Hello all,
need to get a few things off my chest tonight. After a really positive visit with my aunty nearly two weeks ago (she'd had another stroke and lost more vision than previously, didn't help her VD either), there has been rapid deterioration.
Had a phone call from my uncle tonight, saying Aunty Jean is very weak, has basically stopped communicating and is taking very little food. The doctor is in and out of the house (she's still at home, apparently no immediate need to have her in hospital and Uncle Harry wants her to stay at home for as long as poss.) twice a day to check on her, nurse coming in too, cousin staying there as well, so Uncle Harry has support and isn't alone. I thought ok, hang on, could this just be a period of general not-being-so-well, due to the heat, etc? Not sure. Doc not sure either. When this started, my uncle took aunty Jean to hospital, they checked bp, blood, urine, did scans, etc. Nothing immediately physically wrong with her. Not sure either whether she had more mini strokes. My uncle isn't one for dramatising, he is quite matter-of-fact about it, but I know it's breaking his heart. Bless him, he's doing a fabulous job. He said whatever will be will be and he's determined to make her as comfortable as possible. He also said the deterioration was quite marked. She's stopped walking, is in the chair or in bed a lot of the time, sleeps a lot. I said is she taking fluids - yes, she's drinking ok, doc is making sure she's not dehydrated. Not sure what kind of meds she's on at this stage, might also be having an effect on her. Need to ask uncle that when I phone him tomorrow.
I'm sitting here at home, far away and have all sorts of silly things going round in my head. I'm ready to go over there if they want me, but I won't just descend on them. My uncle wouldn't feel comfortable with that. And I don't want to make the situation more stressful for him than it already is. I also have family here to look after and consider (elderly grandparents, but not AD or dementia, just a little help here and there as they get older and find the everyday jobs more difficult.) and a demanding job, but as I'm writing this I'm realising it sounds a bit callous. Which it isn't meant to. If needs must, I'll drop everything here and get on the next plane, nothing is so important as family and being there when necessary. I'm not happy sitting here, waiting for whatever to happen, but I'll wait another few days. If I get an overwhelming gut feeling I should be over there, then nothing will stop me. At the minute, I know my uncle and aunt are not alone, my cousin is there who is their next of kin whereas I'm "only" a great-niece, there is lots of support for them, and I'll hang on till I have another little bit of information.
I've sent a little note and I asked Uncle Harry if it was ok for me to ring every day and he seemed quite happy for me to phone any time.
Call me queer, but I did have some sort of funny feeling when I last saw them two weeks ago. Can't describe it really, it was just something inside me telling me show them that you care, show them you love them both, show them you'd do whatever they'd want if only they asked you for help, show them there are people thinking of them and wishing them well, show them they're not alone.
I was originally due to go back in September, but have scheduled another visit for mid-August. If I need to go before, I will of course.
Maybe I'm overreacting and the situation is not as bad as it sounds, maybe it is just a difficult patch and she'll "recover" in the sense that she'll get some of her strength back and improve at least a little bit. At the same time, I know that VD and stroke history don't go together with improvement and recovery.
Then again, I'm trying to look for the positive things, the happy memories, the good days and telling myself ok, it's not good, but she's still here, she's always been a fighter, never one to give up, determined and positive. But I just feel like crying at the moment.
Day by day, as Norman says. Maybe tomorrow will be a better one.
Thanks for listening and letting me ramble. It's Saturday night, we should all be down the pub.....
need to get a few things off my chest tonight. After a really positive visit with my aunty nearly two weeks ago (she'd had another stroke and lost more vision than previously, didn't help her VD either), there has been rapid deterioration.
Had a phone call from my uncle tonight, saying Aunty Jean is very weak, has basically stopped communicating and is taking very little food. The doctor is in and out of the house (she's still at home, apparently no immediate need to have her in hospital and Uncle Harry wants her to stay at home for as long as poss.) twice a day to check on her, nurse coming in too, cousin staying there as well, so Uncle Harry has support and isn't alone. I thought ok, hang on, could this just be a period of general not-being-so-well, due to the heat, etc? Not sure. Doc not sure either. When this started, my uncle took aunty Jean to hospital, they checked bp, blood, urine, did scans, etc. Nothing immediately physically wrong with her. Not sure either whether she had more mini strokes. My uncle isn't one for dramatising, he is quite matter-of-fact about it, but I know it's breaking his heart. Bless him, he's doing a fabulous job. He said whatever will be will be and he's determined to make her as comfortable as possible. He also said the deterioration was quite marked. She's stopped walking, is in the chair or in bed a lot of the time, sleeps a lot. I said is she taking fluids - yes, she's drinking ok, doc is making sure she's not dehydrated. Not sure what kind of meds she's on at this stage, might also be having an effect on her. Need to ask uncle that when I phone him tomorrow.
I'm sitting here at home, far away and have all sorts of silly things going round in my head. I'm ready to go over there if they want me, but I won't just descend on them. My uncle wouldn't feel comfortable with that. And I don't want to make the situation more stressful for him than it already is. I also have family here to look after and consider (elderly grandparents, but not AD or dementia, just a little help here and there as they get older and find the everyday jobs more difficult.) and a demanding job, but as I'm writing this I'm realising it sounds a bit callous. Which it isn't meant to. If needs must, I'll drop everything here and get on the next plane, nothing is so important as family and being there when necessary. I'm not happy sitting here, waiting for whatever to happen, but I'll wait another few days. If I get an overwhelming gut feeling I should be over there, then nothing will stop me. At the minute, I know my uncle and aunt are not alone, my cousin is there who is their next of kin whereas I'm "only" a great-niece, there is lots of support for them, and I'll hang on till I have another little bit of information.
I've sent a little note and I asked Uncle Harry if it was ok for me to ring every day and he seemed quite happy for me to phone any time.
Call me queer, but I did have some sort of funny feeling when I last saw them two weeks ago. Can't describe it really, it was just something inside me telling me show them that you care, show them you love them both, show them you'd do whatever they'd want if only they asked you for help, show them there are people thinking of them and wishing them well, show them they're not alone.
I was originally due to go back in September, but have scheduled another visit for mid-August. If I need to go before, I will of course.
Maybe I'm overreacting and the situation is not as bad as it sounds, maybe it is just a difficult patch and she'll "recover" in the sense that she'll get some of her strength back and improve at least a little bit. At the same time, I know that VD and stroke history don't go together with improvement and recovery.
Then again, I'm trying to look for the positive things, the happy memories, the good days and telling myself ok, it's not good, but she's still here, she's always been a fighter, never one to give up, determined and positive. But I just feel like crying at the moment.
Day by day, as Norman says. Maybe tomorrow will be a better one.
Thanks for listening and letting me ramble. It's Saturday night, we should all be down the pub.....