1. Hi All im back home now after yesterday having a good talk to the home manager. I visited Mum again this morning just me and my partner i started to cry in front of mum(Again) But as i gave her a hug she whispered to my "I Miss You" well that set me off again we spent some time with mum and again mum said to my Fiancé Leanne "Your Lovely" and as we helped her up she stared over at pictures of my and my sister Lisa and various others and she then picked up the picture of me and my sister and said "there Lovely i love them" she then picked up a picture of my nan and grandad (Her Mum and dad) And started to get upset and said "I love them, I love them" as if she remembered there not here anymore. It was like a glimpse of mum came out and it was so nice to hear her voice but as usual im there crying like a baby.

    God Bless you Mum

    Mark
    x
     
  2. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Oh Mark

    I feel for you, really.

    It is so hard to accept this illness, but your Mum does love you as much as you love her and it is good to let each other know how you feel.

    Don't ever be ashamed to cry, it's natural and if you can't cry in front of your Mum and your fiance, who love you, you would probably feel much worse.

    When your Mum saw her Mum and Dad's photo she may not have realised they had died, she said she loves them in the present tense.

    I am pleased you had a long talk with the manager too, it helps them to get a sense of family with the patients they look after.

    Try to stay strong and be thankful you have such a lovely Mum who clearly loves Leane too.

    Kathleen
    x
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,537
    Kent
    Dear Mark,

    It might be of little comfort to you, but I really don`t see how anyone can fail to be emotional when someone they love has Alzheimers.

    Whether it`s a precious parent or partner, the knife is twisted in the wound constantly, and is unbearable.

    I`m pleased for you that you were able to see your mum and talk to the manager. Some consolation, however small.

    Take care
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Now that is a lovely memory for you , out of all the sadness your feeling xxx
     
  5. sue k

    sue k Registered User

    Jun 26, 2007
    140
    warrington cheshire
    Dear Mark

    Knowing and loving someone close to us with Alzheimer's sends us on a rollercoaster of emotions constantly.

    I have cried , like ive never cried this past 2 months over the rapid deterioration of my dad's alzhemers, some tell me i have to accept that this is the way my dad is from now on, but in truth im not sure i will be able to do that.

    To see him as he is now tears me apart , but on a positive note , i havnt cried for 2 days, so maybe i am coming to terms with it all, who knows

    One thing though mark, dont ever be ashamed to cry , its a release of all we're going through , so cry your heart out as and when.

    Take care
     
  6. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    326
    Chelmsford
    Hello Mark. I'm glad I'm not the only (male) one to cry. My wife (59) has it and I crack now and again. I don't tell anyone but it helps me. My wife tells me she loves me, where would she be without me, and then 5 minutes later she threatens to kill me.
    I cherish her love, and reject the threats 'cos that's the disease. Your mum has a son to be proud of.
    cris
     
  7. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Dear Mark,

    To cry is normal.

    Last time I went to the doctor and she asked how things were (she knows my family situation) I burst into tears and naturally apologised as one does.

    Her reply was "if you hadn't cried, I would have been really worried about you".

    Also interesting is that whey I cry in front of my Mum (which I try not to do) she doesn't seem to notice anyway - maybe that's a good thing!!

    Hope this helps.
     
  8. Gill W

    Gill W Registered User

    Jan 31, 2007
    190
    Co. Durham
    Mark,

    Great to hear you've let go. You will be long overdue that cry, and it will have done you the world of good.

    Hoping your mum is improving, and with it your state of mind.

    Stay in touch.

    Gill
    xx
     
  9. Sharon G

    Sharon G Registered User

    Jun 5, 2007
    9
    Greater London
    #9 Sharon G, Jul 4, 2007
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2007
    Our grief not theirs

    For as long as I live I will never come to terms with what I can only describe as a living bereavement. Crying is a normal response to losing someone you love dearly and is a useful coping mechanism as you struggle to come to terms with the changes taking place in your life. I cry often over the loss of my father who has mixed dementia. I have to keep reminding myself that my father is OK, the home manager and nursing staff remind me of this constantly. The problem lies with me ... I just find it so unbearably difficult watching my wonderful Dad succumb to this dreadful disease. Because I enjoyed, and still enjoy, a very close and loving relationship with him, I mourn its loss. As his personality and emotional attachment to me slowly and insidiously slips away, a part of me is destroyed too. He was, is, the mainstay of our family and sometimes I feel that we are all floundering around in uncharted waters. The illness impacts on all those around them and I think that it impacts hardest on those who are not sufferers - us bystanders. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in this and that there are a great many others who feel exactly as you do. Take each day as it comes ... there will be just as many good as there are bad. Cherish the good and bury the bad. Cry if it makes you feel better. I always feel a lot better after a good weep. Thinking of you and your Mum. Take care.
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,537
    Kent
    #10 Grannie G, Jul 4, 2007
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2007
    What a sensitive message to Mark, Sharon. It`s a message we can all relate to, I`m sure.
     
  11. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Crying

    I can't identify with anyone on this, cos my most beloved dad didn't ever get AZ, he died of cancer, and whilst we are all scared of cancer, believe me that I am now so glad that he did. My mum now has AZ and it is a terrible, terrible illness and to me far worse than my dad's cancer. Okay, he didn't really suffer much pain, I might feel different if he had, but there is no way I'd ever have wanted him to suffer AZ. I don't want my mother to either, but somehow it would have been much worse if it had been my intelligent, lively, cheerful, imaginative dad.

    Forgive me if I think it is better that my mum is suffering AZ, I wish that no-one every did, but she is more "accepting" of it than my dad would have been. We have a lady in the ward in which my mum is in, who is constantly arguing that things are not being done properly. She is clearly a lady who has held a good position in industry or commerce and thinks she is still in charge. It is so distressing to see her so distressed. My dad would have been like that, while my mum is more relaxed about it.

    Just some thoughts. There is no justice as to who gets AZ and who doesn't.

    Love to all

    Margaret
     

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