1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. sue h

    sue h Registered User

    Jan 2, 2004
    Maidstone, Kent
    Dear All,

    I am a new member of this website, and have been very interested to read the messages on this forum. My own experience is that my father appears to be entering into the later stages of Alzheimer's, although he has yet to be formally diagnosed. My mother sought help 4 years ago, but the case was dismissed abruptly by their GP and since then she has coped on her own.

    Events last October resulted in my mother going to see a different doctor who arranged a home visit by a mental health community nurse, but due to other home circumstances (my 87 year old uncle, also living with my parents, suffered a major stroke), my mother has postponed seeing an old age psychiatrist.

    However, things have dramatically declined in the past few months, culminating last night in a bizarre string of events. My father failed to recognise that he was married, and so to demonstrate that he was, my mother produced their wedding album. He was then convinced that my mother was in fact 'the other woman', and that somehow she had tricked him into getting married, whilst he was meant to be betrothed to someone else. It was as if he had gone back mentally to before he was married. Believing that he was in the wrong house, he then ran off down the drive,which resulted in my mother phoning me in distress.

    When I arrived, (fortunately I live only 2 minutes down the road), my father did not recognise me and actually believed that I was 'Florrie' (my mother's name). I had to sit him down, holding his hand, and explain to him who everyone was- that the woman in the house was actually his wife, and that I was his daughter. It took lots of hugs and patience to calm him down, for he was very frightened and disorientated. He was pacified by the time that I had left, but he was still confused. He started to say that he should have to keep away from other women as they find him attractive! It was as if he had no concept of his age (79) in relation to anyone else's age.

    If anyone has experienced something similar with their loved ones, or if anyone has any advice of how my mother can be helped in this situation, I would love to hear from you.

    All the best,

  2. susan

    susan Registered User

    Aug 18, 2003
    east sussex
    Dear Sue
    Our family went through exactly what you said about 5 years ago, except my dad was aggessive with it - i spent 3 months of interrupted nights before the CPN decided action was needed. I can only say that if it is a one off and i hope it is, bear with it - if not try and keep your dad to a stict routine - the slightest thing out of place worries them. Will write again later tonight take care susan
  3. Geraldine

    Geraldine Registered User

    Oct 17, 2003

    Yes I have been through something similar with my Mum. During the summer I had to take on much more personal care tasks, toiletting etc and when we were on holiday things became very difficult especially getting Mum on the commode in the middle of the night. I would complain I could no longer do things like this much more and she sadi i ought to stop complaining as I had six children to help. I am the only child and Mum was confusing me with a cousin who has six children and who we went down to devon to see! For the whole 2 weeks I became Patti Wood and she got very agressive when I tried to explain I was her daughter. I had also resorted to washing Mum down as she could not get to the bath and she would regularly tell me that that woman who came in to bath her had not given her a decent bath for weeks and also handled her very roughly in the night (my attempts to get her on the commode!) I had in her eyes become a not very good carer who did terrible things to her!! It was at this point I realised I could not cope at home and in fact Mum is now in a home and I am her daughter again not the'cruel carer'. The only thing that would calm her down was to talk about the past but in the end even this was not enough, a catastrophic and violent episode culminated in a hospital stay. I have a 9 year old son as well and was at breaking point myself. Unfortunatley there are no real answers, we just have to keep ourselves well and fortunately I have excellent supprt from family and friends,



  4. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Sue,

    It's very difficult to assess 'stages of AD' as I'm finding out, since they seem to overlap and alter quite often.

    My father, during the early stages of AD four years' ago, quite often didn't recognise my mother as his wife. In fact, he used to wake up at night and order her out of bed and make her sleep in the guest bedroom. He was also constantly asking 'Who is this woman?' or 'Is this my wife?'.

    He also has problems with gender and still constantly refers to Mum as 'he or him', 'my colleague' or 'my room mate' or 'this man that lives here too'. Often he calls her Stephen, which is my brother's name.

    My mother used to get quite upset when Dad didn't know who she was, but now she's used to the situation, she laughs and says, 'I'm Joan, your wife of course'. They've been married 62 years this year. They both have AD and in a weird sort of way the dynamics of their different stages of AD seem to help them muddle along and sort things out together - unless they are both having a 'bad day' which is when things get really peculiar....

    Wedding photo are an excellent memory aid - and also help to identify other members of the family too. My parents were married in 1941 and I found a video that depicts all of the news that happened during that year. This is very valuable when they become confused about who's married to whom, as they can identify with the news of the day and it really seems to help ground them again.

    Hope this helps.

  5. sue h

    sue h Registered User

    Jan 2, 2004
    Maidstone, Kent
    Thank you for your replies. I omitted to mention that my Dad did show signs of aggression as my Mum told my husband on Thursday night that she thought he was going to hit her with a torch. Often he is verbally aggressive but never to me. I know Mum finds these episodes very hard to cope with as my Dad is the most mild mannered and gentle person ever. I know my Mum would find it difficult to admit to me that she was frightened of him but she knows she can ring me at anytime night or day.
    I would be interested to hear if anyone has experienced the `on holiday` syndrome as my Dad often thinks he's in a hotel. On New Years Day he asked me where the beach was. Last week he was up at 2.00 am (suffers from frequent night waking) and was very agitated as he couldn't find their suitcases. Resulted in Mum leading him back to bed and holding him down. It's impossible for Mum to talk to him at night as he has very limited hearing and doesn't wear his hearing aid at night. Unlike in the past these phases now last for days.
  6. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Two nights' ago my father thought he was staying in an hotel. What a coincidence. He's never done this before. He asked where the bedrooms were and if he could pay the bill before he checked out in the morning.

    Once I explained to him that he does actually live here, and shown him the bedroom, he laughed about it.

    He'd been watching Fawlty Towers, so perhaps he took it on board literally....


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