1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    Mum has another UTI and is bouncing up and down like a yoyo. Although it appears that she is holding her own I am terrified that she will go down hill over Christmas. I have twin 6 year olds to whom Christmas is a magical time. If I were to get that call to go would I be bad to stay with my children? Should I rush to the home? (I have made arrangements so that I am able to visit her both Xmas Eve and Xmas day for a short time without spending too much time away from my children. )Could I live with it afterwards? Has anyone else ever had to make this decision or something similar? Just advice to help me shove it to the back of my mind and a prayer that mum will still be here in the New Year.

  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Mamee, please enjoy Christmas with your children. Face whatever problems you may have when, and if, they come.

    Love xx
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Mamee, please shove it to the back of your mind!

    There's a fortnight to go till Christmas, your mum could be over the UTI by then.

    You've arranged to visit her Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

    Your children need and deserve a magical Christmas. It's one of the lovely things most of us remember from childhood, and you mustn't spoil it for them.

    I hope and pray it all works out well for you. Please try not to worry.

  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    The pressure on Christmas being a 'magical time' for everyone I find harder and harder with each year (pure getting older and more cynical by the day, not just current circumstances) ...... we live under this 'fear' of 'having the day ruined' (any circumstances not just someone precious to us being ill) ...... we are desperate to please everyone ..... we may be mourning our own losses but are expected to go along with all the 'jolly holly' .......

    At six, did any of us care for that? Weren't those the days of Christingle and magic and putting out a stocking, a carrot for Rudolph and a mince pie for Santa (since changed to a glass of sherry for Santa - actually I have tried for several years to suggest Santa much prefers a G&T - but my son is too old to be fooled by that one now) ......

    Mamee, I am trying to make light of what I know is a desperate situation ........ the 'what ifs', the balancing act, the dread, the hope ...... you have already selflessly tried to arrange everything for the best Christmas you can under the circumstances - that's as much as you can do - try not to put yourself under any more pressure by worrying what might or might not be ..... and look forward to seeing six year old faces light up on Christmas morning ........ whatever happens with mum - those faces WILL light up ..... and see you through ......

    With love, Karen, x
  5. paris07

    paris07 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2007
    Hi Mamee,
    I just wanted to say I can understand your situation.
    I have my mum booked into respite care for Christmas. I cannot remember a Christmas I have not spent with mum ,but I have decided due to mum's angry moods with my granddaughter this is the right step to make.
    I will be feeling a little sad but must think of my children and I suppose, selfishly ,myself.I have arranged for friends to visit mum in home on Christmas day (as we live 1hours drive away)
    I wish you all the best wishes and hope you have a wonderful Christmas .
  6. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Just picking up the threads of this post and just want to say how important it is to think of children. Make the most of it. I would not want my daughters to think of me ahead of their children at this time of the year. It is not selfish to do that - it is more than normal.

    I know it is a difficult decision but why 'rush' to the hospital? - your Mum will be cared for and whatever is in store for her you can do very little to prevent it. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IMPORTANT and I can hear your Mum saying that too. The chances are that a UTI will be under control by the big day.

    I think I am making this sound easy - but I do realise it is not. I am sure all will work out well in the end.

    Take care Jan
  7. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire

    I have this problem also.

    Christmas usually means my daughters (although not now six years old) and family, come to me for breakfast, opening pressies and dinner etc. the whole day and again the next, to eat the leftovers.

    This year, Mum and Dad won't be with us, because Dad is in a care home and Mum is in hospital.

    I am desperately trying to work out how to visit both Mum and Dad, while still trying to keep the routine of Christmas, which everyone enjoys.

    I phoned my brother to-night to see if he had any plans to visit Mum or Dad on Christmas day, but alas no, he has other plans and he said "they won't know it's Christmas anyway" so it is all down to me again.

    I don't know why I expected anything different.

    I'm sure it will all work out in the end, but at this moment, I just wish I could cancel Christmas.

    Take care
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Alfjess,

    It`s all on your shoulders isn`t it?

    I haven`t any brainwaves to solve the problem but just feel sad so many people are put under much more pressure, during what is supposed to be the Season of Good Will.

    Love xx
  9. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007

    I so understand what you mean. My sibling has visited Mum a gandful of times this year. He has no plans to go over CHristmas as far as I am aware and although he passes by he rarely visits her.

    Think you are all right though..I have to jsut shove it to the back of my mind and keep it there under lock and key along with the guilt etc. that I cannot be everything to everyone. My kids, husband and I will have a good Christmas..they just love it at the moment and I am going to try and see it all magically through their eyes. Realistically I know that this is what my Mum would have wanted (although by the time I was having the boys she was already becoming clingy and selfish through the dreaded disease that is dementia and I have probably lost sight of the person she was!)Should the worst happen I will deal with it as best I can at the time.

    Thank you

  10. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Mameeskye

    Enjoy Christmas with your young family, after all the magic of christmas still wonderful at that age.

    What will be will be with your Mum and you will still see her on Christmas day, that is more than our siblings will do.

    I hope you have a very happy Christmas with your children

  11. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Mamee,
    As this is the first Christmas without my husband who is in E.M.I. Unit and in the last stage. I wanted to just stay home but Peter and I always spent Christmas with the Grandchildren. As the Grandchildren are devoted to their Grandfather, I know that Peter would have wanted Christmas to carry on even without him. It will still be hard for them but I have to remember it is their memories of Christmas. So I am spending Christmas Day with them and they are so excited. I have bought special presents for the children from Grandad. I do hope all goes well for you and your family. The children miss out so much when a Grandparent/parent has this herrendous illness.
    Best wishes. Christine

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