 10, 2009
    218
    Yes she has a TV and comfy chair! Sadly mum has little interest in TV, and when I switch it on for her, she normally turns it off!! Lol!
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,740
    Female
    London
    I am afraid there is no medication against blankness! There are other meds if she had behavioural problems, but that's not what you are after. There might come a point when the meds will no longer help against the progression.

    I can understand both your Mum's need to be with you and your need to be on your own. Have you thought about a day centre to get her out of the house or a sitting service that could either take her out or sit with her in her room? We get this through Age UK and it really helps, both to give you respite and her social interaction.
     
  5. little shettie

    little shettie Registered User

    Nov 10, 2009
    218
    Ok Beate, thank you. I wasn't sure about the meds but silly question I guess! Mum won't go to any day centres, she doesn't like going anywhere strange and finds it hard to mix with lots of people around and noise, she just retreats into her self. We do get 6 hours sitting a week paid for which I do use, but its so hard getting sitters in the evenings when we need it most! What I really need (and everyone else) is a magic wand!! x
     
  6. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    227
    northamptonshire
    I think you find it is illegal to lock any one in a room or in fact the house incase there is a fire. MIL lives with us has done for 3 years now and we only have 1 lounge so in eving no time t ourselves . we have a sitter 3 times a moth for 3 hrs each time it is free from Age UK . but the subject of MIL is bad on our date .I wish we could do that have a separate space cannot afford to add to our house plus she would not feel safe. we added a tv to her bedroom and a new chair but ly bee on about 5 times as now she cannot use it and does not watch tv. wish I could help my MIL has Vascular demetia late stage so lots of personal care now needed . ifshe gets stress when going GP get them to do a home visit
     
  7. little shettie

    little shettie Registered User

    Nov 10, 2009
    218
    Illegal. Really? Never heard that. Why do they lock people in care homes then? For their own safety. We do same for mum. Yes it gives us peaceful nights sleep but her room is purpose built and much safer than the dangers of wandering around the house in the dark. If there is a fire, we have smoke alarms in all rooms. I think the danger of her falling and injuring herself is greater than there being a fire.
     
  8. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,740
    Female
    London
    I must admit that I overlooked that part of your post when I read it. People in care homes have to have a DOLS administered if their liberty is deprived in their own best interest. That is a legal requirement. DOLS does not apply in private homes, however, according to this link you would have to make an application to the court of protection: http://www.scie.org.uk/publications/ataglance/ataglance43.asp

    Also, in care homes they might lock the front door, but they don't lock people in their rooms as it might distress them. I'm not disputing she might be safer in there, just how it might look to an outsider, and that it might be better to have this deprivation of liberty sanctioned by the court of protection.
     
  9. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,088
    Yorkshire
    #9 Shedrech, Dec 16, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2015
    Hi little sheltie
    maybe you could sit with your mum in her room some times some evenings either watching TV or listening to music or the radio with her, so that she becomes used to being in her room of an evening - then just pop to the loo and leave her for a while so she gets used to you not being there with her - then build up the length of time you leave her on her own - maybe both going to her room after tea so it becomes more routine that she goes to her room after the evening meal
    I appreciate that 'gets used to' may not be exactly what happens but it may work? - and even if she wanders back into your living room you will have had a short break at least
     
  10. little shettie

    little shettie Registered User

    Nov 10, 2009
    218
    Thanks Shedrech, that's not a bad idea. Will give it a try!
     

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