85yo Alzheimer’s sufferer now has cancer

[lacey24]

some advice please.
My grandmother has been struggling and has deteriorated lots over the past 6 months. She then started coughing up blood and we have been informed there appears to be lung cancer in both lungs and a mass growing on her adrenal gland she also has a bad knee, doctor has informed this is arthritis- however that doesn’t just appear!! So I believe that she has bone cancer... we have been told because she Is frail it’s not advisable to explore other areas and not to treat either ... my mother & auntie have agreed not to tell her. It would be too distressing and she will not remember.... today my mother seems to be back tracking on this...I personally would not tell my mother-she won’t remember this info either... thoughts please???

 

[Kennyboy]

some advice please.
My grandmother has been struggling and has deteriorated lots over the past 6 months. She then started coughing up blood and we have been informed there appears to be lung cancer in both lungs and a mass growing on her adrenal gland she also has a bad knee, doctor has informed this is arthritis- however that doesn’t just appear!! So I believe that she has bone cancer... we have been told because she Is frail it’s not advisable to explore other areas and not to treat either ... my mother & auntie have agreed not to tell her. It would be too distressing and she will not remember.... today my mother seems to be back tracking on this...I personally would not tell my mother-she won’t remember this info either... thoughts please???

Hi I agree with you not to tell her, my mother in law was 83 when we found out she had cancer throughout her body and had weeks to live; we told the consultant that we didn’t think it would be right for he to know as she would be so distressed by the news that it would make her last few weeks unbearable. He agreed reluctantly but it meant that the last 3 weeks of her life were happy ones and pain free which is what we wanted for her, she thought she was in hospital to get built up and to help her back pain, she died peacefully 3 weeks after diagnosis, the consultant did admit to us afterwards that we were right in our decision not to tell my mother in law about her cancer he said he had learnt a valuable lesson. Hope this helps x

 

[lacey24]

Thank you for your reply my mind is easy but I need to convince my mother...she has been asking questions about why the district nurses are popping in but she doesn’t need to know everything

 

[Kennyboy]

Thank you for your reply my mind is easy but I need to convince my mother...she has been asking questions about why the district nurses are popping in but she doesn’t need to know everything

I think you are right we have to filter out any information that is going to cause our loved ones any distress, we are currently caring for my sons Nan she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and her husband died two months ago, so we are staying with her to keep her company and give any help she needs, I had to decide to filter out all the begging letters she gets in the mail. She has helped charities in the past and they must have shared her details with others, this means she gets loads of letters asking for donations, I know these would distress her and she would want to give them all money so I take them out of her mail. I think it’s the right thing to do, go with your instincts x

 

[Duggies-girl]

@lacey24 My dad has cancer, he is 89 and the cancer was discovered 18 months ago. He immediately forgot. He has had no treatment either for the same reasons as your grandmother. We don't mention the cancer as there is no point really.

Whenever dad has a check up, his consultant will talk to him about the cancer and dad is always surprised but quite philosophical about it and just says that these things are expected at his age then immediately forgets about it as soon as we are out the door.