My dad will be 90 this year and has combined vascular dementia and altzheimer’s. He is cared for at home by my 86 year old mother who is barely mobile due to arthritis and balance problems. Mum insists none of us mention Dad’s condition and if he has ever overheard the docs saying it he seems to have forgotten. I try to respect this but it becomes very hard when he looks me in the eye distressed and asking what is wrong with him. Lately he has deteriorated and become more aggressive mainly verbally but kicking a few inanimate objects. I am beginning to question mum’s ability to cope . She finds any excuse why respite car won’t work, doesn’t want strangers in the house to look after them and both of them reject a care home as the ultimate betrayal. She panicks when he gets aggressive and is not good at calmly distracting him. I fear something horrible will have to happen before they will accept a care home or even visiting carers are needed. Do I push them to do the sensible thing even if they will hate me for it? How feasible is it to get in careers at the time of greatest neeed for dementia sufferers?