Dear
@Mum mo
I am now a lurker on this site. My caring role for mum ended nearly 18 months ago after six years of Dementia. I only comment now where I see emotional pain and hope that I might help. Please accept my comments are meant kindly, trying to help a fellow excarer.
Let me start with a key phrase someone else gave to me. Always remember you were part of the solution not the problem. You may have snapped at your beloved at times but remember all the good you did. You were his rock.
Grief is a very individual experience but guilt is a common feeling. There is no need to hold onto it. You loved your husband and cared for him the best you could. There is no training course for carers, we all learned from experience often gained the hard way. Please accept that you did your best in very difficult circumstances. Regret is part of being alive but please keep it a small part.
Eight weeks is a short time period on the grief path. Give yourself time. Try and eat and sleep as best you can. Crying is very natural. Reach out to your family who will think all is well if they are unaware of your true feelings.
My advice is not to try and get over your grief, move on, grab at life, etc, all the things people say who have never experienced real grief yet in their life. The best I can say is that overtime you will find
1) You can start to remember your loved one with sadness but also with love and joy. The pain gets a little less.
2) Having spoken to a grief counsellor, attended an ex carers group, etc, I think overtime we do not get over grief but we become better at incorporating it into our life. I still get bad days where grief hits me as hard as day one, but now I can talk to myself better. I remember mum would want me to be happy not sad, I count my blessings I had a great mum, when the chips were down I got her through the worst of Dementia, etc. I cuddle her old teddy bear and speak her words to him when she got into bed each night “are you ready for a cuddle crawfie because I am”. I find doing so helps me relate to mum.
3) Start a journal remembering things you did with your husband before Dementia. Holidays, birthdays, trips out, funny events. On sad days reach for it and read through them. Remember the love and fun you had together. Slowly pain will be joined by happier thoughts. Worked for me for what that is worth.
My very best wishes for the future. Please keep posting here when you feel the need.