A bump on the head.

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Mum fell, whilst having her hair cut.
Her head hit the wall.
But mum can't stand. She has bumped just above the bridge of her nose. The room is so narrow that you can only just fit a wheelchair in. It doesn't add up. To me it looks as though she hit her face on the sink. How, why? Why was there no carer just the hairdresser with her? Why is her hand black? Where was she when the nurses picked her up? She has stopped leaning forward in chairs, was she being pushed forward to wash her hair? Why when her eyes are blackened and the top of her nose very badly swollen did I have to suggest that she may need painkillers? Accidents happen, that I can accept, but at the moment I don't think we have been told the truth.
Dad was very down last night, so I went over at 9am to the Nursing Home, to see how mum was. Through her breakfast, she smiled. She looks like something out of Star Trek, but she smiled. I took her home for a few hours then took her back and gave her lunch, by which time she was ready for a snooze. She's OK. so why do I feel like sh--? I want to protect them, care for them, stop them hurting, but I can't.
Just needed to get this out - put it in a box - and then get on with the things that I should be getting on with. Thanks for listening.
Helen
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
63
Sheffield
Hi Helen
I'm so sorry to hear your mum has had a bad experience and it's only natural you want to get to the bottom of it....i can't really offer much advice except to tell you not to feel like sh--!! It's not your fault and you can't be with her 24/7 to protect her....these things do happen....
Are you generally happy with the home?
Has anything happened like this before?
Could it be that your mum fainted due to the heat of the last few days?(my mum has been very drained and unsteady the last few days)

Try not to beat yourself up about it
Love
Wendy
x
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Oh your poor mum, they should of spayed your mum hair with water when trying to cut her hair.

Your mum hair must have been clean from the shower they give then , how can they be so stupid , they must have been trained in heath & safely for the elderly

As only the other day I was taking to mum carer who washes her , in how the lady who come to our home to perm mum hair was going to wash it out at home , she said its dangers to tell mum to bend her head forward, so she advice me to sit mum in chair in shower & tell mum to tilt her head backwards I just put an old summer dress on mum while the lady wash mum perm out .

And other time mum has had her cut the lady uses a bottle of water spay ,

Your think the care home would no better, it was only a hair cut your mum was having, don’t blame you for feeling upset make a written completed to the manger of the home
 

dmc

Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
1,157
hi amy,

just wanted to say im so sorry your mum got hurt, as if things arn't bad enough, you put your trust in these people to care for your loved ones, and look what happens i know when it happened to my mum i felt like s*** too.
the trouble is theres always a excuse as to why these things happen and you either have to believe it or do something about it,
sending your mum a big {{{HUG}}} and one for yourself{{{HUG}}}
hope she's ok soon xx
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Hiya all,
Ever lose the plot? I seem to have at the moment - sitting here crying and I don't know why. Mum is Ok. Nothing has changed - but it seems to have opened a dam in me. So what do I do to help matters? Shout at my husband. Wonderful thinking Helen! So Karen, if you read this, here is me getting it wrong, yet again!!

Yes Wendy, we are generally happy with the home. I think it was a mistake on the part of the hairdresser; the Manageress realises now that mum should not have been left without a care assistant present as well, and has assured us it won't happen again. But my poor mum has not a lot going for her anymore, and seeing her looking so battered - just brings home how **** and sad the whole situation is. I'm not angry, I'm not wanting to complain, just so sad.

Heard of Myth of Sisyphus? Keeps pushing a stone to the top of a hill and every time it gets near the top it rolls straight back down, life has that feeling tonight.
Think I am going to open a bottle of wine.
Love Helen
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Helen, isn't that part of caring - whether it's for our young, our old - anyone who is vulnerable ... for anyone we take responsibility for? It's hard handing over responsibility - especially when we want 'them' (those we sometimes have to hand over to) to have the same absolute highest standards we would have if we were there... they probably do.... you know..... someone, somewhere is probably feeling wretched just now if they think they failed your mum..... BUT....

..... when something goes wrong, WE feel the guilt for having handed over the responsibility..... is there anything might have been different had you been there? Could a similar 'accident' have happened had you been the one attending to her? If you think 'something is amiss' - go for it - complain, shout, scream....(at least here!).... bothers me how you 'found out about this'.... only when you saw your mum?....

Most important, mum was smiling.... hope you gain some comfort from that for now....

Thinking of you, love, Karen, x
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Can I share the wine also please as I feeling like joining in with a tear or two when I read

Heard of Myth of Sisyphus? Keeps pushing a stone to the top of a hill and every time it gets near the top it rolls straight back down,
Oh god am Of no help tonight more wine please :rolleyes:
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Hiya Karen,
No, the home did phone dad and let him know, and as the GP happened to be in at the time, he checked her over. So they did do the right things. Dad and I always had two of us to bathe mum or wash her hair, so no it wouldn't have happened. I think knowing that dad is low (everything is breaking down and going wrong for him at present, that is how he feels), and mum just capped it yesterday. But I need to tell myself what I say to others, it is their journey, I cannot take away their pain, I can walk alongside though.
Wine is chilling in the fridge !!
WE feel the guilt for having handed over the responsibility
- that is the hub of it Karen- just wasn't going to admit it.
Thanks. Love Helen.
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
Amy said:
Ever lose the plot? I seem to have at the moment - sitting here crying and I don't know why. Mum is Ok. Nothing has changed - but it seems to have opened a dam in me.
Hi Helen, what a horrid thing to happen ...... how awful for you and your mum. What you say reminds me so much of how i felt with dad the other night when I arrived and he was in such a mess. Again, nothing had changed, but he seemed so dreadfully vulnerable and there was s*d all I could do to make it Ok again. G*d what a nightmare this can be.

I've opened a beer so i'll join you in your drink. There's more in the fridge if anyone fancies one ;)
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
Tender Face said:
WE feel the guilt for having handed over the responsibility....
I know what you mean Karen ..... at the same time, I think we feel guilt because we feel responsibility for something that we're not really able to take any control over. I think I get tangled up because I feel responsible for making it Ok again, for making dad happy, content, fulfilled, not frightened ........ not have dementia ....... and there's just no way i can do it. I think often I feel guilt for not making it OK because no matter how painful that is, it's a whole lot better than feeling so totally bl***y helpless in the face of all this. :eek:
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
A bump on the head

I'm sorry to hear that your Mum has hurt herself. I think that elderly people do tend to bruise very easily, so the bump may look worse than it might have done on a younger person. My Mum always seems to be covered with bruises on her arms in her nursing home. The staff are very experienced and caring, but I think Mum bruises at the slightest touch. They often use the hoist to lift her out of her chair, even though she can stand a little bit, so her arms don't need to be touched. However it is good for her to try and weight bear sometimes. Her frailty is the main reason she can't walk. The staff are afraid of handling her too much and hurting her. In the hospital, the ward sister said that they were afraid of lifting her by the arms in case her shoulder bones broke. Mum has osteoporosis as well as rheumatoid arthritis. I hope your Mum soon feels better.
Kayla
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Hiya Karen and Margarita,
Wine is open, help yourselves - and anyone else who wants one.
You lot are bl**dy marvellous!! Thank you. Let's party.
Love Helen
 

daughter

Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
824
Hi Helen, Sorry to hear about your Mum. I know I felt bad when seeing just Dad's hands all covered with bruises - and knowing he'd probably done this to himself hitting out against the staff when they tried to clean him. It still looks awful and brings up all those inadequate feelings in me once again, just when I thought I was staying cool!

I haven't touched a drop of wine for ages, so if I start I may get tiddly quite quickly! Do we need special skirts to try the belly dancing, Margarita?
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Áine said:
...control over.
Thanks, Aine. You finally said the word I have dared not say to myself for months now...... being 'out of control' hits hard...... no matter what we do, how much we care, whatever situation we're all in, 'someone else is driving'...... well, if we're all on the wine tonight, probably a good thing..... :eek: