Mum's birthday, first while in the Care Home. I booked a day's holiday in case it was fit to take her out for a walk or drive. It wasn't. I organised her best friend to visit, she fussed and faffed and said her grandchildren normally visited on that day, she would let me know. Her grandchildren visit 3 times a week, I would have thought missing an odd occasion once a year for her best friend's birthday wouldn't have been a problem. She said she would think about it and let me know. She didn't ring. I tried ringing her, no reply and no answerphone facility. As it happens I drove home through driving rain with a shattered windsceen wiper and had to keep stopping for safety reasons, so I would have been too late to pick her up anyway.
No cards from mum's grand-daughters (my daughters). Husband thought it acceptable that they would bring them on Sunday when we are taking her out for lunch. I didn't agree. Her birthday is today, not Sunday. I wanted TODAY to be special.
One daughter admits she only posted the card today - she forgot. No reply from the other. I just don't feel it is good enough. I don't get on well with my mum, I am her only daughter, I need as much help as I can. She has no sisters or brothers, no in-laws that keep in touch, there is just us, and I feel it is all left to me. Well, that seems common here on this website. All down to one person. I have joined the club!
I am just thinking of my deceased dad, that both my daughters loved to bits. He would not be impressed by them not posting cards to her in time for her birthday. I am useless at making my views known. Do I bother? How do I say, diplomatically, that I think they should have posted their cards in good time? I can't face a mouthful of telling me I am unreasonable in my expectations. I always do these things wrong, am no good at expressing myself, and always end up in tears for doing it wrong.
I know it is a minor point to most of you, who have much more serious issues. I just wanted my mum's first birthday in the home to be good, not least because I want her to realise that being in the home is good. I have still to convince her of that. That is another issue. How do I tell my daughters that not getting the cards there on time was a disappointment to me? Do I mention my disappointment? Do I take some other line? I don't know. I just feel I will end up wishing I hadn't mentioned it, so I probably won't. But it is not fair on my mum, who loves her grand-daughters to bits and had no cards from them on her birthday. They are **** to me. Sorry for the language. If I said that to them, they will probably never speak to me again, so I am scared to say what I feel, that their lack of timing has caused hurt and upset. I am quite sure I am going to end up on the wrong end of this, i.e. wishing I had kept my mouth shut and just accepted it. I am scared to say anything.
Help please. I am actually trembling as I write this, I am so frightened as to my daughters' reactions if I say anything to them. I am sure it will result in them never speaking to me again.
Margaret
No cards from mum's grand-daughters (my daughters). Husband thought it acceptable that they would bring them on Sunday when we are taking her out for lunch. I didn't agree. Her birthday is today, not Sunday. I wanted TODAY to be special.
One daughter admits she only posted the card today - she forgot. No reply from the other. I just don't feel it is good enough. I don't get on well with my mum, I am her only daughter, I need as much help as I can. She has no sisters or brothers, no in-laws that keep in touch, there is just us, and I feel it is all left to me. Well, that seems common here on this website. All down to one person. I have joined the club!
I am just thinking of my deceased dad, that both my daughters loved to bits. He would not be impressed by them not posting cards to her in time for her birthday. I am useless at making my views known. Do I bother? How do I say, diplomatically, that I think they should have posted their cards in good time? I can't face a mouthful of telling me I am unreasonable in my expectations. I always do these things wrong, am no good at expressing myself, and always end up in tears for doing it wrong.
I know it is a minor point to most of you, who have much more serious issues. I just wanted my mum's first birthday in the home to be good, not least because I want her to realise that being in the home is good. I have still to convince her of that. That is another issue. How do I tell my daughters that not getting the cards there on time was a disappointment to me? Do I mention my disappointment? Do I take some other line? I don't know. I just feel I will end up wishing I hadn't mentioned it, so I probably won't. But it is not fair on my mum, who loves her grand-daughters to bits and had no cards from them on her birthday. They are **** to me. Sorry for the language. If I said that to them, they will probably never speak to me again, so I am scared to say what I feel, that their lack of timing has caused hurt and upset. I am quite sure I am going to end up on the wrong end of this, i.e. wishing I had kept my mouth shut and just accepted it. I am scared to say anything.
Help please. I am actually trembling as I write this, I am so frightened as to my daughters' reactions if I say anything to them. I am sure it will result in them never speaking to me again.
Margaret